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Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Aww Nuts!


I felt pretty good about my weekend.  I buckled down and got quite a bit done yesterday.  I seemed to have more energy than I have had in a long time.  I don't know if it is the liver cleanse helping already, or the adrenal support supplement.  But I felt almost normal, at times, yesterday.

I lay down to go to bed at about 10:15 or so and had to get back up in a few minutes and take some medication.  I was hurting pretty bad, I had been on my feet so much.  I couldn't go to sleep because of it, and when I stood up, wow, it hurt.  My body was really tired, but I was hurting and my mind wouldn't shut down.  I kept having these strange thoughts (not conscious ones, so I was kind of dosing in and out).  I finally dropped off and slept okay until my alarm went off.

I got my loft in much better shape.  It feels much more peaceful now and I feel like I can function more in maintenance mode than cleaning up a mess mode.  The floor needed to be cleaned pretty badly.  My floors are polished concrete, so there is a lot of mopping to do.  And with the critters running around all the time, it gets pretty dirty.  So it felt good to get that done.  It wasn't that everything was a huge cluttered mess, although a little of it was.  My room gets cluttered easily because I spend a lot of time in there and it is so small, the least bit of clutter looks like a lot of clutter.  And I was doing a lot of cooking yesterday, so I was kind of working against myself, at times, and that's what took me so long.

I had a little struggle, a little stumble and a little victory last night.  After dinner I just wasn't quite satisfied.  Still just a little hunger.  I ate a few nuts.  Then I ate a few more nuts.  And then all of a sudden I was thinking, "You know you are going to, so why don't you just go ahead and finish this can of mixed nuts."  So I grabbed the can, sat down and started digging in.  But as I was about to get started, I began thinking about my reasons for wanting to lose weight that I have illustrated in my book.  I really didn't want to think about them.  You know how sometimes you get in that frame of mind that you don't want to think about the right thing to do; you don't want to talk yourself out of doing the wrong thing, you just want to do what you want to do.  I was trying to do that, but those reasons kept pushing themselves to the front of my mind.  And when I allowed them to grab hold, I knew I really did want those things infinitely more than I wanted those nuts.  So I went and put them in the freezer and didn't touch them the rest of the night.

Another thing that comes to mind as to why I let that happen was another rule from The Beck Diet Solution.  Never eat standing up.  I was eating those nuts as I was walking around doing other things.

But anyway, I was proud of myself for making myself stop after already starting to mess up.  I hope it won't have too big of an effect.  I didn't eat as many calories as I could have Saturday, so hopefully they will kind of even out this one time.

I was sitting here at my desk this afternoon and I was trying to get something done and I was literally falling asleep at my computer.  I was trying to decide whether to have a little caffeine, but I felt like I would be back-tracking on my progress if I did that.  So I had my snack, which was some nuts.  I actually was intending to have celery with peanut butter, but I was in the middle of something and didn't have time to prepare that, and I needed something to perk me up.  And it did help.  I was probably carb crashing a little bit.

I did pretty well with my time this morning before work.  I got up at around 5:15.  I did a few chores -- maintenance things, mostly.  I did 30 minutes on the recumbent bike and worked up a good sweat.  It was still dark out then, so I took my bath and washed my hair, then dried my hair before taking Cas for his walk.  I had Ham and Swiss Pie for breakfast, so all I had to do was heat it up.  I had most of my lunch in containers already; I just had to grab them and put them in my bag.  Then got my makeup on and dressed, etc. and off to work by 8:30.  The key was to not get on the computer.  If I get on the computer, I get sucked in too long and I run behind or talk myself out of doing stuff.

Snack was the other 2 stuffed mushrooms I made yesterday.  Lunch was leftover Korean Meatballs from yesterday, plus some broccoli slaw with some creamy coleslaw dressing I made yesterday.  Usually (to me), coleslaw dressing is kind of sweet.  This was not at all, but it was good.

This was as far as I got yesterday.  I ended up working late and didn't get on the computer when I got home, so didn't finish up my post.


I had another slip-up yesterday.  My boss came along at about 4:30 and asked if I could stay late.  I didn't really want to, but pretty much had to.  That bummed me out a little -- I don't know why, just my mood at the time.  So I told myself, since I have to stay late, I am going to eat a few nuts to hold me until I get home.  I ate more than a few.  I probably ate about 3/4 of a cup.  So, when I did get home, I didn't eat anything else.  Hopefully that made up for it calorie-wise.

So, I can already see that these nuts are a problem.  I do fine when they are almonds, individually packed in 100-calorie packs, and I can eat only a few walnuts.  But the cans of mixed nuts are tempting to me.  I took what I had home, because obviously they were too available to me yesterday.  I put all I had in the freezer.  If that doesn't do the trick and I still have more problems with them, I will have to get rid of them.  It's not worth it.  But I would like to have them available for a quick snack when I need them.

Breakfast this morning was another serving of Ham & Swiss Pie.  That stuff is really good!  I definitely will be keeping that in the line-up.

I did get up and get a workout done today, so that was good.  30 minutes on the recumbent bike.  I'm trying to schedule an appointment with the trainer at the gym.

My goal in the morning, as far as housecleaning, is to pick up after myself and leave everything tidy in the morning.  So I got my bed made up and made sure I put everything up that I used, and did some maintenance stuff like cleaning the litter box and giving Cas fresh pee pads (I don't get home for lunch much these days).  At least he has learned to use the pee pads and I am happy about that.  So everything will be tidy when I get home, which makes me feel more at peace.  I need to do some dusting and some polish work in the kitchen this evening (shining up the stainless steel appliances, etc.).  I haven't felt up to joining in with the activities of my Sunday school class lately, and that is partly because I felt like I had to get on top of things with the housecleaning.  I was thinking if I could keep things tidy during the week and do some of the maintenance chores each evening, then I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed and like I can't get out and do something else because I have too much to do.  Staying on top of this will help my underlying stress immensely.

Snack this morning was some celery sticks with organic (no sugar added) peanut butter.  Lunch was some salami and cheese, along with some broccoli slaw.    Snack was some nuts (I had put a serving in a baggie to make sure I ate the proper portion.  I worked until 8:00 and I was getting a little hungry, so I had a little slice of cheese (not a sandwich slice, but a little square).  When I got home I had some of the brisket I cooked Sunday night.  It was really good!  Maybe the best brisket I ever made.  It had a low-carb homemade barbecue sauce on it, and it had really good flavor.  I wanted some more, but I was too tired to cut more off and heat it up.  I had some more broccoli slaw with it (just because it was quick and easy).  I'll be looking forward to more brisket tomorrow.

I'm starting to have to work more lately.  That's because we are getting a case ready for trial.  The case was actually continued until the end of January, but the rest of our deadlines were not changed, so we have a lot to do before the end of October.  I like it in that I can use the money, but I don't like it because I am having to work quite a bit more.  That's why that morning workout is so important.  If I don't get it done then, it likely won't get done at times like these.

Well, I'm tired, so that's it for tonight.

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