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Friday, May 23, 2014

Not My Usual Optimistic Self, But I'm Trying

I made a decision yesterday that “today was the day” I would get on a better track.  And I did.  I have tried so many times before, but had that wishy-washy feeling most times that let me know I was not fully committed to it.  I don’t know how much stronger my resolve is “this time,” but it was stronger than that, anyway.

Stephanie had surgery yesterday for another blockage and is in the hospital.  I knew there would not be time for cooking and planning.  Plus I wanted to do something that would help me have a good initial loss, which will encourage me and motivate me to keep going.  I thought about doing Medifast again, but I really hate the Medifast foods.  So my plan is to have protein bars (20-23 grams of protein) for breakfast and lunch (and snack, if needed), supplemented by fruit, and then have a reasonable dinner.

That is what I did yesterday.  My timing was messed up in that Stephanie didn’t get back to her room after surgery until around 7:00, so it was too late to get anything from the cafeteria.  I wanted to stay with her a while before heading home.  (I need to sleep at home for my own physical health.)  I ate more fruit than I probably would have otherwise, because I had not had dinner.  Then, when I got home between 9:30 and 10:00, I cooked me some sausage, eggs and cheese and had some popcorn.  So, not the greatest day, but much better, anyway.

Besides being at the hospital for Stephanie’s surgery, I had two doctor’s appointments yesterday.  The first was a follow-up with my back doctor.  Things are going okay there, but not great.  The really, really bad pain from before the surgery is gone, unless I do something stupid like lift something heavy.  But I still have significant back pain and pain down the backs of both legs (just aching – not the electric firing like before).  With pain meds, I am coping okay with that.  I know the weight I have gained (haven't weighed, so don't know how much) is adding to that

The other appointment was with the foot doctor.  I’ve been needing to do this for a while and finally did, since he was on the same campus as the hospital where Stephanie had surgery.  I've been having a lot of heel pain, so thought I probably had either plantar fasciitis or some tendinitis in the Achilles tendon.  It was the latter, except it wasn’t just mild tendinitis, from what I gather.  I am still waiting to hear back on the results of the x-ray, but he was concerned enough with it that he put me in a boot for the next four weeks.  He said I had a lump or hump at the back of my heel which indicates there is thickening of the tendon, etc.  I read about this today, and left untreated, it can get much worse and become chronic.  So I guess I will be a good girl and wear my boot.  I also have some stretching and strengthening exercises I have to do and have to ice it every day.  My heel is supposed to be lifted a little inside the boot, but the nurse forgot to give me that insert.  So I need to go back and get it.  The main thing is getting my left side balanced with the right so I am not walking lopsided.  The shoe on my left foot today did not do it.  It might if I had the heel lift in, but without it, I am out of balance.  I have to wear the boot all the time except when I do my exercises, bathe and when I sleep.  And, since it is my right foot, I can't wear it when I drive.

All of this does not leave me very mobile and I have not been very active in the last few months.  Just walking to work and back for the most part.  The pain issues have not been the main reason for that, it has been the depression.  I have been pretty reclusive about everything I have a choice about.  I have to go to work, so I do that, but anything else, it is like pulling teeth to get me out of the house.  I need to get on my recumbent bike.  Hopefully as I get my eating on a better track, my motivation will grow and I will get going with all this.  Part of the reason I don’t want to go anywhere is because I don’t feel good about myself.  I know the added weight is not helping my situation and I am ready to get it going in the opposite direction.

I am tired of the challenges of my life, but there is nothing to do but keep on going.  The depression is still there and hopefully I can begin to pull myself out of it a little more successfully.  Getting all this on a better track helps, but depression also leads to the negative behavior, so it is a vicious circle.  I need to get my fight back.  I am not my usual optimistic self a lot of the time these days.  At least not enough to be proactive about things.  But I’m trying.


  1. Sorry I have been out of the loop - but just wanted to send you some virtual hugs. I know how hard it is living around hospital stays, and cafeteria food that looks and tastes like ass.

    Glad you got to the foot doctor too - I had plantar fasciitis several years ago - to the point of just walking was extremely painful - I ended up having to buy custom made inserts for my shoes!

    But then I found a program on my PBS station - I couldn't remember if I had mentioned it to you before, but search your t.v. and see if you can find it - I do this at least once a week and it keeps me from having to use my inserts every day.


  2. New to your blog but I can relate. I am battling depression and bad eating. Thank you for giving me encouragement.

  3. Love your blog! I just started my weight loss journey and blog. Hope to have similar successes. Congrats on the hard work!

  4. Hi,
    Just found your blog and read the whole. I wanna to say most of the men use anything to lose their weight exercise, walking, dieting and so on. But the easiest way to get relief from weight is to use easy-100. It's natural and comfortable like a liquid water.


I welcome your comments and read every one! However, if you are trying to sell me or my readers something, your comment will be deleted posthaste. Thanks for reading my blog and I hope you receive encouragement from it. --Sheryl