Text Conversation with my youngest daughter:
Me: So do you think my new FB profile picture looks like me?
Beth: Yeah, why?
Me: Because guys on Match like it and I am wondering if I really look
that good. :p
Beth: Your hot mom, get over it ;)
Beth: You deserve a good guy.
Me: I just wish he would show up and I wouldn't have to do this. (Tears ensue -- for the "you deserve a good guy" comment.)
Beth: Lol, I know what you mean!
Incidentally, this picture was taken a couple of years ago when I was doing HCG. I weigh about the same now. I think I want to cut bangs again -- same basic hairstyle as I have now (except I need a haircut), but with some swoopy bangs. I like my hair in this picture. Heck, I like me in this picture. Not bad for 51 (which is what I was at the time) (talking about not showing my age). :p
I have always been reticent to post my full length picture on these sites, thinking it will scare guys away. But you know what? If it scares them away, I want them to be scared away. That way if someone shows an interest, I know they are really interested and not just fooled by a picture that doesn't show how things really are. That is not a lack of confidence. It is just screening out guys who I wouldn't be compatible with. No more hiding.
I woke up with a killer backache. I tried to sleep some more, but it eventually drove me from my bed. I'm doing all these things to help my back and hopefully avoid surgery. It kind of bothers me that a couple of months ago I had gotten to where I wasn't having a lot of pain, but now pain is driving me from my bed. It's not that I think I am doing things to injure it. I know it is just a process I have to go through. But I don't like it. One difference is that I am having back pain vs. radiating pain. Believe it or not, I consider that an improvement. The worse I get, the less my actual back hurts and the more radiating pain I have. It's the radiating pain that affected my mobility.
I worked on my boss' project this morning. Did you know that the law firm I work for played an interesting role in the aftermath of the JFK assassination? (Of course you didn't, lol.) We represented the man who was the owner (and photographer) of the famous amateur film you see of the assassination. Of course, everyone wanted to get their hands on the film after the assassination. Two lawyers from our firm represented him and had a role in our client's desire to help others (he made a donation to the family of the Dallas police officer who was also killed by Lee Harvey Oswald in the aftermath from the money he received for the film) and also provided some financial security for his family. That after he was assured that Jackie Kennedy and her children would be well taken care of. It makes me feel kind of a part of history. My boss is doing a presentation at a JFK memorial with the Bar Association and I was typing up his notes and doing a little research for it. Very, very interesting. I was 3 years old when the assassination occurred, so I don't remember it. But for those older than me, it was a time no one will ever forget (just like we will never forget 9/11). I work for a brilliant man, and it looks like there were at least two other brilliant men in the history of our firm -- not that I did not know that. I had the privilege of knowing those two men before they died a number of years ago.
I am hopeful I am beginning to really start losing (weight). Since I quit eating the snack bars, I feel like something is starting to kick in.
My daughter seems to be avoiding me. It's okay. I think I just need to let the things I have said to her sink in a little. She is not used to me being so direct with her. But I have to confess it hurts a little. I have to resist the urge to pacify. Because I truly believe I am on the right track and it is for her own good that she faces up to these things. It's just there is something in her past she doesn't want to remember, and to get well, she has to face it and start replacing those memories with good ones so they stop being toxic to her very being.
I started reading a new blog today -- I'm caught up on the other ones I've been reading. She has lost 14 pounds and is talking about needing to see a difference (which she did). It brought on this thought process. I have been stuck in the area (of my weight) I am in now so long (now and in the past), I have a hard time believing I will ever get past it. I need to dig in and work hard until I do get past it. But I hadn't realized I was feeling that way. I seem to come to realizations and then forget about them. Not that I don't have a lot of other stuff to think about. But I remember a few weeks ago saying I just needed to dig in for six weeks and focus on doing what I need to do and the weight would take care of itself. I have done that with my eating, for the most part. But I am still being very hit and miss with my workouts. Why can't I get my head in the game? I don't know. I think it goes back to that feeling overwhelmed thing. I have to learn to work through that.
I was wanting something different for lunch today. I decided to call in an order to Iron Cactus -- the bacon-wrapped shrimp I had a couple of weeks ago. I called and found out they don't take to-go orders until 3:00 (after Sunday brunch is over). So I decided to wait. In the meantime, I had a few almonds, a stick of cheese and an almond flour biscuit. Then, at straight up 3:00 I called in my order. It was yummy -- 5 shrimp stuffed with cheese and jalapeno, wrapped in bacon and grilled. The only thing that would have made it better was I thought the bacon could have been done better in spots. The shrimp comes on a bed of onions and peppers. Instead of the rice and beans it comes with, I substituted a side salad with jalapeno ranch dressing. Yum! It was as good as I hoped. Since I have eaten late, I probably will not have a regular dinner -- just something to satisfy my hunger when the time comes.
I am making another decision today of something else I am going to give up. I am not going to say what it is, but I hope to be able to report in a week that I have been successful. :) I set myself a reminder to prompt me to post about it if I have been successful.
I have a month before the wedding I was setting as a "deadline" to make good progress by that time. (I don't think that was a very well-written sentence, lol.) I am nowhere where I wanted to be. But I hope to have at least 10 pounds off by next month at this time. I really need to focus. I write about these things I want to do, and many times, I don't follow through. That needs to change. I still don't know if I am going to the wedding. If my ex is not going to be there, I will go for sure. But I am not to the place I wanted to be before seeing him again. It is just something I use for incentive. But I really want that moment I am hoping for. Even if it is just the satisfaction in my own mind.
I did the yoga workout on my Arms of Steel DVD. I was familiar with all of the moves -- only one of them I had never done, but had seen it. It transitioned into a (modified, for me) plank. I had to have my knees down and my arms only slightly bent. I wanted to have done this DVD before going to my last yoga session (as far as the private lessons go). This one is fairly elementary, but good for me to work on. I would like to get another one to go into after I have done this one a few times.
Cas has been restless and whining, so I got out and walked him earlier than usual. I was intending to make it a longer walk than I did -- we could both use the workout -- but hip and knee pain started getting out of hand. I did make it a 30-minute walk, a good part of it much brisker than usual, so that was good.
I plan to get to bed earlier than usual tonight so I can get a good start with a workout in the morning. I want to make the most of these next four weeks. I want to push past this place I've hung around way too long.