Search This Blog

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Thursday to Weigh-In

I wrote most of this on Thursday, but didn't get it posted.  If the day and order of things doesn't make sense to you, that's probably why.  :)

It's amazing the advice you get when you are in a situation like mine.  And I am not complaining about it, really.

My sister hopes I have surgery as soon as possible because she is worried about damage to the spinal cord.  I feel the same way, unless something lets up soon.  I sent an e-mail to my bosses and supervisors about my doctor's appointment and told them my status.  For one thing, I feel I need to stay off my feet as much as possible if I am to get through my work days.  One boss replied with some weight loss suggestions.  I really do not resent that.  I have worked for him for over 20 years and I know he means well.  He was talking about fast weight loss, which is what I need right now.  He had read an article on fasting and is going to get it for me.  At the same time, I have now lost 81 pounds, so I think I have proved I know how to lose weight.  It is usually not the "knowing how" that is the problem.  It is keeping yourself doing what you need to do in the long-term to make it happen, and then to keep the weight off that is the hard part.

I've been doing a little reading on the kind of back surgery I would have to have, if I did. I want to be fully informed about my decision. But I got to thinking what it might be like to not live in this much pain all the time. What could I achieve if I didn't constantly have to deal with the pain? Everything I read about it says that the objective of this kind of surgery is to reduce pain; you don't expect to be pain free. And I am okay with that. I have been living with a lot of pain for many years, whether it was the headaches, the neck problem or the lower back problem. I can imagine that with successful surgery, and significant weight loss, I would feel infinitely better than I have in years. Incidentally, the headaches have been better for quite a while. I have had them a little the last week because sleeping on the chaise lounge makes my neck stiffer than sleeping on the bed, but they are nothing like the constant thing I was having a few months ago. I pray that that continues.

I have one advantage in researching this kind of surgery.  My daughter had this exact surgery in 2011.  She had some setbacks because of a fall early on, but the recovery was not bad.  She said that without the fall, I could probably be back to work, at least on a modified basis, in 2-3 weeks.  It would take a lot longer to get back to full workouts, but I can't do that now, so that is no big deal.

Friday's thoughts:  I was just reading a blog about beginning exercise.  That's really where I am -- a beginner.  And I can't even do that.  I think maybe it is time for surgery.  There has to be a better life without all this pain.  :(

I have had so many thoughts going through my head today.  One thing on my mind is the black tie event my boss invited me to on Saturday.  I almost bowed out, because of my back.  But my friend -- the other non-attorney who is invited -- really wants me to go.  So now my thoughts are on what I will wear.  My daughter has a dress that she wore to one of her proms.  It pretty much fit me before Christmas, so I'm pretty sure it would now.  The thing about it is, it's a halter dress and my arms would be exposed.  So I would want to get some kind of shawl to go with it.  I've been thinking and planning this Mother of the Bride thing for so long (another really dress-up event), and what I really want to look like, that doing something like this when I don't look like that is messing with my head.  Regardless of whether I have lost as much weight as I would like, I am still a beautiful woman and there is no reason to feel that I'm not good enough for this event.  My co-worker is a large woman -- larger than me -- so I don't have to feel out of place.  Confidence is what really makes a woman beautiful, so I am going to try to be my most beautiful self and enjoy the evening.  How often do I get to do something like this?  Not very.

I got a check in the mail today which was the refund of my deposit in my old loft.  To tell you the truth, I wasn't expecting to get it back.  Don't get me wrong -- we worked really hard to get the loft looking good, but these management companies are usually such sticklers, I had written it off that I would not get it back.  So, I have some unexpected money.  I don't want to spend too much money, but I'm going to make sure I look nice for the evening and have a good time.

My daughter is going to go shop for me today and either get me a different dress on clearance (we are pretty much the same size now, except her boobs are much bigger since I had a breast reduction).  But she can get a feel for how it will look by trying it on herself.  If I don't get a new dress, I will get an evening shawl to put around my arms.  I think my back looks nice, but my arms are very flabby with some loose skin.


I've been on my feet more this morning and I am starting to feel it.  :(  Better stop that.

I woke up hungry this morning -- like feeling weak.  So I had a regular Atkins breakfast of some sausage and eggs.  I was still hungry throughout the morning.  So, at lunch I had a Potbelly Farmhouse Salad.  It seems like forever since I've eaten real food.  I think that's because during the holidays I would eat goodies around the office and try to make up for it by skipping meals.  Not all the time, but sometimes I would do that.  The "real food" tasted good, though.   I had to send someone down to get me some food.  I hate that -- having to depend on other people to do simple things for me.  But I am running low on medication, and the last thing I need is a bad attack to use up what I have.  Hopefully my refill will go through before the weekend.

I got up to get something not long after typing this and the pain hit me again.  Not as bad as last week, but I'm sure if I continue to walk around, it would.  I really hate this.

I managed to stay off my feet enough the rest of the evening to ward off another severe attack.  I was extremely hungry all day yesterday and ate a regular Atkins meal for dinner.  I continued to be really hungry and I confess I had a couple of tortillas with some queso.   But still a very good week.


I again forgot to get this posted, so that brings me to weigh-in. I weighed 243.8 this morning -- 2 pounds down from my former low, but 1.8 pounds up from where I was earlier in the week.  I know it has to do more with fluid fluctuation than anything, so I am good with that.  I am taking a day off today and back to a more strict diet for next week.  I feel like I need to do that as long as I can't get much physical activity.  I need to be able to have as much weight off as possible to either feel better or to be able to have surgery.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I welcome your comments and read every one! However, if you are trying to sell me or my readers something, your comment will be deleted posthaste. Thanks for reading my blog and I hope you receive encouragement from it. --Sheryl