Some struggles this morning, but I have held it together. I think the struggles are there because I didn't eat that much yesterday and I'm tired from getting home late and then staying up a bit.
I still had not bought any groceries and so didn't cook a regular breakfast. I had 2 pieces of bacon and some peanut butter from a spoon. When I got to work, someone had brought donuts. I have to admit I was tempted. But they also brought kolaches (sp?). So I got 2 of those and just ate the sausage out of the middle of them.
Work is incredibly busy right now.
I had my massage today. I didn't say anything about how I was feeling except that my right heel really hurt when I took off my shoes. She started working on me, and after a bit, she said she could tell I was in a lot of pain from the lower back down and so that was all she was going to focus on today. (She was right. Didn't I mention this a day or two ago?) She was working on one spot and said, holy moly! I asked her what she meant by that and she said that area she had been working on was extremely tight and she started working the other side and said that side was even worse, but in a different way. I have to say that a lot of what she did today was not pleasant. It hurt! I think I worried her -- she asked if I was going to cry. I never felt like crying, it just hurt. She had me draping myself over the edge of the table, letting my hips sort of hang and it really arched my back. That was very painful. When it was time to get me up, I could not have done it without help and it hurt. Holy moly!
I may have mentioned at some point that I was told as a child I was born with a form of spina biffida. My backbone barely fused together at the lowest part of my spine. I got to wondering if spondylolisthesis was ever connected to this type of spina biffida, which I learned is called spina biffida occulta. I didn't have time to research it thoroughly, but there might be a connection.
I went to the cafeteria downstairs to get lunch and got some baked tilapia, broccoli and green beans. It was not very flavorful (I could make it a lot better), but it filled the tummy, at least. Around 3:00 I had some sunflower seeds.
I went in to work with my boss for a few minutes and he mentioned we would probably have a late night. :( With all that went on with massage, the late night last night, etc., I just want to go home. I started feeling a little low at that point and got to thinking about the donuts in the kitchen. I went in there under the guise of getting a sparkling mineral water, but I was really checking to see if there were any donuts left. There were two left. I stood there and stared at them a minute and could see myself picking up one and eating it. In my mind, I had already done the deed. But something wouldn't let me do it. I knew I would regret it and it would be one more step to going back where I was. So I didn't do it. I got my sparkling mineral water and went back to my desk.
True to his word, we worked late tonight. I got home at 9:45 p.m. A little before 6:00 I knew I was probably going to get hungry, so I went down to the convenience store and bought a super Slim Jim (it was about a foot long). That actually held me pretty well. It had 150 calories. I got home and was a little hungry, but not super hungry. I had bought some smoked sausage at CVS this morning and I had a little piece of that and I will just leave it at that.
Rough day, but I think I came out pretty good considering what I was dealing with.