I had a really hard time going to sleep last night. It was good things I was thinking about (the wedding, etc.), but I couldn't turn my mind off. Bethany looked so beautiful in that dress and to see my baby like that was so moving. I didn't want to cry -- I just kept saying, "Oh my goodness," etc. She really did take my breath away. I always knew she was beautiful. She lost around 50 pounds last year, and has only become more beautiful.
Yesterday was a busy day. I left home at around Noon and got home at around 7:00 p.m. and was on my feet a good part of the time. By bedtime, I was pretty exhausted. But I couldn't go to sleep. I was still awake at 2:00 and awake again at 3:00, etc. That, along with my loft still needing a lot of attention from working so much the last couple of weeks, brought me to the decision to stay home today. I can't go into another marathon week being tired, and having things a mess creates more stress. So I didn't go anywhere today.
I got the loft back in decent shape and that feels good. I think for many, many years, I questioned whether I was capable of keeping a clean house. I would feel so overwhelmed that I would give up. But the last few weeks before I got so busy at work, I maintained things pretty well and I realized, especially with it just being me and my pets to look after, I can do this. And I wanted to do this. I feel so much better when things are reasonably clean and tidy. So I am feeling infinitely better about that part of my life.
Now I need to really zone in and get my act together on working out. I confess that my motivation for that is not really high at this moment. But you know what? You don't have to be motivated to do it. What's the saying? "Just do it." That's where I have to get my mind. And, if things go like they have in the past, once I get going, the motivation builds and I get pretty "addicted" to it. I truly hope that as I get my weight down more and more, that my pain levels will drop. I want to be able to do so much more than I am now. Sometimes I think, if I knew without a doubt that I will feel significantly better by having surgery, I would do it. But if I can feel significantly better just by losing weight, I want to do it that way. I just want to be able to be active.
I looked up and it is after 10:00, so I'd better hit the hay. I need to get up and work out in the morning. More tomorrow.
I slept reasonably well last night. I did wake up with a headache and that always messes with my motivation to work out. However, I never entertained the thought of not doing it and got my workout done. Actually, as I got going, my headache subsided. I did 30 minutes on the recumbent bike, doing arm work with 5 pound dumbbells while I pedaled. I like doing that because the time is gone before I know it. I'm going to do a little more this evening, doing some exercises that work my upper back and do some ab work. Those are all areas I want to be toned by the time of the wedding. I would also like to do some more calorie burning. We'll have to see how this work day goes.
Jerry came in and said he wanted to leave by 5:30 today. I have learned not to count on that, but I am hopeful I will get to leave on time today. He said he was tired after today's hearing, and I know he has to be. I am sure he prepared over the weekend, in addition to all the hours we worked last week.
I had a massage appointment today. She did this one thing with my arms that really hurt. I told her that I was having some pain when I do certain movements with my arms that felt like it did before I had surgery on my neck (only on the other side and not nearly as bad). She said that since my arms are always reaching forward, that I have holding patterns that when broken down, cause pain and soreness. The fact that I hurt does not mean that I am doing something wrong, but that I am doing something out of the ordinary. For instance, if I raise my arms up above my head when I am sleeping (which I have a tendency to do), my shoulders get sore, so I have been making a point of keeping my arms down. It has helped. But she said I need to challenge those holding patterns. What I am wondering is, is that always what it is? Because I feel like I did when I had a pinched nerve all the time in my neck. Trust me, I don't want that to be what is wrong; that is just what it feels like. I guess, even if it were a pinched nerve, I am not going to injure it by doing these movements. It may not help, but I will never know until I do it. She did say that reaching my arms overhead and behind me does take pressure off my neck, so maybe it will help.
She also had me lay for five minutes with a pillow under my lower back. That really hurts. But it is the same kind of thing. My body is so accustomed to bending forward at that area (by sitting all the time, etc.), and you have to stretch everything back the other way to counter the holding patterns you develop and stretch the muscles and connective tissue in the other direction. When you sit all the time, the muscles in front get shorter and tighter and the ones in back get longer and tighter. You have to counter what is being done when you sit as much as I do because of my job.
I'm curious -- some of you who have an office job like me -- sit and clasp your arms behind your back (not overhead, just behind you) and sit that way for a bit. Does it hurt? Of course, if you are not as old as I am, it won't have the same effect. But I am just curious how it affects other people. It is quite painful for me. I asked two other girls at work who are about my age -- no pain for them.
Breakfast this morning was some scrambled eggs with a little grated cheese and 2 sausage patties. I was pretty hungry this morning, since I basically went to bed hungry, so this did not hold me. I had bought some nuts to have later in the day, and ate them pretty early in the day. When I checked how many calories that was, I realized that I didn't need anything else until dinner. I got hungry this afternoon, but I waited. Still have my eye on the prize. I got off on time! I had the other serving of pesto and cheese stuffed chicken and some roasted asparagus. That satisfied me.
Now I'm going to do those shoulder and upper back exercises and ab exercises, as well as some of the stretches my MT has been telling me to do.
I printed out a couple of the Mother-of-the-Bride dresses to keep in view for motivation. I have no idea what I will look like by then, so these are just to motivate me. It would be awesome to look good in one of them by then. Here are a few. I may post more in the coming days.