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Saturday, September 21, 2013

Weekends are for Rejuvenating

Friday

I'm frustrated this morning.  It's that feeling of someone not being pleased with me.  Yesterday was push, push, push all day long, with multiple attorneys needing things from me and, at times, a real push for "get it done now."  I left last night and forgot to do one thing.  It is something that has no serious repercussions, but I had it in my mind until the last few minutes of being at work and then I ended up forgetting it.  As it turns out, the document I was supposed to send out was screwed up.  I know what happened is my computer crashed yesterday and I lost my changes.  I thought I had fixed all the changes, but I didn't realize it had affected this document, so a lot of his changes were not in there.  My computer is being very temperamental and I have to save often or I will lose my work.

I know I am overreacting -- these things happen and you just deal with them.  And my boss was very understanding.  This is the boss I have worked for for 20 years.  He is semi-retired and I don't do that much for him anymore, so it bugs me that I screwed this up.  But I am being too hard on myself, because I know it came from the computer crash.  I guess I expect perfection out of myself in certain areas.

These feelings really make me want to eat.  That was my first thought.  I'm just going to enjoy something carby this morning, just this once.  Fortunately, I recognized what was happening quickly.  I cannot feed these kinds of emotions.  This pleasing thing is obviously a big thing in me and I need to deal with it.  I guess I just have to confront each time it happens and eventually I will not react this way.

I REALLY overslept this morning.  But this is the first morning in a long time that I have felt pretty rested when I got up.  A lot of the time, I feel like I haven't even rested.  It was pouring down rain, so no walk with Cas, as well as no workout.

I'm still struggling with a headache.  I was reading yesterday that some people who start a low-carb diet have headaches for the first few weeks.  If anyone was going to get a headache from something, it would be me.  I have felt like these were different than my usual ones, so maybe that's what it is.  Regardless, they are no fun.

I want so much to take a week off, but I just can't right now.  I probably can't until November.  But I feel very burned out.  I wonder if I will ever feel caught up on that kind of thing.

Later

Today has been another crazy day.  I am still at work.  Jerry asked me before lunch if I could work late, so I wanted to make sure I ate enough at lunch where I didn't get too hungry before I got home.  I had brought the last of the Green Enchilada Chicken Casserole and was going to go downstairs and get some salad to go with it.  I got more salad than I would have.  I ended up eating only the salad and at 6:25, I am still not overly hungry.  If I get hungry, I still have the casserole to eat.

It has been another day of being up and down and walking around the office a lot.  I'm going to be tired when I get home.  It seems like I went from not very busy a week or so ago to crazy busy, overnight.

I finally got off at around 8:30.  I did eat the chicken casserole at around 7:30.  When I got home I just had a few nuts and that was it.  I usually like to stay up longer when I work late, so I have a little bit of an evening, but I was too tired.  I went to be around 10:00.

Saturday

The pets woke me up earlier than I would have liked -- that and having to get up to go to the bathroom.  I got up around 8:00.  I only lost .2 pound this week.  That's a little disappointing, except that I know my clothes are looser.  My system has been a little slow and I am going to do a bit of a cleanse tomorrow.  That's all I'll say about that.  :)

I had my breakfast and took Cas for a walk.  I got back and got very sleepy and actually fell asleep and slept another hour and a half.  I had been having lots of cravings and they seemed to be much better after the nap.  When I am having these cravings, I think of different carby things I might eat (I won't eat sugar, even though I am tempted at times), and anything I think of doesn't really sound good.  I think this is just emotional stuff.  Sugar is my long-time comfort.  But I know if I do that, I will be back where I was a few months ago.  When I think about eating chips or crackers, it doesn't seem like what I am wanting.  I just like the taste of sweets.  But I have come nowhere close to giving in.

My loft is improving; I'm making a little more progress on it.  I have just been doing that and having a quiet day at home.  My pain levels are up right now; I hope a break from massage this week will help me catch up a little.

I tried two recipes tonight from the low carb recipe page I found.  Crusted pork chops and faux mashed potatoes.  Both very yummy -- maybe the best pork chops I've had.  Not for those eating low fat, but not that fat loaded.  The crust came from a thin layer of parmesan and topped with a thin slice of onion that caramelizes on top.

That's it.  My life is so exciting.  But I worked more hours last week and I was pretty drained.  I have to rejuvenate on weekends, because this likely will not let up for a few weeks.

2 comments:

  1. I just found your blog. I am a single mom too. I have just one daughter who is a teenager and felt as she was getting older, I needed to focus on myself a little more. I have chronic lowback pain with neuropathy down both legs. I've had so many surgeries that I've lost count. Currently I'm on disability. My highest weight was 272. I had gastric bypass surgery and have never regretted it. Have you considered weight loss surgery? I could always lose weight, but never could keep it off. The only thing about gastric bypass is you cannot take NSAID's. If it wasn't for GERD, I would have probably had the vertical sleeve gastrectomy, as those patients can take NSAIDs. I would definitely look into it. I don't consider having weight loss surgery as the easy way out. If someone needed cardiac surgery, they would do it. WLS is just a tool. I still struggle with the head games, emotional eating, etc. but I also see a therapist who deals with eating disorders and a registered dietitian. If you would like more info, let me know. Obesity Help.com is also very helpful. Regardless, I wish you continued success and look forward to reading more of your posts.
    God Bless,
    Julie

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  2. I pursued it at one time, but it is excluded on my insurance and I have no way to self-pay. I had a friend who had it and had a very serious health problem afterwards. I know that is not always the norm. Also my daughter has had three intestinal blockages from abdominal surgery. If I can do it without it, I would rather. I know it has helped many people, but I feel like if I can lose 73 pounds on my own, I should be able to lose the rest. I am so much more well psychologically now than the other times I lost weight, so I am very hopeful that this is a lifestyle and not one of those things where I lose it and gain it right back. I'm not quitting. I am no longer in the abusive relationship that made things so tough and I feel like I get more well every day. I have thought about getting therapy too, and may do that when I can swing it financially. I want to do whatever I have to do to make it happen this time and for it to be a permanent change. How much have you lost? I am so glad it has been an answer for you. Unfortunately, my friend lost about 100 pounds and has never lost any more, and still needs to lose at least 100 more. She doesn't do what it takes to make the tool work.

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