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Monday, July 25, 2016

Nothing I Want More in My Life

I can't say I woke up with the same pep in my step as I did yesterday, but I still feel the benefits of the fast in multiple ways.

My upper back is better so far today -- not sure if it was the time I got away from my desk over the weekend or the fast finishing up its work in that area (probably both), but I only feel little twinges of pain there.  Hopefully that holds true for the rest of the day.  (Later in the day it started trying to hurt, so I took 20 minutes away from my desk and that seemed to help.  The problem is, we are renovating at the office and there is not much of anywhere to go to sit in anything but an office chair.  However, one of my bosses is on vacation and has a couch in his office -- though not the most comfortable one in the world -- and I went in there to get away for a bit.  He will be gone all week, so I will continue to do that, as needed, and hopefully will get enough rest during my vacation that it will have cleared up by the time I get back.  I never did get to hurting like I did last week, so that was good.  Actually it was great!  It hurt A LOT last week.)

I have the sniffles today -- another sign that I am detoxing.  From my reading I have learned that we do so many things to treat symptoms of things that are actually beneficial to our body.  We get mucous-y discharges, etc. because our body is throwing off some germ or substance it sees as a threat.  We treat the symptom and do not allow the body's natural response to do its job.  The same goes for taking aspirin or ibuprofen or acetaminophen for pain.  Our body has an inflammatory response because it is fighting "an invader."  We turn it off and do not let it do its job.  The production of mucous is expected when you are flushing toxins from your body, so I will let it do its work.

Of course, in our toxic world, our body becomes some flooded with "invaders" that it cannot keep up.  Our inflammatory response goes into overdrive.  But it is always better to go to the root of the problem, not just treat the symptom.  That is what I am doing.

My weight was down a little more this morning, but weight loss has definitely slowed down.

I got mostly packed for my vacation.  Just have odds and ends and things I use daily to gather.  I'm starting to get excited now, although this trip is definitely not planned like I planned my last one.  We know generally what we are going to do, but we haven't set the course for each day.  Whatever we do, I know we will have a good time.

I have made the decision to continue the fast while on vacation.  I know that sounds strange, but I feel like I would be quitting before the job is done and I do not want to have to go through the days of getting past my hunger by taking a break and starting up again.  As I have said, this trip was not going to be about food anyway, since my diet would be so restricted anyway.  My sisters are both fine with it.  I will either find something else to do while they are eating meals or will visit with them while they are eating.  Or if the occasion makes it possible, I can use that time to rest.

I was discussing this with a friend (one of the few people I have told that I am doing this) and she encouraged mw not to make that decision set in stone -- to allow myself to partake if I want to.  And I will leave that open in my mind to a certain extent.  In fact, when I got to my desk, I gave it some real thought.  If I did that, that would mean I would need to start breaking the fast Wednesday with juice.  I gave thought to what I might miss -- as she said, something that I would not have opportunity to experience again.  But the more I think about it, the more I know I want to keep going.  I guess no one can really understand until they have gone through what I have for the last few years.  Chronic pain is no joke and any experience I might have of eating something on my trip is nothing compared to my desire to be free from so much pain all the time.  Nothing.  Do I wish I had done it earlier so it would not affect the trip?  Yes.  I originally planned to do a 10-day fast.  But the more I read and studied and then experienced how much it is helping, the more I knew I wanted to keep going.  I feel like certain aspects of my health would return to the way they were if I stopped now.  I don't think I have completed what I set out to do and there is nothing I want more in this world, as it relates to myself, than to be free enough from pain so I can begin living life again.  I may change my mind, but right now, I want to keep going.

Another reason I started this fast (a very small reason) is that nothing was sounding or tasting good to me.  For example, my family likes to cook roasted Brussel sprouts with bacon bits (real ones).  I had gotten tired of that and it never sounded good to me anymore.  My daughter was making up some meals for herself this week and made some for herself last night.  It smelled really good and I know when I get back to eating, that will be something I will enjoy eating again.  I was thinking I might add some onions to the mix next time I make them so they caramelize in the baking process.  That sounds really good.  It will add a little sweetness to the dish.

When I get more toward the end of the fast I will start looking at things I want to cook so I can get a good start on my eating again (probably when I get to the juice phase of breaking the fast).  I would really like to make up some food to put in the freezer, so I could do it then.  That way if I did a little tasting to get the flavor right, it would be okay.

There are times the last week or so when I think about breaking the fast (it is usually when I am smelling food).  But honestly, I do not want to break it.  I want to get the job done as completely as possible.  Not in terms of weight loss, but in feeling like I have totally removed obstacles to weight loss and let my body heal.  I will have more weight to lose and that is okay.  I just want to feel better so I can finish the job in the more conventional way.

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