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Saturday, August 13, 2016

I Want to Keep Going


It’s Friday afternoon and I am starting another post, even though I just posted this morning.  Sometimes writing helps me keep focused and stay on track.

In the end I deleted what I was writing.  Some of it was about work, and I decided it was better not to put it out in the cyber universe!
I made it through my day, even after going to dinner with my daughters and watching them eat tacos and chips and queso.  I really did not feel tempted by that.


I started out with some errands today -- took my dog to the groomer and picked up some Paleo bread to have on hand when I do eat.  I keep it in the freezer.  While in the bakery, I left my purse in the car and just took in the means to pay for the bread (in my phone case) and I locked my keys in the car.  I have roadside assistance with my cell phone service, so I was able to have them dispatch someone to help me out (at no cost).  I ended up sitting out on the sidewalk in front of the bakery on Lower Greenville Ave. in Dallas, waiting for the rescue service, and it was somewhat enjoyable.  I was rescued in time to pick up my dog from the groomer.

I'm home now and feeling a little weak-willed.  I want to eat.  I'm doing my best to think through that decision -- my goal is to give myself 24 hours when thinking that through and usually the temptation will pass.  I want to keep going.  I don't feel like I am done yet, even though I am feeling so good.  I had to walk a distance when taking my dog since it is downtown and there is no place near there to park.  My knees are still tricky.  I don't know if the more I walk, the better I would get, or if they need more work.  I am going to divert my attention and think this through before making any decision to break the fast.  I know more weight loss will help my back.  Of course, this is not supposed to be about weight loss.   I also want to feel more in control when I do break the fast so I don't jump into eating things I just want instead of what is best.  Hopefully I can do that.  I know I would eventually get on track, but I want to do the best that I can.  So I do not feel ready to stop.  Going to do some reading to motivate myself.

I went and bought a few groceries later -- some meats I can put in the freezer, cheeses (also put them in the freezer), and some nuts, plus the Paleo bread I bought earlier.  I don't want to have to buy a huge load of groceries when I start eating again.  A couple of weeks ago I ordered some stuff from Wheat Free Market that will come in handy in a pinch.  They make a grain-free granola that is really good and I got some pizza crust mix and the baking mix, as well as some brownie and muffin mixes.  They are pretty expensive, but will come in handy when I need things to eat or can cook in a few minutes when I am tired or busy.  I will get more groceries next week and then when I break the fast, I can buy the perishable foods, like fruits and vegetables and dairy products.  The fast has definitely been nice on my budget.  My daughter is thinking about doing one.  She is feeling like another intestinal obstruction might be building.  (She has already had four, I think.)  I think it might be the answer to scar tissue building up around her surgery site, if she can do it.  It will be harder for her, since she has been eating the average American diet, so she will have a lot of withdrawal.  It probably will not be pleasant for her.  But I think it would help her health.  She also has fatty liver and I know it would help that immensely.  She also has insulin resistance and needs to lose weight.  My other daughter would benefit from it, too, but she is pregnant and then will be nursing, so not a time when she could do it.  (I am not sure she wants to try it, anyway.)  She also has trouble with wheat, although it affects her with nausea instead of the headaches I have.  I am sold on fasting for health benefits.

Speaking of which, I was looking at my scar from my knee replacement today.  The top of it has had a large knot of scar tissue.  Today I felt of it and the knot has pretty much softened and disappeared.  Still a little that needs to be done, but it is improving.  Yay!!  Here is what my scar looks like these days:

We went to a beautiful park today and my older daughter took maternity pictures of my younger daughter.  Stephanie did Bethany's makeup and hair (she is extremely good at that and starting to make a business out of it) and then took the pictures (she is also very good at that).  Bethany looked so beautiful!  I am so excited!!

My temptation has passed and I know I want to continue.  I knew it would if I waited it out.  It was not hunger, just wanting to eat because I like food.  :/

I think I can get though my day now, so I will stop and get this posted.  I'm planning to go to church tomorrow and get back in the flow with people outside of my family and work.

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