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Thursday, October 10, 2013

Having Trouble Coping

I'm having a mixed kind of day so far today.  The good things are:

The scale is down a little further this morning.  If I hold it together for today and tomorrow, official weigh-in should be good!  I will have to be careful Friday night at my party.  I will be serving snacks.  I am serving low carb options, but will also provide some carby things for guests.  I will make that my dinner, I guess.  I will have some things like Little Smokies (sausage) with barbecue sauce (a low carb version), some artichoke dip with crackers, but will have some raw veggies to dip too, and maybe some pieces of sausage and ham would be good to dip, too.  The party has a kind of Halloween theme (although I don't really like Halloween--this is the consultant's deal), so I will have a bowl of candy corn (which will go out the door with one of my guests when the night is over).

My nightgown, that when I bought was really too tight to be worn in front of anyone, is fairly hanging on me now.  I will be into a bunch of "new" clothes very soon.  I hope there are some slightly wintery things in there.  When I was looking at my clothes yesterday, I realized I don't have much of anything for cold weather (although Texas rarely gets that cold).  I don't have any sweaters.  I do have things that can be worn with blazers, which is good enough, especially with an outer coat over it to walk to work.  I have heard we might have a cold winter, judging by how some of the animals are acting (squirrels are putting away extra, it appears, for example).

The not so good thing is:

I am feeling this morning like I don't know how much longer I can take these headaches.  They are wearing me out, physically and mentally.  I am so tired, partly from constantly being in pain (from headaches and back- and joint-related stuff), but also from the medication I take to try to combat it, like the muscle relaxant.  Making myself work out is more difficult than it should be right now, and it has more to do with this than anything.  I think how tired I am has everything to do with the chronic pain (or maybe I said that backwards).  I just don't know what to do about it other than keep on working on things.  So that is what I will do.  It just makes me not want to do anything.

Not only does the pain situation make me feel bad and tired, it also makes me want to eat, at times.  I want to eat for comfort and that won't do me any good.  I haven't really followed through on that, but this morning I keep thinking I want something to eat when I am not stomach hungry at all.  I know that is why.

My MT said I will likely have trouble with this as long as I have my current job, or any job sitting at a computer all day.  There is not much I can do about that.  There is nothing I could do that would make me an adequate living that does not involve sitting at a desk, at least not without going to school or something.  I sincerely hope that weight loss will help with my other issues, which would make this a little easier to deal with.

I did do my workout last night.  I was more tired than I am in the morning, so my resistance was set at 5 and 10 for intervals.  But I got it done and I cleaned out the refrigerator like I planned.  I did not work out this morning, but did get a thing or two done on the loft.

Breakfast was a serving of Ham and Swiss Pie, with 3 Little Smokies.  Hopefully that will hold me a little better than just the pie.  I still didn't bring any formal lunch.  However, after my massage, I picked up a side salad at Chick-Fil-A and had that.  I also had some almonds.

Massage today was more of the same, but it didn't hurt quite as bad today.  She still worked mostly on my headache issues.  Headache perhaps feels slightly better, but still definitely there.

I am home now.  When I left work, my headache had gotten pretty severe.  I don't know how much is going to get done tonight.  It led up a little while I was eating dinner, but I suspect it will be back.  I don't know why it sometimes stops when I am eating.  I suspect it is more of a mechanical thing than something like blood sugar.  I think I will ice my neck for a few minutes and then use the heating pad to see if I can get it to relax.  I am so very tired of this.  I am having trouble coping.

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