Saturday, December 16, 2017
Thursday, December 14, 2017
There are some things in my life I feel so "done" with. Let's just hope I feel done enough to actually change them.
Mainly, I'm tired of being such a lone wolf. Because of fear, physical issues, working too much, etc., I have not made relationships outside of my family. That means the only people I really have to count on are my kids, and sometimes that is a little precarious because they have lives of their own. It's not that I want relationships that are all about what I need, but when you are in situations like I am in right now, it would make a difference if I had some people who had my back. The load feels so heavy right now. If I had a group of friends, I feel sure I could have called on them (say, a Sunday school class) to come help me with my move. A group of adult singles tends to pull together about things like that. But I am not involved anywhere, so I don't have anyone to call on.
I've said this many times, but I need to get back to church and make relationships there. The thing I have to decide is, since I am moving further away from where I had planned to get involved, is that still the right place, or do I need to look for something closer? It is still close in that I work downtown and the church is downtown. So if I get involved in music, which has its regular practices on Wednesday nights, I just have to go from my office to the downtown church. But to go to services, I will have to drive a ways to get there. Wherever I choose to do it, I am sure I just need to jump in and start getting involved. If I wait for the perfect time, it is never going to happen. And I am tired of feeling alone. I probably should just jump in and go Sunday; but I feel pressed about using all available non-working time to finish things up so we can move, so it will probably have to wait until after that.
I am just so tired of feeling so alone.
I am craving carbs and sugar quite a bit today. Really, what I am craving is comfort and help and rest. I may think eating comfort foods will help (and it will for a short minute), but it actually will make things worse because then I will have regret to deal with, and more importantly, added pain to deal with. I am limping around today, but I am hurting in so many places that limping does not help. My left hip (related to the pinching pain I described a couple of days ago) is hurting quite a bit today, as well as my right knee and my right Achilles. When you have pain on both sides, limping does not do any good because you are limping on both sides.
I wrote this part of this post on Tuesday and did not get it posted. Then I am skipping to Thursday, today. At least it gets things caught up a bit.
I am pooped! Exhausted! But there is so much to do.
Since writing the above, a little progress has been made. I updated portions to reflect that. I feel like I am not getting enough done at night, but I am just so tired!! Monday night I had to stop at Home Depot to get a few things needed, including a doorknob for the French doors -- we totally forgot about that. We also needed a shower curtain rod and I needed a curtain rod (among other things). Tuesday night we did not have any "help" there and I worked on finding my clothes and coats as mentioned above. I know there is another box of clothes somewhere, but I did enough to have a decent selection of something to wear, and I found a couple of my coats. Last night I worked a little late and stopped off to get something to eat. I went to a grocery store intending to get something more healthy, but this grocery store was not great and I ended up just getting something I absolutely did not need and nothing else. The grocery store was in the same parking lot as a Whataburger and I talked myself into getting a vanilla milkshake there (an old behavior I had not indulged for a while) since I had already gotten the other at the grocery store. After eating, I was falling asleep in my chair and did not get anything done last night. I did get up this morning and put some things away in the kitchen -- emptied the boxes that were in there, for the most part.
I think, because of how tired I am, I need to set a goal of one or two things to accomplish each night (at least). It would be easy to just go home and watch a Christmas movie, but I need to make progress -- and Christmas is coming! I hope I can catch up over the next few days and not feel so drained. I think I am doing more than I am giving myself credit for, but there is so much to do! I am trying to begin a fast today, even if just a couple of days, so I don't have to worry about planning what to eat, fixing it or buying it, or cleaning it up. Plus, I need to get on a better track. I woke up with quite a bit of pain during the night! Pain is definitely up because of all the hard work, plus the increased inflammation from my sloppy eating. My shoulders were really hurting in the middle of the night. At least most of the heavy lifting is done, and I mean that literally.
So, tonight I think I will plan to work on finishing painting the pantry closet so I can get food stuffs put away and have them available to use. (I am going to need to make a "legal" dessert soon so I can get off this sugar trend and get to feeling better. I need an alternative that doesn't have the negative effects.) I also bought some shelf paper to cover the shelves in the pantry, so I can put that on. I also need to get all of the shelves back in my closet (for some odd reason, a girl who was helping us took all of it down!) so I can better put away all the stuff in my closet. The trouble is, I'm not sure exactly how it is supposed to work together.
I also need to go to the grocery store, but will probably wait a day on that since I am getting a fast going anyway. (We will see how I do on that.)
One thing I did not say earlier is that Bethany had a pretty significant wreck on the day the contractor worked on the "support beam" for my house. That is the reason my son-in-law's father was at their house. She is still sore, her car was totaled, and they are dealing with that issue. She is going to need follow-up care. She had run out of gas and was sitting on the side of the road with her emergency flashers on, waiting for roadside assistance, when she was struck quite violently from behind. She was on a freeway, so the guy was going 50 mph plus, and there is no evidence that he even applied his brakes. He was distracted and just did not see her. She had gotten out of the car to check on something and gotten back in on the passenger side, since there was a lot of traffic passing by on the driver's side. She did not have her seatbelt on because of that, but it likely saved her from hitting the steering wheel, anyway. Her back and neck are hurting her. They had bought this vehicle (used) earlier this year and it has been a lemon. They had just put a new engine in it. Hopefully they will get reimbursed for all that (they should, I believe). But this was just another blow in a series of events, one after another, that have made life a little rocky for them lately. I hope at least part of it will be a blessing in disguise -- that she will get a good settlement for the vehicle and out from under a problem vehicle. The insurance company already offered $1,000 more than they paid for it before learning about the recent work done on it. They submitted the receipts for that and are waiting to hear.
I know this post is very long, but I wanted to catch up a little bit. I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season!!
Thursday, November 30, 2017
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
|Mother's Day 2017|
|November 29, 2017|
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
I actually was about a half a pound below my recent lowest. So that means I am on my way to losing those 10 pounds I set as a goal for this month (or by the end of the year). Yay! And as I said before, weight does not tell the whole story when you are doing this. I am obviously (to me) thinner and losing inches. I would try to measure that but my stuff is packed away.
A not-so-good thing I have been doing is drinking SF Monsters. Yeah, yeah, I know they are terrible. But this pace I am having to keep is tough, and the one Monster I drank yesterday morning did help. (I sure wish I liked coffee!) It doesn't affect my hunger that I can tell, and it obviously did not affect my weight loss. I do not want to make them a regular part of my life, but I will deal with them (again!) when I get through this time of having to work so much on the house. We worked until around 10:00 last night.
Monday, November 27, 2017
Thursday, November 16, 2017
Yesterday was a good day on my fast. We had a Thanksgiving luncheon. I contributed to it (by picking up a pumpkin pie -- not a good time for much cooking for me, since most of my stuff is packed) -- but I did not eat anything. I did make me a plate of things that were okay for me to eat and I can either eat it when I break my fast tonight, or more likely, eat it for lunch on Friday. I chose some pulled pork someone brought, two ribs (but no sauce), some kind of shrimp that was not breaded, some roasted Brussels sprouts and some green beans. That's it. But it will make a nice meal that I don't have to cook.
I accidentally left my pain med at home yesterday. Rather than make a trip home, I just toughed it out. It wasn't too bad, but pain was building at the end of the day and by the time I got home, I was needing it. Especially since I was going to work on the house. But it did not make my workday miserable, anyway. It would not have been that way 2 months ago or if I was not fasting and eating carefully.
My boss asked if I could work late last night, but then asked if I was needing to work on my move, etc. I told him I did and he let me go at 10 after 6 (my quitting time is 6:00). I needed to pick up a prescription, but decided it could wait since I still have pain med to last until Saturday. I will pick it up Saturday morning. The pharmacy does not open until 9:00, so I couldn't do it before work.
I went home and changed clothes and picked up the dogs. I hate driving there with both of them, but I did. Stephanie also could not find the paint brush, so I also had to stop at Home Depot and buy another one. (She found it as we were picking up to go home.) Traffic is still not great at the time I am driving over there, and that is the worst part to me of driving over there each evening. I wish we had someone to watch Maggie while we are doing this. Cas is fine if I did not get home until late because he is not crated and uses pee pads. But Maggie starts chewing on furniture if she has too much energy and/or is left alone too much. Anyway, I made the drive over.
Stephanie had gotten quite a bit done and we finished getting a third coat of primer in the dining area, which had dark (ugly!) paint on the walls. She also painted the ceilings that had not been done yet, and got second coats on ceilings that only had one coat. We should be ready to move forward with wall paint tonight. I'm anxious to see how the gray color we chose will look. It already looks so much better in the dining room -- lighter and brighter -- without that ugly paint. The other walls are a yellowy cream color, which really just looks kind of dirty. It probably looked okay in its day, but this house was not clean. Did I mention the owner had 6 dogs? It didn't look as bad as some houses you see with lots of dogs -- there were not big urine and poop problems, but it was dirty, dog hair, etc. So the new paint job is helping with that.
We decided to open the wall between the living room and dining room. We had taken some sheetrock off there because it had some mildew, and when we saw what was under there and asked Jim, he said it would be pretty easy to widen that doorway and open it up. So that sheetrock is completely off (one less dark wall to paint!). Jim needs to take the studs out, create the stronger frame for the wider doorway (and whatever else he has to do for support), and extend the step that is at the sliding doors in the living room going to the outside, since the dining area is on a higher level than the living room.
We worked until about 9:00 last night -- probably would have gone longer, but we finished priming, etc. by then and didn't want to start with the walls that late -- and went on home. I had packed my car before leaving for work yesterday morning with some "new" boxes and lamps and things that would not be boxed, and unloaded it at the house before leaving. I plan to do that each day so we can see more clearly what is left to pack. I need to see the apartment emptying out a little more. We are probably 75% packed, but it is hard to tell. I need to keep working on packing at least a couple of boxes a day.
That gets me to this morning. I need to shut this down and get ready and off to work. I will fast until after work tonight (would like to eat at about 7:00 or after, so will eat something when I get to the house tonight (planning on a very low carb/moderate protein/high fat weekend to continue in ketosis). We are going to work tonight, probably pretty late tomorrow night, sleep in a little on Saturday morning and then work all day there. Stephanie has to work at a makeup class on Sunday, so I will be on my own that day. I may work at home packing; it just depends on what we get done on painting, etc. I don't think I will have any help Sunday. Tom and Bethany are going camping with Tom's family. They closed on their home Monday and I think moved a lot of the big stuff yesterday. Hopefully Tom will be available to help more next week. Stephanie has taken the 3 days before Thanksgiving off, so she will have time at the house then, too. We will probably get her bed moved over there for that (or at least her mattress), at some point. She is keeping Carter next week, too. Bethany will be changing daycare after that, since she will be moved from Carrollton to Garland. Stephanie wanted to spend some time with Carter and it saves Bethany some money. Bethany's new house is less than 10 minutes from mine.
We are a little up in the air on where we will have Thanksgiving, but it is looking like we might be able to have it at Bethany's.
I'd better go. I may post again tonight, but might not have any time.
Monday, November 13, 2017
The sleepiness is tough, in one way, because being tired is a big trigger for me. That is the first thought that comes to mind when I am tired is I want something to eat. But I am getting pretty practiced at turning my mind away from food when it is not a time I am supposed to eat.
I'm just home from the house. I got off on time and stopped by the apartment to pick up the dogs and change clothes. I drove there, which took at least 30 minutes (there was still some after-work traffic). My son-in-law's dad is helping with the stuff that takes more skill than we have, and he was there with his wife. They had pulled the insulation out of the walls were the mold had occurred, so I got started on bundling that up and bagging it and getting it out by the curb. I also took out some bags of sheetrock would had pulled off yesterday. It looks like our neighbors took care of some of the trash for us, bless their hearts. They have been very helpful. Then I went and did some taping in my bedroom so it will be ready for painting. Jim called me when I was pretty much done with that and sent me to Lowe's to get something. When I got back, Stephanie had gotten there. She had started some painting in the bedroom, but Jim had asked her for some help, so I picked up where she left off, painting the ceiling in my bedroom. I finished that, and did a second coat on the ceiling in the hall. After that it was just some odds and ends and we left a little before 10:00.
We asked Jim about an idea we had to open up the area between the kitchen/dining and the living room. He said it would work without a whole lot of expense, so he set Stephanie to tearing out more sheetrock where that is going to occur. I think that will make a huge difference in the house.
With all that, I never felt any weakness or hunger. Being busy like that helps. I got through my first day of IF just fine.
I stepped on the scale when I got home and I am not showing a loss. I am actually showing a gain, but I do not typically weigh at the end of the day. We will see how this week goes. According to my sources, I still am not getting enough sodium (and I am still retaining water). At least my headache was better today.
I am going to close and get to bed. Life is going to be this busy for at least a couple of weeks. I need to keep at it so we can get it done and not drag it out. But I don't think I want to do what I did tonight every night this week. It is one thing for Stephanie to do it because her work is closer to the house. But I am not only working a couple of hours, I am also driving for at least an hour total. (One thing that occurs to me is I could take the train up there and have Stephanie pick me up; that would be a lot less time in traffic.) Maybe I can alternate days and use the alternate days to finish packing at home. I have asked my son if he can help and he said he would find some time this week. Hopefully he can get a good bit of painting done for me. (These are the times when I wish I had a friendlier relationship with my ex; this type of thing is what he did for a living. But it is very awkward between us since he believes what he does about me, and my kids want nothing to do with him, so, nope. But I sure could use some more help. Hopefully Tom can help some this week; but he and Bethany are also getting ready to move. Sigh.)
I think this is 65 days down; theoretically, 435 to go.