I've already posted, but feel the need to "talk" a little.
I'm really struggling with the issues between my two daughters. It would be so much easier if Steph was completely healthy. But a lot of what they struggle with has to do with her not feeling well a lot of the time. I see both girls' points of view and they both need to improve, but neither one seems to listen to me. I kind of wish we could get some counseling. Regardless, I have to not let this stress me out too much. They say stress is a big reason the body produces cortisol, which causes your body to store belly fat as a protection to your organs. So I need to learn to release this stress and not carry it around. I personally cannot do anything to fix this, so I cannot take this on myself. I pray that some solutions come to light in the coming months.
One opinion I have about the situation. I think my girls should not have dogs. They cannot agree on how to take care of them and the one who wants them the most is not healthy enough to give them the care they need, which is to exercise them regularly. Because of that, the dogs' behavior is creating stress. I think they are creating more problems than what joy and satisfaction they receive from them. Some animal lovers may not like what I am saying, but this is not a normal situation. Someone else could provide a better home for them and give them the care and attention they need.
I'm going to go do some relaxation exercises to try to release some of the stress I am feeling.
Well, my relaxation attempts were interesting last night. I decided to take a hot bath by candlelight, with soothing music playing. So I got everything ready and went in the bathroom and closed the door. Aaaaahhhhh. It was nice. Then the cat started meowing and scratching at the door and did that basically the whole time I was in there. (I don't know why -- I take a bath every morning with the door shut and he doesn't do that.) I continued with my bath and tried to ignore him. Then the smoke alarm went off. I had taken it off a couple of weeks ago because I was bombing for bugs. It had been on the kitchen cabinet, but I put it in the bathroom when I was cooking because I didn't want to set it off. Either the steam from the bath or the candle set it off. Oh well. I tried. Lol. I posted this story on Facebook and everyone thanked me for relieving their stress by how much laughter it produced.
I had taken my meds before bed, including a muscle relaxant. I intended to do some deep breathing while falling asleep. I started doing it, but it didn't last long. I was out. I guess that is the ultimate relaxation, though. I had weird dreams, so I must have been sleeping deeper than I sometimes sleep.
My foot is feeling a little better this morning. It's not there yet, but definitely improved. I am wearing my athletic shoes with inserts all day.
I weighed in this morning, although I just started Atkins on Tuesday. But Saturday would be my normal weigh-in. I've lost 2.6 pounds since Tuesday. So hopefully it is getting started. From what I have read, the first 3 days are tough, and you experience a lot of side effects in days 4-6, but after the first week you should start feeling better and seeing big results. I hope so.
I was dragging this morning and having some sugar cravings. I made a lovely frittata for breakfast -- diced onion, Anaheim pepper, asparagus and mushrooms, sautéed in olive oil and butter, with some adobo seasoning. To that I added 8 eggs, seasoned with Adobo seasoning and pepper. I let that set just a little and put 4 slices of sharp cheddar cheese on top and put the whole thing in the oven to finish setting up. 15 minutes at 350 degrees and it was ready. It was set, by not browned. It was very good. One-fourth of that was a serving. I had that with some breakfast sausage. But later in the morning I was dragging and craving sugar. I had a Total Zero Red Bull and my Atkins snack bar a little later, and that helped. I figure that is better than falling off the wagon. Hopefully these cravings will decrease.
I did get up and walk Cas first thing. I didn't want to, but I knew it would be too hot as it got later, so I did it then. He certainly needs it. He gets a lot more exercise when the weather is not so hot.
Otherwise, I'm getting some work done around the loft. I don't really want to go anywhere and I want to get things spiffied up, including de-cluttering and down sizing, so I have more peace and can rest. So that's the plan for today.
I did go out to lunch/dinner with my girls. I told them I didn't want to leave downtown because once I get out, I have trouble getting back to it when I get home. So we went to Iron Cactus, which is just across the street and down a little bit from my loft. I ordered shrimp stuffed with cheese and jalapenos and wrapped in bacon. There were four of them. Instead of the rice and beans that usually comes with it, I asked for a side salad with jalapeno ranch dressing. The shrimp also came with sautéed onions and peppers. It was all delicious. The highest carb thing on that plate was the onions and peppers. Those added up to about 5.1 carbs. Next time I will eat half of them, but they were delicious!
Later I had another Atkins snack bar. All of my meals were pushed later than usual. I had some cheese later and was debating whether to eat anything else. I added up my carbs and I had gone over by 1 (which I am not going to worry about), but I knew that limited what else I could eat. I did get a little hungry so I ate a ground sirloin patty I had cooked earlier before I knew I was going to eat with my daughters. No carbs in that.
I got quite a bit done today, so that was good. I still have more to do, though.
My feet were sore again this morning (both of them). But first thing in the morning is always the worst time. I ended up wearing my flip-flops part of the day yesterday, after we went to eat, and that was a mistake. I will not do that today. I also plan to do a little icing and stretching today. I walked Cas with my athletic shoes on and they didn't bother me much then. I did not want to get out and walk. It was later than usual and I figured it would already be pretty hot. But I got out and it was so beautiful outside. I rarely see the wind so calm, and it was mild and very beautiful. I'm glad I went and Cas appreciated it.
The scale was down a little more this morning. I hope I am on my way now. Now to get back with regular exercise this week. My lesson in The Beck Diet Solution was to decide on an exercise plan and to write it down to make yourself more accountable. I will post that tomorrow.
I had leftover frittata and sausage again this morning. So good.
Later in the morning I had a snack bar. Those really help with cravings and only 2 grams of carbs.
I really wanted to rest up and catch up this weekend so things did not feel so overwhelming this week. Seems like I have been dragging since Steph was in the hospital and haven't fully gotten on top of my schedule (if I ever have). After the work I do this weekend, I'm going to try to do a better job of maintaining this week. I got a message this week that my rent was going to be raised 3% in the coming year. I "fought" it a little, to no avail -- everyone gets a 3% raise each year -- but they did offer some complimentary house keeping services in the coming year. So I get 2 cleanings anytime during the next year. I have been wanting to start having someone clean every month, but I feel like I need to be on top of things better for it to do much good. Things are going much better on the house training with Cas -- he consistently uses pee pads when I can't get home to take him out -- so I feel much better about that. I just have to stay up on things better, and it shouldn't be that much work. The real problem comes when you get behind. I need to use cognitive therapy techniques for this situation too. The 30 concentrated minutes a day makes a difference. Plus doing work here and there like I have always done. I don't know why it is so hard for me. Someone told me that some people are just wired differently so that organization is a much bigger challenge for them. That would be me.
On the agenda today -- mopping, carpet cleaning and cleaning bathrooms.
For lunch, I had an Atkins meal bar. I just didn't feel like cooking and making mess I had to clean up. I was afraid it wouldn't be enough, but I was busy and did fine until snack time. You are only supposed to have Atkins bars or shakes twice a day, at the most, so I had some cheese for snack. And some dill pickle spears. :)
Well, so far today I haven't done everything I planned. I did some reading about cognitive behavioral therapy for disorganization. The article I found talked about hoarding. I am not a hoarder. But I did a little more reading and I have what they called chronic disorganization or challenged disorganization. It is not a mental condition, but a behavioral thing and basically you just have to learn new habits. There are many causes, a couple of which I recognized. Anyway, I spent some time going through the drawers in my bedroom and closet and purging. I will keep working all evening.
I ran across something while I was doing this. I found a CD and I wanted to find out what was on it to see if I could throw it out. It was a series of pictures that were taken of me in 2006. I remember why, but the why is not the issue. The pictures made me want to cry, to tell you the truth. I remember that woman and how much she hurt. But I can also rejoice, because that woman has healed so much and has come so far. Anyway, here is one of those pictures.
It is very hard to look at for me. This brings me to my second reason for wanting to lose weight, which I illustrated with pictures in my notebook. I am reading these over at least twice a day and the pictures help me remember those reasons more vividly. My second reason is: "I want to win this battle I have fought my whole life."
I have always hated that first picture. I was in 6th grade. To tell you the truth, I have a hard time loving that little girl. I did not like her and I have always been very unforgiving of her. That needs to change. The second reminds me that I was not as big as I thought I was as a teenager. I was 14 in that picture, I think. The third one is after the birth of my first baby, my son. The last one was in 2007 -- I've kind of used it as my before picture, but now I have more with those I found today.
Okay, I'm going to close this and cook myself some dinner. The plan is a pork chop and some mashed roasted cauliflower. I think I'll have some green beans with that if I have enough carbs left. I should.
I'm on my way.