Today started pretty busy. I decided I should go to work this morning and then, knowing my main boss would be out this afternoon, come to the hospital in the afternoon. I was very tired this morning. I had planned to get up and work out, but the body was not cooperating. Maybe that is a cop-out, but this is not my normal schedule. My body is hurting from the hospital chair, plus being at the hospital all day wears me out. I'm not going to worry about it as long as I continue to do well on my eating. I dragged into work at 9:00 (a little later than usual). My backup was extremely busy and stressed. She was very happy to see me. It was one of those days when everything was going wrong. I was in the office that Jerry and I work in together and the keyboard quit working. I got some new batteries and it still wouldn't work. We had to reboot the computer, which took a really long time for some reason. It seems like this stuff always happens when I'm in a hurry. Jerry is none too patient with stuff like that. But I took the revisions he was giving me and did them on my computer. But we got it done and things settled down a little after that.
Breakfast was a protein bar and a banana. I needed easy and that was easy.
A lady at our firm is retiring and we had her party today. She is 80 years old. Please, Lord, don't let me have to be working when I am 80! The party was a surprise, and it was carried out beautifully, even though she is usually the one who sets up for these types of things when we have meals brought in or groups in the conference room. The menu was barbecue. I knew this was coming, so had not used any weekly points earlier in the week. I really didn't eat that much, although the potato salad and cole slaw are not low points foods. I haven't counted up how many points it was, but I am sure not bad. I actually was still a little hungry. I skipped all the desserts they had.
After that, I left to go to the hospital. I had to pick up something for Steph. After getting there and getting all that settled, I decided I wanted to find something to satisfy my hunger a little better, knowing I have weekly points available. I found some sugar free, low-fat ice cream in the cafeteria, so I had that. I will have to pay attention to see if this sets off cravings. If it does, I won't do that again; otherwise, I don't mind having that every once in a while in a situation like this. So far, it has not. Most of what I would have to choose from here was baked chips, granola bars (can't have), nuts, etc. I could have gotten fruit, but I have been eating a lot of fruit. I had some watermelon at home before I left for work. This hit the spot, anyway.
I read blogs for a while and got sleepy after that, so Stephanie and I both slept for a while. I was doing an exercise in my mind before I fell asleep. I decided I was going to imagine myself as I would be after reaching my goal and what my life would be like. I didn't get very far with it until I fell asleep, but I think it is a good exercise. I need to really believe that this will happen. If my faith and hope are strong, it will keep me on track when the going gets rough. I can do this. I will do this.
I am doing very well with the hospital juggling act this time. I think a big key is being off sugar. For one thing, my appetite is much better regulated now. For another, if my cravings were in full force, sitting around the hospital room would be the time I would start thinking of wanting sweets all the time. I have been known to keep a big bag of peanut M&M's up here to snack on. It is not an option this time and my mind isn't even going there. Even when I am hungry, I want to stay on track. Getting off of sugar was the smartest thing I could have done, I believe. It is what will help me make this a lifestyle. I feel pretty normal as far as my appetite is concerned. This is Stephanie's 16th surgery. I decided it was high time I mastered this hospital situation. I need to become a master hospital visitor, as often as I have had to do this. However, I told Steph I didn't want to visit her in the hospital again, unless it was for her to have my grandbaby. Lol.
I got dinner at the hospital grill again. Here is an example of their food.
Grilled chicken on wheat bun with onion, peppers and mushrooms and a side salad with lite dressing. Pretty tasty. They sure make it easier to stay on track at this hospital.
I am still reading Holly's blog. She has brought to mind how obese people are treated and, oftentimes, ignored or mistreated. I still have those reactions to a degree, ignored more than mistreated, but not as much as when I was a lot larger. I determined that I would be friendlier and more caring for larger people, especially the super obese. Not that I have ever been unfriendly, but they likely need friends and encouragement more than anyone. With that thought in mind, there was this girl on the elevator this morning. Now she was not anywhere near super obese, but she was a large, young girl. She was dressed very nice with her hair done and make-up on. So I told her she looked pretty. She did look pretty. She was surprised and, I could tell, gratified. So I felt good that I had done that. I don't want to sound like I am looking down on people. I just genuinely want to be an encouragement to people who probably don't receive much encouragement from other people.
Holly was writing in her blog about a period of depression she went through and at one point admitted that a lot of it had come after a rejection of sorts from a guy who had been paying her a lot of attention. I really think that was what happened to me a couple of months ago. I was not rejected, but something about how that whole thing played out and things he said made me revert back into that insecurity I felt for so long. It messed with me for a while. I don't ever want to have to try to convince someone that I am worthy of their attention. But I am afraid I have done that a lot in my past. I want to be strong and know that I have plenty to offer anyone and not allow someone to make me feel like that again. If we don't click, that's fine. If they don't see my value, it's their loss.
I'm going to spend another hour or so here at the hospital and then head home. Hopefully, Stephanie will go home tomorrow.