Okay, time for a little venting.
Yesterday was my birthday. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I thought the kids might at least have something planned. This weekend, if nothing else (I guess they still might, but they are hiding it well if they do). My youngest did invite me to a Rangers game last night – she had gotten great tickets from her boss – but that is just more than I can handle right now. Lots of walking, stairs, etc., so I had to turn her down If we had seats where I could take my scooter, then I could do it. But we didn’t. Plus I need a little time to plan for that – to save up energy. Doing it on a work night is not preferable. But at least she asked and was genuinely disappointed that I couldn’t go. The other daughter went off doing her own thing. (Most days I totally understand that, and that is as it should be, but it was my birthday….) My son was at the loft, but never even seemed to remember it was my birthday, so I was feeling a little down last night. I have to get my own life. I know it is not that they don’t care about me, but I felt a little let down.
There are things I want to say, but probably should not put it out there. It could come back and hurt people. Let’s just say I am feeling unappreciated.
So, I got an e-mail just now from my other daughter that asks if I would like to have a girls day on Saturday with both of my daughters, but she mentions both of them are broke. Which means we do things that don’t cost anything or I pay for everything. I just spent $110 for the privilege of having lunch with my kids on Mother’s Day. Yes, I wanted them around and I knew they didn’t have any money, so I did it willingly. But this is getting a little much.
I know what they are thinking – go get pedicures, for one thing. I would have to pay for everybody, and I have myself on a strict budget to get out of debt. I don’t really want to do that. And I don’t really want to be the one that has to come up with something. I guess I’m in a mood. I feel like I’m taking care of everyone else and no one is taking care of me. And I kind of feel like I need taking care of right now, at least some of the time. That’s probably unfair for two of them, but I guess I’m just a little down.
Thoughts going through my head (please know, I am in no danger of doing anything rash because of any of this; just venting):
- Tired of hurting;
- Tired of my life – wish I could stop and get off a while until things get better;
- Tired of fighting the circumstances of my life;
- Feeling desperate to make it stop;
- Wish I felt up to getting out and making things better, socially speaking.
I will be better after a while or tomorrow; I’m just having a rough day. The thing is, other than maybe getting in the pool, I am doing all I can to get better. After my headache yesterday, I have not had a Monster today, and so far, no headache! We will see if that continues. Of course, I am likely to get a caffeine headache, but once I wean myself off, hopefully that will take care of it. I’m pushing the water. I know that is a big thing.
Still blah, but not quite as down.
I’m discouraged. I am reading Wheat Belly Total Health, where Dr. Davis explains more about weight loss if you do not begin to lose weight immediately like the majority of people. One thing he says is that it is important that your body not put out insulin. Insulin is the fat storing hormone. If you are diabetic or pre-diabetic, your body is probably doing a lot of that, not to mention what having to be on injectable insulin does to you. Many people gain a lot of weight when being put on insulin. The goal for weight loss, he said, is that you check your blood sugar before you eat and then again 30 minutes or so after you eat and it should not change. If it does, you look for the suspected culprit in your meal that has too many carbs. I checked mine first thing this morning before eating anything and it was 103. (That’s not great, but better than it was a few weeks ago). I didn’t eat for a while, because I waited until I got to work. My meal was a small piece of an egg “casserole” which contained, basically, eggs, cheese, and a little bacon. I also had some cauliflower cheese soup (he recommends having vegetables at every meal, so that was my quick fix this morning). I checked my sugar 30 minutes or so after the meal and it was 113. That is not bad, from a diabetes standpoint, but my blood sugar fluctuated, and that did not meet the goal. I am going to have to look at what was in that soup to see what had the most carbs. Or possibly it was the bacon. (So far, I see nothing to explain it.)
The thing is, my weight just will not move. I am not eating too many calories. I am eating pretty low carb, so it has to be one of the other things he mentions. Please don’t tell me it’s because this plan is not healthy or doesn’t work, because at this stage, I am not going to believe you. I have gained weight in the last couple of years on diets that are low fat and eating complex carbs, which is what they tell you is best. Until I play this thing out, I do not believe I am on the wrong path. I think I finally found the right one.
One thing he mentions is that so many of us are suffering from hypothyroidism. Keep in mind the author is an M.D. with a cardiology specialty. He is not a quack. He says that most doctors do not go far enough in checking your thyroid to see if it is low. They check your T4, when often it is your T3 that is low, and they prescribe drugs that only help the T4, when you need a drug that helps both. For 80% of people, the thyroid is not functioning correctly because we are iodine deficient. So he says to take a Sea Kelp supplement. For 20%, that will not be enough. He did say, however, that it takes about 3 months of taking the supplement to bring your body back from the deficiency, so it may be just a matter of time and it will help. I have been taking it for 2-3 weeks. So I will give that time, but if it still does not improve, I need to find a doctor who will check my T3, as well as my T4, and he says I may have to go to a functional medicine doctor to do that. I found one a while back I could go to, but their initial assessment they do is $1,500 and I will have to save up that amount of money to be able to do that. Wonder if I can get one to check my thyroid without the full assessment (I can do that later). Anyway, Dr. Davis says if your thyroid is messed up, it is going to be extremely difficult to lose weight. I feel like I am in a vicious circle. I am trying to do all I can.
He recommends that for those wanting to lose weight, you should eat 15 net grams of carbs per meal or less, or 45 a day. If you are still not losing weight, he recommends going to full-out ketosis (not dangerous; it is ketoacidosis that is dangerous), which would mean eating less than 20 net grams of carbs per day. I was doing that when I first went on Atkins or couple of years ago, so I know I can do it (and I did lose weight). The thing is, I am willing to do whatever it takes to feel better.
A friend of mine sent me some information on turmeric and how it is being found to help inflammation and pain. Dr. Davis also mentions this in Wheat Belly Total Health. I’ve been hearing about it lately, so I decided to give it a try. I ordered some with the specifications he gives, which are that it be combined with piperine to make it where it is more easily absorbed. As I said, I am willing to do whatever it takes to feel better.
I plan to get down to the pool this weekend. Hopefully my daughter(s) will go with me, which will make it easier for me to do the first couple of times. But I have to be careful. It may be that even walking in the pool, with the resistance of the water, will set off the sciatica and make it worse. My Achilles tendon is also bothering me, and walking barefoot does not help that, so I will have to wear the pool shoes I bought long ago and haven’t used.
Thursday and today have been rough days, pain-wise. Not just the sciatica, etc., but I’ve had the all-over, feeling you got run over by a truck kind of pain. It has been difficult to get it under control. It usually takes at least my second dose of pain meds for the day to do that, and then I’d better not be late on a dose, or it is back with a vengeance. It really wears you out. Pain is very exhausting when you have so much of it. Hopefully I will have a breakthrough soon. I see the back doctor to get the results of my MRI on Monday.
I’d better get this posted or it won’t get done. Have a great weekend everyone! Friday night at 6:00 is my favorite time of the week. (Unless I get kept late, but that not happening tonight. Woohoo!)