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Wednesday, July 17, 2013

It Can Only Get Better from Here

This morning was tough.  I did sleep better last night, thank the Lord.  I took a Benadryl (I have been sniffly too) and a half a muscle relaxant.  It was hard to get myself going this morning.  I don’t know if the medicine was making me draggy, or if it was because I had gotten so tired.
 
I argued with myself about doing a workout.  I told myself I would go get on the recumbent bike and reassess the situation in 30 minutes.  Lol.  I don’t know why, but that worked. Basically, I just had to quit thinking about it and do it.  And it was tough.  I was doing the 5-20-5 routine on the bike on a resistance of 7 and 7 was very difficult today.  I felt like I wasn’t going to make it and kept telling myself __ more minutes, just keep going.  I finally decided to add the arm work just to distract myself from how much time was left.  That seemed to work.  I don’t know why sometimes a workout is so much more difficult one day than it was the day before.
 
One thing that was bothering me during my ride was my stomach was being contrary.  Felt kind of like heartburn or something.  I don’t know if medications were messing with my stomach or what.  I finally had to take some Tums later in the morning.
 
I am having trouble keeping all my balls in the air (that’s a reference to juggling, if you don’t get it, lol).  There are several areas I am always working on and it seems like I make progress in two or three, and another one falls by the wayside.  This week it is cleaning.  I need to catch up.  I stayed busy socially and did my workouts and have been eating like I should, but I have been tired (plus the extra stuff that came up) and haven’t gotten as much done around the house as I need to.  I will go home during lunch again and get some more done.  I am thinking about asking for Friday off.  I totally forgot about a family reunion type thing going on this weekend.  That means I will have family in town and there is a possibility they could come to my house, so I want things to look nice.  Work has been a little slow the last couple of days, so maybe I can make that work.
 
A lady who used to work at my office dropped by yesterday.  She left here in 2008 and I haven’t seen her since about then.  That was before I lost any weight, so must have been 65-70 pounds heavier then.  I said hello to her and she did a double-take.  She didn’t say anything, but I could see it dawn on her that it was me and something was different.  I loved it.
 
Breakfast this morning was another breakfast sandwich.  The same as yesterday, except only one egg.  This time I sprinkled some garlic powder on the cheese and it was the best one yet.  I went home for lunch and had a BLA (bacon, lettuce and avocado) sandwich.  Yum!  Along with that I had some baby carrots and Pop chips.  Later I had some grapes.
 
I got a couple of things done while I was home, which always feels better, but I still have a lot to get done.  Housework is so never-ending.  I have a comforter that needs washing and it is too big for my machine.  It would take a fair amount of time to do it at a Laundromat, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving while it was washing and drying for fear someone would steal it.  I decided to check with the cleaners on my way to work to see if they did any laundry service.  They do.  You know what it would cost to have them wash and dry my comforter?  Almost $25.  I put it in my washer to try again, but I don’t think it has enough room to move around enough to get it clean.  I have a front load, but it’s not very big.  But I don’t think I want to pay $25.  I’ll have to venture out and find a Laundromat and spend the time.
 
My headache is a little better this week.  I have had some, but they are not so constant.  I think what I have been doing at home has helped (keeping my shoulders down, etc.), so the massage Monday is helping more quickly.  I have another one tomorrow.
 
It occurs to me every once in a while how my struggle has shifted a lot from where it was at the beginning of my blog.  At that time, I was in constant pain.  Except for the headaches, that is not the case now.  Now that I don’t have aches and pains, but they are not so consuming as they were then.  The weight loss has really helped.  I am feeling more normal, except for limitations I know I have about what kinds of activity I should do.  Now I can dig in to eating right and exercise, as long as the exercise is something that does set anything off.  I really have more pain when I sit too much than from any workout I have been doing.  I think that is such a testimony of success.  It can only get better from here.
 
Now the struggles are more mental.  All the things everyone who has been a food addict deals with are at the forefront of my struggles now.  But that is good.  Trying to tackle both of them seemed impossible at one time.  A lot of the emotional things that caused my eating problems are healing more and more.  Now it is just learning to walk it out and not fall back into old patterns and habits.  Of course, I am sure there will be many more layers to be peeled off.  But when I think back to where I was 9 years ago, at the end of my marriage, I have come so very far.  And I am learning little tricks to get me out of ruts.  Boredom is a big problem producer.  So I am combatting that now.
 
I am reading a blog from the beginning by a young woman who weighed 417+ pounds at one point and now has lost 240 pounds.  In different posts, she describes how it was, physically, to weigh that much.  She could not sleep in a bed for fear of suffocating.  She had to sleep in an elevated position, and if she used pillows, she was always worried she would shift off of the pillows in her sleep and wake up not being able to breathe.  She found a recliner large enough for her and slept that way for a long time.  She described how she worried about dying in her sleep and her four young children finding her (her husband had left her).  She said for a few years she never fully slept because of this fear.  I never got that heavy, but I felt on the edge of going that direction.  It was so scary when I was having the back issues and getting around was getting more and more difficult.  I knew if I lost my mobility, that would likely be the catalyst that sent me into the super obese category (or whatever the category was that was worse than mine).  I am so thankful I was able to get going without that happening.  This woman had weight loss surgery.  I pursued that at one point, and I am not against it if it will save your life and you haven’t been able to get it done any other way.  But I am so thankful I was able to get going without having it.  I hope I never feel completely out of the woods.  I must always guard against gaining weight.  If I do not work toward not gaining weight, I will.  There is no room for being casual about it for me.
 
My youngest daughter called and said she needed to go to the doctor because she wasn’t feeling well.  (She is the one that is almost always healthy.)  She said her lymph nodes were swollen and her throat was achy.  She went to one of those CVS Minute Clinics, which are covered on my insurance, and she has mono.  :(  She just started a new job about a month ago, so has no sick leave accrued.  She said she is going to try to work as long as she does not run a fever.  I don’t know how advisable that is, but….  Bless her heart.  She’s a hard working girl.  That makes me pretty impressed with the CVS Minute Clinics.  She just walked in, paid a reduced cost over going to the doctor, and they did a blood test and were able to tell her what was wrong.  There is no prescription for mono, but they could have prescribed medicine if it was indicated.
 
I got home and decided I was going to do another vigorous walk with Cas, like a couple of nights ago.  I set out to do that, but after a few minutes my back started feeling twinge-y and I felt a hint of radiating pain.  I decided there was not point pushing it.  There is plenty of time to increase my workouts.  Setting off a flare-up is not going to help.  So I ended up just doing a regular walk, with about 10 minutes extra of hard walking.  I did do a few toning exercises this evening -- mostly core exercises.  Those were tough.  I am soooooo out of shape.
 
That's it for today.

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