I struggled a little this weekend. The main reason was, I was not paying enough attention to my dosing schedule on my pain meds and before I would know it, I slipped into withdrawal. That makes me want to eat everything in sight. And it takes a while after I take the next dose for those feelings to go away. I don’t know what to attribute the lack of attention to needing the pain meds to – in the week, it is that I get so busy, and I might be closed up in an office with my boss and don’t think about it being time. Invariably, though, if I do that, my pain will get “out of hand” for a while until I get it to settle back down. I need to take one with me if I’m going to be shut in with the boss, so I can take it discreetly when it is time. On the weekend, I am out of my routine and sometimes forget to take it on time. I am so used to coping with pain (and I have pain even while taking pain meds) that it doesn’t hit me right off that the dose has worn off.
I am being sluggish about getting going today – trying to talk myself out of it – but I know I have to get right back on track. So, today is a low carb day. Ironically, one of the hardest things about this for me is eating 5 meals, 3 hours apart. Especially on a low carb day. I’m so very busy at work, it is hard to take the time out to eat those “in between” meals. On low carb days, they seem to require a little more preparation and that’s why it is more difficult. On a high carb day, I can grab a container of Light & Fit Greek yogurt and a piece of fruit, if need be. On low carb day, I can’t do that, unless I want plain yogurt without any sweetening. I just need to prepare ahead of time. I did got ahead and get one done this morning and it was a couple of stalks of celery with natural peanut butter. A little later than it should have been, so I didn’t eat as much. I don’t want to put lunch off for too late.
Lunch was a salad with some fajita chicken (I marinated and cooked it last night), fajita veggies, a little cheese and some chipotle vinaigrette. Very tasty, although I haven’t gotten the taste I’m looking for on the marinade yet. I took a short lunch, since I’m covered up at work. Celery and peanut butter again for afternoon meal (need to do more planning next time).
My daughter, who has been living with me again since December, is taking a second job, so she will not be home much. Plus she has made some new friends (which I am very happy about), so I’m kind of feeling like I live alone again. It’s okay – I don’t mind being by myself – but it could get a little old if I don’t start getting out more. Not sure how soon that’s going to happen with physical issues and working so much.
I have a friend at work who is historically a very large woman (larger than I’ve ever been). I say historically because she has lost a lot of weight both through gastric bypass, and later from the complications from gastric bypass (but still is obese). But at all times since I have known her, she comes across as very comfortable in her own skin and doesn’t care what people think of her (and most of the time, I don't think she is putting on a happy face when she doesn't really feel that way). And people love her! I know, because we talk, that she does have some self-criticism, but she is very open about it with almost everyone and she doesn’t act like it. She loves everyone and seems to expect everyone to love her (not really, but she doesn’t come across as someone who feels like she already has two strikes against her, like I have often felt). I am timid at times, not knowing what people think of me (although I usually find out that they think very positively of me). I would just like to be a little more like her, in some ways. I will never be as outgoing and in-your-face as she is, but that doesn’t mean I have to feel like I have some kind of handicap in a relationship, just because I am not slim. I don’t treat other people that way, so why should I expect them to treat me that way? Some may, but that’s their problem. Most of my problems are my own making. Now to overcome that….
I struggled a little more this afternoon. Partook a little from someone's candy bowl. When I got home, I wanted to continue that trend. But at least the fight is somewhat back, because I knew I needed to act like those little pieces of candy didn't happen and keep on going, so dinner was a salad with some Asian flank steak and chipotle vinaigrette. First time I've made a flank steak -- I did good. It was tender and flavorful. Yum! The recipe was actually for lettuce wraps, but I figured it was the same to put it over cut-up lettuce and that seemed easier. I'm glad I had food prepped ahead of time, or I might not have been as successful. I can feel good about pulling it back together.