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Thursday, August 25, 2016

Can't Sleep

I did not intend to take so long to post again, but life got busy.  It has had its ups and downs.  My eating has not been stellar.  My first week was "carbier" than it needed to be.  I am trying to settle into what is normal for me, but life has not been normal in the last week and a half, so that has made it a little more difficult.

A week ago Wednesday (2 days after my last post), I had to put it in a late night at work and worked until about 12:45 a.m.  That was about a 15.5-hour day.  Also, our offices have been being renovated and, 2 days later on Friday, we had to move our offices from the old "unrenovated" part to the part that is done, and that was a long, tough day.  I tried to take it easy -- not much lifting and being wise about what I did -- but I was still quite sore for 2-3 days after that.  Saturday I could barely keep my eyes open, so spent most of the day resting.  My daughters had gone to a birthday party for one of the kids on my ex's side of the family.  There was to be a baby shower the next day on that side of the family and some of them begged that I come since they had not seen me in years.  So I ended up doing that on Sunday instead of going to my church, etc. (I didn't feel like I could do both with being so tired and sore and the shower was in Fort Worth, so would take a good part of the day).  It was so good to see them (I think they prefer me to come to family gatherings rather than my ex!).  After that we went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant.  I ate wheat-free, but did not eat grain-free (had some corn products).  But they had a seasoning on the tortilla chips that I now think must have had some wheat in it because I have been struggling with a headache this week.

There are some issues at work since the move that make eating a challenge, too.  Almost everyone in the firm is now packed into about 1/3 of the space we had.  Our kitchen is being renovated now and so we do not have a microwave, temporarily, to heat up food in.  So I either have to eat cold food from home, or I have to get something "out."  It is much easier to eat this way if I make my own food, for the most part.

Today my son called me and just wanted to talk about his struggles.  There have been a lot the last few months.  His work situation has not been good and he is leaving that job.  That is a good thing, but until he finds another, things are not great with him.  He has also been without a vehicle.  After our conversation, I grew frustrated.  Not at him, so much.  I just need all my kids to get on a good track for a while and let me focus on taking care of me.  My finances need some work and I don't need to be taking care of them financially.  That is not why he called, but it still weighed heavily on me and I did some emotional eating this afternoon and this evening.

The last thing that is going on has to do with my dog.  He has been "worrying" with his paws for a few weeks.  At first I thought it was because he needed to be groomed and his claws had gotten really long because the last time I had him groomed, they were not able to get it done.  So I got him groomed two weeks ago, but the groomer told me it looked like he had a developed an allergy of some sort.  There was a lot of redness between his paw pads that you could see after they groomed him (he is a Yorkie, so his fur can get pretty long).  So I changed his diet per their recommendation.  I don't know how much that has helped because he continued to mess with his paws, licking them constantly.  So I have been treating them with a Benadryl cream and Neosporin.  He still messed with them constantly and they were looking red and angry.  So my daughter and I wrapped the back paws (the ones he was messing with), after treating them, so he couldn't mess with them.  I had some medicine left from another time -- an antibiotic and a couple of pills for pain and inflammation.  I also have some liquid for pain, but can't get him to take that.  I have also been giving him Benadryl by mouth.  So I am hoping that will clear it up.  I was asleep tonight when he frantically started messing with his paws.  I realized he had gotten one of the wrappings loose, so I had to get up and re-wrap it so he couldn't mess with it.

After being awakened and my stomach being kind of out of sorts because of the emotional eating, plus having trouble getting my mind to settle down, I haven't been able to go back to sleep yet.  Ugh.  One thing that has been on my mind is that after seeing my ex's family, it has brought up more thoughts from the past.  I am so happy to see them and they will always be family to me, but it does stir up stuff.  I'm just trying to get my mind to settle down enough so I can go back to sleep.

As for the eating, I think I was happier not eating than I am right now.  I need to get things on a better track and not eat as much.  I need to do some more cooking, but I haven't felt like it when I get home.  I am again having some back troubles, although not nearly as much as before.  It was time for my bi-monthly visit to the pain management doctor today.  My right knee has been having that "bone on bone" feeling that I had in my left knee before the replacement and has been causing me more pain.  I found out my pain management doctor can give me steroid injections in my knee, so he gave me one today.  It just now occurs to me that that is probably why I am having trouble sleeping and I have felt kind of hot and clammy.  It is the steroid shot.  It will ultimately help for a while, but it does have that side effect at first.  This is the first time I have seen my pain doctor himself in a few months.  I have seen his PA to get my refills.  He once again seemed surprised that I am able to work full-time with my physical issues.  The first time I saw him he asked if my employer was aware of how much physical stuff I am having to deal with.  I had to say no, I didn't think so.  He evidently still feels like it is a lot and is pleasantly surprised that I am functioning as well as I am.  Some validation, anyway.  I told them I needed to get an epidural injection in my back (those help), but that I am just grinning and bearing it this year because of the expense (they cost me around $2,000 when I haven't met my deductible; I am not looking to go into debt and meet that deductible in August!).  He said he has been trying to convince the authorities to allow them to do the injections at their own facility instead of having to do it at a surgical facility, but the insurance companies will not listen to the doctors.  Or whoever it is giving the approval for things like that.  That would bring the cost to around $500 instead of $2,000+.  He said he is not long for continuing the medical profession because of all the issues they are having to face.  That is not good because he is a very good doctor.  My knee doctor closed up shop and moved to another state, probably for the same kinds of reasons.  He is heading up the orthopedic department of a VA facility now (I think).

I am going to see if I can drop off to sleep now, at least for another couple of hours. ...


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. You are looking awesome in this black dress and your story is is motivating that i love your story so much.Thank you very much for your blog.

  3. Love your story and you are looking stunning in this black dress....I love your smile..........Thanks for this superb blog.

  4. You are a real fighter. A great salute to you and your story your post is really motivational for me. Thank you so much for this blog. Keep sharing your experience and keep motivating others.

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.


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