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Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Unburying and At the Hospital with Steph

I made it through yesterday with the plan I am considering.  I don’t want to go into any detail yet, since I have been so on again, off again.  But I want to check in to keep myself motivated.
I am trying to keep the event in October in my mind to motivate me.  It really is a motivation.  I was on again/off again all last week, so don’t think I really made any progress in pounds.  I do think I am making progress in other ways, and long-term, that’s what really counts.
I struggled with headaches all weekend.  It seems like when I stay home for a good reason (this time, the headache), my reclusive tendencies start to kick in and I find it harder and harder to get myself out of the house for anything that is not absolutely necessary.  That’s what happened this weekend, although I had headaches all weekend, so there was that reason too.  I just didn’t feel like getting out.  The muscle relaxants don’t help that situation either, since I feel sleepy all the time.
I will go get a chair massage today and another on Thursday.  We will see if that begins to help.  I am also trying to get a doctor’s appointment scheduled for either Thursday or Friday.  I will go to my “old” doctor, since I can’t get in anywhere else as a new patient until the end of July.  I say anywhere else – at least where I intend to go.  I went to a doctor once or twice a few years ago and she is fairly close to downtown, so I might as well go back to her as my PCP.  But since it has been several years, I am considered a new patient.  I want to get in sooner so I can get on an antidepressant and an anti-inflammatory.
I had a decent eating day yesterday.  I’m not sure it was enough to lose weight on, but it was under better control.  Today I am doing a protein bar day for breakfast and lunch, and then eating a balanced dinner (kind of like Medifast).
I made a salad this weekend and made my own vinaigrette from garlic paste, Dijon mustard, red wine vinegar, salt and pepper and olive oil.  I think that was the best salad I ever had at home.  I put some large shavings of pecorino romano on it and it was soooo good.  So much better than store-bought dressing.  I may never buy store-bought dressing again.  The salad itself was romaine lettuce, some broccoli slaw (chopped broccoli, red cabbage and carrots), and cucumber.  It was crunchy and tasty and the cheese added just the right flavor.  Makes me want some more right now – will have some with my dinner, along with baked tilapia.  I am determined to use all of the fresh veggies I bought with groceries this time and let none of them go to waste, like they often do.
I meant to do more reading this weekend, but when my head hurts, I don’t feel like reading as much.  That’s because it hurts behind my eyes, which is a characteristic of cervicogenic headaches.
I have now had a massage and it helped a lot.  I will tense back up after only one session, but I can tell this is a good course to take.  I don’t know why it takes me so long to remember that.  She said our shoulders are very important parts of our body.  She spends a lot of time pushing my shoulders down and she pulled on my arms a lot.  She said she could see things on my face when she is pulling on my arm.  As she worked on the neck area, it was sooooooo sore.  I knew I was hurting very consistently in the neck and shoulders  My plan is to go twice a week for a while, then once a week, and always  at least every other week to make sure I don’t get back into this state.  She will be on vacation next week, though.  :(
I tend to stick my chin out when I am at my computer.  I think that is because I keep trying to look through the bottom part of my bifocals.  I think that is triggering headaches.

I also was able to get my doctor’s appointment set.  I can go in on Saturday (which helps me a lot!), so I will see her at 11:00 Saturday.  This weekend I was thinking I was needing to go to the doctor to get the antidepressant so it helps me get out of the house more, but I don’t want to get out of the house to go to the doctor!  What a vicious circle.  I really do get that way, too.  Despite all the struggle, I am working on things, at least, and that is good.


I have been at the hospital all morning and they have finally taken Steph back for her exploratory procedure.   We should have some answers soon.  If it is another blockage, they will fix it.

I was reading a blog post yesterday that really hit home, and she referred to another post.  These posts really resonated with me.  I think there is a lot of truth in this and I am going to be thinking back to things that happened in my past that may need to be unburied.  Nothing so traumatic as being raped (although there was an instance of molestation by an older kid when I was a child), but particularly, what may have caused me to want to hide.  I am also starting a book called Hiding from Love that I hope will be a good source of information and healing.

I am quite sore in my neck from the massage yesterday.  Very tender to the tough.  Still having a headache today, but I know it will take a few times before I start feeling better.

I did well on my eating yesterday -- protein bars for breakfast and lunch, an apple in late afternoon, baked tilapia and a salad for dinner and then some popcorn and some Light & Fit Greek yogurt late evening.  I decided since I am sitting around the hospital today, it would be a good day for the same type of eating.  So, I brought protein bars and water with me, they have fruit at the little cafeteria, if I want some, and we will probably eat out tonight if Stephanie is released.  She hasn't been able to eat much lately and is wanting On the Border, so I will have their chicken tortilla soup if we go there.  No chips (or only one or two) or flour tortillas, etc.  I will have some more popcorn at home if I am still hungry, as well as some fruit and/or yogurt.

That's it for now.  I'll post tomorrow about whatever we find out about what is wrong with Steph.  Praying it is not another obstruction, but praying they find some definitive answer at the same time.

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