I'm sitting here feeling pretty stressed and trying to figure out why. I think it is because I feel like two different people are not pleased with me. That is such a huge thing for me that I need to overcome. I am hoping writing about it will get it out of me a bit so I can release the stress I feel. In one situation, I feel like someone is displeased with me for doing something that was the right thing to do. The other one, for something I certainly recognize I need to improve on. But it should not make me feel this bad. I just have to hold strong with the one and pray that it will be well received, and I have to work to improve in the other area. I don't have to heap shame upon myself; I just have to work to improve. Sigh.
I've been kind of hungry tonight, but have held off eating anything more. Mainly because I didn't feel like eating any cheese, I have had enough nuts, and I couldn't really think of anything else I have ready and on hand. I am drinking down my last bit of water. I did a little stretching with my back and inner thighs, which my MT said I needed to work on regularly.
I watched an episode of Extreme Weight Loss and this guy was amazing. I need to get my mind in gear and then get my body in gear. I don't know why it is so hard right now. This guy had major problems in both knees and still managed to lose more weight in a year than anyone Chris Powell had ever coached. Of course, I don't want to lose 200 pounds in a year -- I don't have 200 pounds to lose -- but I do want to kick it into gear a little more and work around my aches and pains. It all goes to how much I want this.
I officially lost .8 pound this week. I had dropped lower than that at one point, but I think my excess night before last accounts for the difference. I also think the Atkins snack bars were making me stall out. This is my second day without them, so we will see.
I made Lori's recipe for Almond Flour Biscuits (except I left out the oregano and basil this time, since I wasn't in the mood for that kind of biscuit). It was good and kind of carb-y-like, so I think should be helpful. It also tasted kind of eggy, which is fine. My cravings for carbs have already decreased a bit after one day without the snack bars. The next few times I make these biscuits, I am going to play around with different flavors. I might add just a touch of stevia next time. One biscuit was very filling. I had it for morning snack.
Breakfast was bacon and eggs with cheese.
I am having that overwhelmed feeling again. I am not going to let it get the best of me, but it does make me want to shut down. I was thinking about swimming this afternoon, this time trying some laps with the boogie board. Although sometimes kicking my legs too much makes my knee hurt. I need to keep my leg straighter when kicking instead of a repetitive bending of the knee. I am "worried" about my feet for this, though, and I had a very painful twinge in my heel one time this morning. I've been dealing with the resulting plantar fasciitis pain all week from last week's swim. I really need to get me some pool shoes.
As far as feeling overwhelmed, there is the situation with my daughter. If she doesn't get back to work next week, she will likely lose her job. There is already some financial drain from this, since she has not worked much the last few weeks. She got some AFLAC coverage and some short-term disability coverage, so that helped, but it is not enough. And she went back to work a few days, so that interrupted the short-term disability, if I am not mistaken. Since she has not been at her job a year yet, she doesn't have any FMLA protection. She is planning to go back to work Monday. I hope she can muddle through until we get some concrete answers and she starts feeling better. It is going to take a lot of determination on her part, and I don't see that in her right now, although she is very afraid of losing her job and her medical insurance. I hope that will produce the necessary determination to push through this even though she is feeling weak. Some good news is that she has an appointment to see the endocrinologist first thing Monday morning. Somehow they made room for her to get in.
If my daughter were to lose her job, that would mean I would have to come up with the money to pay her COBRA coverage. That's a lot of money every month. But I wouldn't know what else to do. Plus, she wouldn't have money to pay her bills.
I can use all the OT I can get, so if I am going to get any more on this coming check, I need to put in some hours today. The situation I discussed in the first paragraph above has to do with work, so I do have work I can do. Plus my boss gave me an extra project that he paid me cash for, so I need to do that. I already have the cash.
My other daughter needed a little help this paycheck, too. Thankfully, a lot of that will be made up with the coming one. It was just really bad timing.
Breathe and release. I can't let stress build up on me. I am no good to anyone if my health falters. I must keep doing what I know to do to take care of myself and keep making progress. I wish it was cool enough to go spend some time in the hot tub, but in 90 degree temperatures, that doesn't sound very inviting. I could do it at the gym, I guess. I wonder how I would do, doing some work on a punching bag. Lol.
Does anyone work out on a rowing machine? How is it on the knees and back? I am thinking of trying that. The guy on Extreme Weight Loss could do that with extremely bad knees, so I'm thinking it would be okay. *I did some reading on it and it sounds like a good workout. I think I will try it. (What did we do before the internet? It is awesome to find whatever information you need.)
I'm trying a new recipe for pork tenderloin -- actually a combination of two recipes. I made a paste of course ground mustard and garlic paste. I added some salt and some ground chipotle pepper. I've also been missing a little sweet taste in some recipes, so I added a packet of stevia (we'll see how that goes). I spread the paste all over the outside of the pork tenderloin. I sprinkled a little more salt over the top. I put it in the bottom third of the oven which was preheated to 500 degrees in an open roasting pan and cooked it for 11 minutes (exactly 5-1/2 minutes per pound). I left it in the oven and turned it off. It is now staying in the oven (without opening it) for 45 minutes or so until it reaches 140 degrees. Then you take it out and rest it under foil (it should reach around 145 degrees in 10 minutes or so). That's it. It's supposed to be slightly pink and wonderfully moist and tender. We will see how this works.
What I would like to make to go with the pork tenderloin is a sweet potato. When I up my carbs a little, I will do that. I will have to settle for a salad or something like that.
You may notice there is a little carrot in my salad, which is not really on the induction plan of Atkins. That is from the broccoli slaw I add for crunch, and there is so little of it, I don't worry about it. There are only a few shreds in the whole salad. Lunch tasted fantastic, which is good because a couple of times lately I haven't been enthused enough to finish it and then was hungry later.
Did I mention the other day that my sister-in-law may have breast cancer? She is going through a bunch of tests. They have no medical insurance. :( I don't know what I would have done without insurance. It has come in handy too many times.
I have mentioned that I really like (costume) jewelry. You can tell if I feel good about myself by whether I am wearing jewelry or not. If I go several days without wearing any, you know something is wrong. I think I need to get a second rack to hang mine on, though, since I am not through buying what I want to go with whatever outfits I have:
I ordered a new book, which will be my next "non-fiction" one to read. I need to finish The Beck Diet Solution first. It is called Pain Free for Women. It is all about keeping the body healthy through stretching. It uses a lot of the same techniques I am learning in yoga and massage therapy. I just wanted a resource to help me continue what I am learning and to be able to do it at home without a class or therapy appointments, etc.
I've gone on long enough. I need to get on with my day and actually do some of these things instead of just talk about them.