It's not quite 5:30 this morning and I'm up, workout clothes on and bed made. There's not a whole of stuff to do this morning cleaning-wise. There is, but not stuff I'd want to tackle before work. For the most part, my loft is in better shape than it's been since I moved in. I can't tell you how good that feels.
One thing I did not do yesterday is cook for the week. So I have to prepare my lunch or get something out. I don't want to do anything that will make mess I don't have time to clean up.
I had a hard time going to sleep last night. After all the activity of the day, my mind had a hard time shutting down, and I was in pain. I was going to say I was not aware of pain as I did the work, but I guess I was. But it was not any more pain than I usually have when I am up and around. It's just that I was up and around a whole lot more. But radiating pain in my hips did not want to stop and it was keeping me awake. I finally got up and took some pain med and was able to go to sleep then.
Right now, I'd better get up and get moving again before I start getting sleepy.
It feels good to be productive in the morning (and any time). I got my workout done and raised my resistance up a notch on my intervals on the recumbent bike. It was a good, sweaty workout.
One thing I need to work on in the morning is I'm getting to work later than I would like. Not technically late, but I feel like I am because I was used to being there by 8:30 and now I am getting there closer to 9:00. I'm going to work on that. It's just a mindset of how much time I have left at certain times in the morning.
I had bacon and a regular cheese omelet for breakfast.
I had a massage this morning and she worked me over good for my sciatica issues. She showed what to do if I am hurting like I did last night. And I guess I should do it to prevent that from happening. I feel so much better after she's done, but I seem to be back like I was the next time. She talks to me a lot about how I clinch my butt and that is causing a lot of my problem. She says that is likely how I have dealt with stress a good part of my life, so it is very hard to unlearn (but, of course, can be done). I will be standing in line to get my salad and I realize I am clinching. It's just a habit, but one I need to break. I am becoming more aware of it. I have to wiggle around a lot while I'm standing still to keep from doing it. My left hip bone is continually higher than my right, which puts all the pressure on my sciatic nerve. She kept talking about the sartorius (which I now know is a muscle, which runs from the outside of the hip, across the thigh, to the inside of the knee). That is exactly where my pain is. So I need to stretch as she is telling me to get this in better shape. I also continually have problems in my upper back, to the inside of the shoulder blades. This, and the neck, is where I also carry stress, and problems here are most often from poor posture and how you sit at your computer (and the fact that you do sit at a computer a lot). I just need to be doing more homework to get where I am making progress. As soon as I make this more of a priority, the sooner I will be getting better. I'm telling myself this. I'm tired of living in pain.
I got an e-mail today. My most generous boss in the whole world surprised me with another 5 private yoga lessons! That is a cost of $500. He never ceases to amaze me! God truly blessed me when He brought me to work for Jerry.
Lunch was leftover Green Enchilada Bake with a side salad. I need to cook tonight, but I also need to buy groceries sometime.
Evening did not go well. I have to confess I am struggling. I got home and my kitchen was so nice and clean, I just didn't feel like cooking and messing it up. I was trying to think what to eat. I had some bacon cooked, so I ate that. The Rangers were playing -- a playoff game to see if they would be advancing as the wild card team in the playoffs. It made me want to snack. I went to CVS and bought some nuts and some sugar free chocolates (just 5 in the package). I ate too many nuts and the chocolates, although sugar free, were not low carb. So that was my "dinner" last night. Could have been worse, but it was not good.
As I said, I am struggling. I am craving carbs, at times, and I am frustrated with the scale. Although, again, I put on something this morning I haven't worn in 2-3 weeks, and it is noticeably looser. I have to quit paying so much attention to the scale, but at the same time, it needs to move at some point.
I was out of eggs this morning. I had some more bacon and I finished the nuts from last night, which was probably right at a serving. So, technically, that was okay, although kind of unconventional. But I did not do a workout. I wasn't feeling very well, but I could have done it. It's all part of my struggle.
I don't want to flip-flop around, but at the same time, I need to adjust things to make it work for the long run. I have a friend who, at times, has encouraged me to try carb cycling. He lost a significant amount of weight a number of years ago and has kept it off beautifully. At the time, I didn't think it was something I would stick to -- I didn't think I would stick to the low carb days. Obviously, I can do that. I did a little internet searching on it and found out, Chris Powell, of Extreme Weight Loss, uses carb cycling. There are many phases of it -- you can do the "easy" way, which is one day high carb, one day low carb, etc. The "turbo" way, I think, is to do basically 6 days low-carb and 1 day high carb. I am thinking about doing that. I think if I just had one day a week where I could enjoy carbs (I do not mean sweets, and I do not mean white bread, etc. -- I mean healthy carbs), I wouldn't struggle as much. Knowing I had one day a week to look forward to enjoying some bread or pasta or whatever would make it easier to handle cravings. I need to look at what you should eat on your low carb days -- I think the key will be making sure your calories are controlled. And high carb day does not mean an all-out carb binge. It means being able to have a sweet potato or a sandwich that one day (as long as bread does not trigger more cravings), or some whole grain pasta, etc. And some fruit! Fruit is what I miss the most. I think that would help me struggle less with cravings. I did have a piece of fruit last Saturday, but that was the day I totally flubbed up, so it was not a good test of how that went.
My frustration has been that I have been following a program that seems very "strict" (it is strict in one way and easy in another), and yet I feel like progress is so slow. But if the program is more livable for the long-term, for me (as in something I will keep doing), that is not quite as frustrating to me. Deprivation and slow weight loss gets to me after a while. Once I find what works, this will be the way I eat from now on and then I can focus on my workouts and building a more active lifestyle (not that I won't keep doing that now).
So, does it sound like I am copping out? I hope not. I really am trying to think this through and not just be flip-flopping around. Now that I feel a little more rested in my mind about what I am going to be doing going forward (as I have talked this out), the frustration has let up, which is what made me not want to do a workout this morning. Hopefully I can pick one up this evening, if I don't have to work too late.
Lunch today will be a salad with some chicken I seasoned and baked wrapped in foil (so it should be nice and tender and juicy). I wish I had brought some avocado to add to it, but I didn't. I shaved some parmesan on it and put a few sunflower seed kernels on it, so it should be good.
I'm hurting again today -- basically from my lower back down. It only hurts when I am up on my feet and walking around, for the most part. Sometimes I wonder if I am going to be one of those people who cannot get better without surgery. How long have I been doing massage therapy? At least 3 months, I think. And honestly, my lower back feels worse than it did before I started. And I don't believe it is having an adverse effect. I just think I was going through a remission for a while there after losing from 300 down to 260. But things seem to be flared up consistently again. The thing I think will help it more than anything is weight loss, and that is going so slow. This is another reason I want to get moving. This is why I need to get going more on exercise I can do. I need to burn more calories to move things along. Trouble is, pain makes you not want to. I just have to find the strength within myself, with God's help, to do what needs to be done. I need to get some pounds off for my back's sake. I have never in my life put in this much consistent effort (on my eating) to lose weight and had so little results.
My feet (mostly my right foot) are hurting consistently too. I am wearing supportive shoes consistently at home. They actually bother me less in my work shoes, which usually have at least a little heel. I try to stretch the back of my heel and calf by flexing my foot fairly often, but it is still hurting a lot. When I wear a shoe that fits my foot closely, just the pressure of it hurts too. I hope I do not have to get injections, because I do not want to have to come up with the money, but I might. I am just so used to coping with pain, I keep doing it.
I am not going to make the same mistake I did last night. I came home and put some broccoli florets in the oven for roasting and defrosted a steak to grill. Not having a real meal led to my problems last night. I really need to go to the store, but I just don't want to tonight. But I won't want to tomorrow night either. I don't like it when payday is not before the weekend. I've got some CVS coupons. Maybe I can get enough there (eggs, sausage, etc.) to get me to the end of the week. I can always eat out if I need to.
I have now read a little more about carb cycling. I am not sure yet what I want to do. For now I am just sticking to what I have been doing until I better understand carb cycling and whether I think it will work best for me. If anyone knows more about carb cycling and how to lose weight that way, feel free to share.
Over and out.