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Thursday, September 5, 2013

An Answer? and a Little Hope

I'm struggling a little today.  I am still having a lot of carb cravings.  I am wondering if I need to not have the Atkins snack bars.  They taste sweet and they taste good, and I find myself wanting them.  I wonder if my cravings would decrease if I did not eat them.  They do seem to help when I am having cravings, but if the cravings would go away without them, maybe that would be better.  Sometimes, though, I think I will get sick of just the savory taste and no sweet.  Then I try to change things up a little and that does help.  I'm hoping this will pass soon.  Now I have done some reading on the Atkins snack bars.  Some people have indicated they stall when eating them.  Someone suggested cutting them into bite-sized pieces and just having a bite when you needed the treat.  That sounds like a good idea.  Darn!  It seems like everytime you find a little crutch, you have to let it go.

I'm walking with quite a bit of pain today.  My hips are really hurting.  Hopefully the massage appointment will help.

The coconut flour and the almond flour I ordered is already here!  That took only 2 days!  (I could have found a store in Dallas where I could buy these things, but I am so bad about getting out and about, I would rather order it and have it delivered to me.)  If I like the things I cook with it, I will look around at prices here and see where I can get it for the least amount.  I think tomorrow I will try some kind of biscuit or bread made from one of these instead of my Atkins snack bars.  Hopefully it will help a little with my cravings, and I still will be at my carbs target for the day.  I was fighting off the urge to have another snack bar last night and was successful.  Yay!  Anyway, I printed off a couple of recipes from Lori's blog that I will try.  I was looking at the Atkins recipes and they seem to use soy flour.  May have to look for that too, although I have heard you should stay away from soy.  If I can go low carb on coconut flour and almond flour, why not just do it that way?

My MT worked quite a bit on my hips and legs today.  When I walked in, I stepped down and said ouch!  She asked me what was wrong and I said sometimes my knee does that when I step down.  So she started in on me.  We found that my inner thigh muscles were really tight (I knew that from yoga Tuesday night) and she said that could be what is pulling on my knee.  I need to stretch those almost every day.  I do feel much better after the appointment.  My hips were really hurting and my legs feeling like it was too much work to take a step, not to mention pain.  Now they feel loosened up and not so painful.  She also worked on my quads.  I don't know if that was what she was focusing on, but that's where it pulled and stretched.  She had me lay on my stomach, bent my leg up at the knee, then raised my leg up and put my knee on top of something (her knee?) which she put on the table.  Then she would push my foot down to where my leg was almost bent in half at the knee, but with the knee still elevated.  I had to really work to not tense up my upper body to resist what she was doing.  But it really pulled on my quads, especially on my left leg.  Ouchies!  But it began to loosen the longer she held it and I didn't resist it.

She said I have likely been clinching my butt and hips for years during the years of abuse and as a response to stress.  That is why it is taking so much work to get them to release.  I find myself still doing that at times, like when waiting in line or just standing on the elevator.  If no one can see me, I try to move around and rotate my hips, etc. to keep from tensing up.  I'm just trying to confront bad habits to get myself to stop reacting that way.  I need to do stretching every night.

Lunch today was a Southwest Chicken Caesar Salad with no tortilla strips.  Last time I got one of these, I saw the girl mix it up in a bowl before putting it in my take-out tray.  She put the dressing in before the lettuce, and I swear, she put a half a cup of dressing in there for a small salad.  I told them to go light on the dressing this time, so she only put one scoop in this time.  That was plenty.  You don't have to watch fat so much on Atkins, but that was excessive in my opinion.  You don't count calories, but calories do count in the long-run.  I think from now on when I get salads from there, I am going to ask for the mixed green salad, where you can add all the other veggies you want, like broccoli, etc., and then ask for whatever dressing and cheese I want.  That way I get more veggies instead of just romaine lettuce.  What I need to do is bring stuff from home on the days I have massage appointments, but I haven't had myself together enough this week to do that.

Things are coming to a head with my daughter.  She is in danger of losing her job (and thus, her medical insurance).  She is planning to go back to work, even though she feels too weak to be able to handle it.  I spoke very plainly about some things I probably should have said long ago.  Not things she is doing wrong.  But things that needed to be said.  I pray she receives it and we can find some answers.  If you are a praying person, we can certainly use your prayers.  If you have read my blog for very long, you know that she lost her job last year for this issue.  She is too old to be covered on my medical insurance and COBRA insurance is out of sight.  But I would have to find a way to come up with the money for it.  I feel surprisingly calm at the moment.  I guess you kind of know when it is something you cannot fix.

I worked late and did not end well tonight, but I feel good about stopping the snack bars starting tomorrow and hopefully that will help with the cravings.

I've done a lot of research this evening concerning Stephanie.  I am convinced that Stephanie has PTSD and has had it since early childhood.  So many things make sense about her personality and her ailments.  I even found out that excess cortisol (which is a result of PTSD and can eventually cause adrenal problems) causes excess scar tissue.  Now if we can just get her the help she needs.

That makes me feel a little hopeful.  Honestly, I have worried about eventually losing her if we don't find out what is wrong.

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