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Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Hanging On and Still In the Fight

I have started other posts in the last few days and never finished them. I am doing better, at least in one respect. I have managed to stay away from sweets for the last 5 days. And that is the only “rule” I have given myself, for now. While getting off of sugar again, if I have needed to eat something else that is less than optimal, I gave myself permission to do that. I have eaten way more bread than I should, but at this stage, I am okay with that. I say that – I would like to immediately get my weight down to where it was, but when I was trying to be really restrictive, I wasn’t doing so well. So I decided, first things first. And first was getting away from eating sweets. Today I think I am going to give myself a second rule. Whatever I eat, it must be at mealtime. So for breakfast, I ate toast with peanut butter and a banana. That needs to be all until lunch. That will help get my portions under better control. I have been struggling with pain issues the last few days. The main thing has been my head. Ever since my cervical fusion surgery, every once in a while I have this issue with my throat spasming. I used to call them “hardware headaches” because it feels like I can feel the plate they put in my neck for the fusion. But I finally figured out it is muscle spasm in that area. It’s an uncomfortable situation in the throat, but the worst thing is it triggers very bad headaches for me. It also makes my chest hurt, for some reason. I did some reading online and it definitely is connected with the fusion surgery – I read about other people who struggle with it. The solution to it seems to be muscle relaxants and avoiding stress, etc. I had been out of muscle relaxants and finally got my refill yesterday. But I’m still struggling with it today. Probably it will take a little bit to make it completely calm down. I am also having all-over pain that is not related to my back. I am betting all the carbs is causing inflammation and that is part of it. Or fibromyalgia. I’m thinking about talking to the doctor about getting on Lyrica. Does anyone have any experience with Lyrica? I’m kind of frustrated with all this. I have struggled with headaches for more than 20 years. They are definitely neck and tension related. I have done many things to get in control over them, and sometimes am successful. But it seems like I have to work very hard just to feel decent. Why can’t I just go through my day, doing my job day after day, without having to worry about all this muscle tension, etc.? I’m very weary of fighting it all the time. If I could just get my life to settle down…. Speaking of which, my daughter (who has now had three intestinal obstructions in the last year and a half or so), had what we thought was a stomach virus last week. She finally went to the doctor Friday because she was still not able to work. They told her they didn’t think it was a virus, they thought an obstruction was building again. I really try to not let get stress get to me, but it seems there is always a lot of it. She is still feeling nauseous and in pain, but went back to work – she doesn’t want to lose another job. But we are kind of in a waiting game. I did do something yesterday in an effort to stand up for myself better than I usually do. I’m not going to say what it is, because my sisters read my blog and, well, I just don’t want to say. It is kid-related. But I said no and I explained why and they accepted it and didn’t say anything else. For now. I am sure I will be hit with it again after a while. The “old me” usually gives in. I didn’t do perfectly this morning about not snacking. I kept getting into the peanut butter, but finally made myself quit. For lunch I had a leftover piece of bacon-wrapped sausage with some Trader Joe’s Sweet Potato Bisque. I was not that fond of the soup. I thought it needed some jazzing up. I will try adding some spices to it. I only ate a little of it, and instead, ate another piece of toast with peanut butter. Trying to stay out of the peanut butter this afternoon. I’m dragging this afternoon, from the muscle relaxant – although I guess that is better than a pounding headache. Still have a slightly less than moderate one, but it’s better anyway. I’m going to get this posted. I’m just trying to hang on. I keep telling myself that just because I have had this few weeks of being off of any kind of plan, it doesn’t mean I have given up and gone back to my old ways. I’m struggling, and I am sure will always have to struggle. But I’m still in the fight.


  1. Glad you stood up for yourself and said no - I am sure it was hard for you, but it's your life that gets effected every time. Kudos!


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