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Monday, June 17, 2013

Writing a New History

I am really struggling this morning.  I am so tired.  I have never had a hangover, but I imagine how I felt this morning is what one feels like.  Of course, my ever-present headache, plus just feeling like I’d been run over by a truck.  I didn’t drag myself in to work until 9:00 this morning.

This is Day 1 of the 100 I talked about yesterday.  It is important I start it off on the right foot.  However, I think it is important that I try to have a “normal” day.  No trying to make up for yesterday’s slip-ups.  Just a regular on-plan day.  So that is what I am trying to do.
Being tired is a huge trigger for me.  Being in pain can be one too.  Tired and hurting together is not a good combination.  It makes me want to comfort myself by eating.  Remind me that going to a Rangers game is better on a Friday night or a Saturday, or take a vacation day the next day.  It gives me a day to recover from it.  I hope someday an outing like that won’t take it out of me so much, but right now it does.  All the walking and the hours of baking in the hot sun wears me out.

So, breakfast was protein waffles with blueberry topping.  I had a banana and a stick of RF string cheese for a snack.
Today I am going to try to make some headway on my desk at work.  I will feel much better if it is in a more orderly state.  The projects of the last couple of weeks haven’t helped that situation.  When I get home tonight, I am going to work on some of the cleaning I didn’t get finished this weekend.  That will make me feel better too.

In thinking about the anchor I discussed in my post yesterday, not only do I want to make as much progress with my weight as possible in the next 100 days, I want to make as much emotional progress as possible, too.  There are several books I have bought to read in that connection that I have not gotten to.  I am going to make it a goal to read at least one chapter a day in those books and to follow the advice it gives.  For instance, some will involve some journaling and soul-searching.  I know from experience that most of my healing has come from time and from being pro-active about getting well.  That is my focus for the next 100 days.
I made a list of some things I want to work on in the next 100 days.  I’m not going to put it here, because some are not just weight loss related.  And I already talk about some of it here.  I am going to assess daily whether I have done what I can do to move toward my goals.  That’s all I can do is work toward it.  You cannot put a deadline on these things.  If you have done what you can do each day to make progress, that is enough.  I am not going to pressure myself to do anything unreasonable.  For instance, when you watch the show Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, an individual might be given the goal to lose 100 pounds in 90 days.  And they reach that goal because that is all they focus on.  I cannot expect that of myself with my job and my physical limitations, etc.  But I can make it my goal to stay on plan 90% of the time, meet certain elements of a physical challenge (exercise), read a chapter in a book each day, etc.  My list is just designed to keep me proactive.  I wore an outfit yesterday that I have been in for a number of weeks.  I was thinking that if I were really focusing on things and not letting myself get tripped up so much, those clothes would have already been too big.  I don’t like the feeling that I have not made use of my time.  That is my goal.  To make effective use of the next 100 days.  To not let those 100 days slip by without making more progress.  We will see how it goes.

Lunch today was 2 small crab cakes (a serving has 5 points) with a green salad.  I brought some Greek yogurt and fruit to finish out lunch and to have for snacks.  This evening I will have some of the stuffed shells I made, some salad and fruit.
Because of the way I started this morning – I was really struggling – I did not get a workout done.  So I need to do something tonight.  I have kind of pumped up my motivation and I want to be able to check off some exercise as one of the tools I am using on my 100-day challenge.  I also want to find a challenge to participate in – on WW online or something.  Those always helped me in the past.

I was thinking of going through a beginning walking plan, just to give me a script to go by on getting more exercise.  I am already walking as much as that plan gets to.  So I pulled up an intermediate plan.  I am almost already doing all of that one.  The exception is that I need to walk more briskly.  So, I am going to follow the intermediate plan and do the brisk walking (my rate of perceived exertion should be between “somewhat hard” and “hard”).  I want to focus on getting the pace/exertion where it needs to be.  I think the best way to do this is on the treadmill.  I don’t have to worry about the heat, and I can get the exertion where I need it to be with incline, as well as speed.  This week only starts with 5 minutes of warm-up (which would be how I usually walk), 10 minutes of increasing that to where it is at least somewhat hard, and 5 minutes of cool down, at least 3 times this week.  I can face that.  I will also have my walks with Cas, but I have to focus more on his behavior during those times, so probably will not use those for my workout.  Those walks can be the added, everyday things you are supposed to do to increase your activity.  So, it is set.  This week I will do at least 3 days on the treadmill on week 1 of the workout.
I was looking at some advanced plans.  They don’t seem to be as much as what I used to do every day.  I walked on the treadmill for 60 minutes most every day, at an incline of around 7-8 most of the time, with speed intervals.  That is what I will work back up to.  I just hope my back can handle this.

The other thing I want to start this week is some toning workouts in the pool.  I am bummed that I forgot to buy me a “noodle” this weekend.  I’ll have to make a special trip to the store to get one; then, in the evening when it is getting near dark, I’ll go to the pool and do my toning workout.  I think that is the safest place to start to hopefully avoid any flare-ups in my lower back and to be kind to my knees.
If my knee starts bothering me too much with the walking workout, I will try it with the elliptical (or even walk in the pool).  I will keep getting the injections as long as they are helping, and I am planning to ask to be put back on Celebrex, which is an anti-inflammatory that worked really well for me in the past.  I am hoping to avoid that knee replacement altogether with weight loss, but I hope it will at least be a couple of years before I have to have one.  However, many people who have had one say they wished they had done it long before they did, it made such a difference for them.  I would want to get a partial, if possible.  My doctor said that might be all I would need, if it comes to that.  But I am nowhere near feeling like I need it right now.  I just hope the increase in exercise doesn’t change that feeling.

We have still not heard the results of Steph’s testing.  However, she is not feeling well at all.  She is now feeling nauseous, which sounds very familiar.  Before they found the last blockage, she was vomiting dark bile, but had been feeling nauseous for quite a while before that.  I am planning to get an emergency plan in place in case she goes into the hospital.  I want to start building momentum, and I don’t want to lose that momentum by letting this catch me by surprise.  I will plan what to eat, how I will get my exercise, and how I will take care of everyday things.  Since the trial was continued until November, I may end up just taking off some while she is in the hospital.  It is a lot to handle with being there (at the hospital) as much as you feel like you need to and working.

Later

It's evening and I am home, implementing my plan.  I had my planned dinner and stayed on track.  I am doing a little cleaning in short spurts and I walked Cas.  Tonight, I decided to do my walking workout while walking Cas.  I warmed up by walking him to the usual park and let him do his business.  Then I took off at a much quicker pace for a few blocks.  It definitely felt "somewhat hard."  I don't know that I did 10 minutes, but pretty close.  By that time we were to another small plaza, where I let Cas sniff around and explore.  He would have been pulling at me if I didn't.  I walked the rest of the way home at the slower pace as a cool-down.  Tomorrow morning I will go to the fitness center for a walking workout, and possibly some weights/resistance.

Now I am going to finish out my evening with some more cleaning and reading a chapter in one of the books I have been meaning to read.  I will also listen to Daily Audio Bible, which is another thing on my list.  Maybe a little reading for pleasure after that, if there is time.

I can check today off as doing what I needed to do to have the results I want in 100 days.  I am being proactive about "writing a new history" for myself (with God's strength and wisdom).$

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