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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Workin' Workin'

I'm feeling weak (willed) this morning.  I know it is because of the late night last night, and the fact that I didn't eat as much yesterday.  I am trying to remind myself of my goals and keep with the course.  One thing I am being tempted about is getting some more sugar free candy.  I do not mind allowing myself this indulgence once a week on my carb day, but if I start doing it other days, it will be one more thing I will have to ban.  So I want to keep it in its place.

I woke up hungry and had a bigger breakfast than usual.  I struggled a bit this morning.  It's my friend's birthday (at work) and people have sent and brought her all kinds of goodies -- like warm cookies from Tiff's Treats -- and she is sharing.  It was hard to resist those warm cookies, but I did.  I decided I needed to eat a real lunch today.  I got the Market Grill Salad from Chick-Fil-A.  I didn't know it had some fruit and berries on it.  I was going to pick around those things, but decided, what the heck, I'm going to eat it (it was fresh, not dried, fruits and berries).  It was very little fruit and I can't imagine it having that many carbs.  I did not eat the granola that came with it.  And it's pretty low-calorie.  It tasted good, too.  Hopefully I will be fine until dinner time.  And hopefully I don't have to work late.  We all need a break around here.

Headache has been a little better today, although one is trying to build right now.  Hopefully I caught it in time.

I'm not sure what is up with me, other than I am tired, but I am feeling very emotional.  I was thinking about something this morning that set off a memory of probably the worst day in my life.  It happened to be on a Christmas Eve.  Because of the events of that morning, I became pretty hysterical -- not out of my mind, but so very upset over what was happening in my marriage.  As I was thinking about it, I began to want to weep and I had to snap myself out of that line of thought.  It's just a really bad memory.  And I am so thankful to be nowhere near that situation anymore.  Truly thankful.  A little later, I was checking FB and saw pictures of a young family I am friends with.  They seem like such a great little family, and the parents think the world of each other.  That started making me want to cry.  Then, at work today (and this happens every year), my friend who is having a birthday is being showered with gifts and cards and flowers, etc., etc.  I was kind of laughing about it to another friend, saying, "I must be doing something wrong."  She said something about how it's pretty much that way on her birthday and I must have really crappy kids and family.  She can be just a bit too outspoken sometimes, in my opinion.  I DO NOT think I have crappy kids and family.  But her saying that kind of set off my emotions again.  Like I said, I'm probably just burned out.

As it turned out, I worked until near 9:00 p.m.  I was pretty hungry by then, but way too tired to cook and I didn't want to eat that much so late.  I got me some nuts at CVS, but probably ate a little too many of them.  I wish they had had a reasonable size bag for one serving, but they didn't.  But I probably still did okay on calories.

I often say to my myself, "I am sooo tired."  I was thinking this morning that maybe it would help if I change my self-talk.  Instead I should say, "I have energy for everything I need and want to do."  It's not working too well at this moment, lol.  But I do think I need to change that mindset.

That's all I got.  Good night.

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