I think I am ready to talk about my current plan. I may totally fall off the wagon, but I do feel this is what I need to do.
Before the end of this week, I was off one day and on the next. I couldn't seem to stick with anything, as far as eating goes. I am trying something that worked for me years ago. Usually, I would want to take some days to prepare for this, but that doesn't work, oftentimes. So I jumped in last Sunday and started without any buildup to it. I wanted to see how it went for a few days before I posted about it.
When I was 19, I was trying, yet again, to lose some weight. I didn't start out planning to do this, but at some point my goal became to not eat sugar. When I say that, I mean desserts and candy, etc., not "incidental" sugar (there is sugar in almost anything you buy these days). After I had been doing this for a while (maybe 3 weeks or so), I realized my cravings for sugar had all but disappeared and my appetite in general had kind of regulated itself. I stayed off sugar for 3 years. I got down to very small for me -- I weighed 135, which at 5'7" and not small boned, is pretty good. It was a loss of 60-65 pounds. I also began walking a lot during some part of this time period. I walked around our park in our small town, up and around the baseball fields, through a certain neighborhood, around the high school, and back home again. I estimate it was somewhere around 5 miles and I did it most every day. It was kind of a social thing, sometimes, too, since I saw people I knew at the baseball fields. When the weather started getting colder that year (and I also want through a heartbreak in a relationship), I stopped walking so much and gained a little bit back. But I stayed somewhere around 20 pounds or so from my low during that 3-year period I was off sugar (was above that, at times, but never near where I started). I got very practiced at saying no to sweets and I didn't give it a second thought. It was not hard after I broke the addiction. I didn't go into this with any knowledge, this is just what happened.
Right now, if I binge, it is usually going to be on sweets. I might overeat from time to time on other foods, but binges are always on sweets. Sometimes I try to think of what sweet I could eat that would satisfy me. But there is nothing. No matter what it is, if I eat it, I will want more. And more...and more. It is never enough. I have had so much trouble staying on track lately, I started thinking this is what I need to do. So I have not eaten any sweets since Saturday before last. I have done pretty well -- no huge battles -- but I am not naïve enough to think there won't be any.
Since I decided to do this, I feel like I have gotten some "confirmation" that this is what I should do. I started following a new blog, and ran across this post. It is very long, but it kind of reinforced what I had been thinking. I am not planning to do her detox plan, unless I start having problems. So far, I am doing pretty well. The other confirmation was an e-mail with this article. This is the author of a book I read a while back, The Blood Sugar Solution, so it is not a surprising that he says this, but I have not been checking these e-mails for months, and my eyes just happened to fall on this one.
So this is my plan, and I have 8 days under my belt. I am doing a little better overall on my eating. I am sure my battle is not over, but in a few weeks, I should be through the worst of it and I hope my appetite will regulate itself. I cannot think about that I will never eat sweets again; I just have to think I will not eat them today. But to have any long-term success, which is the whole goal, I think this is my best chance for success. And I do not want to lose this weight and then gain it all back again. I have to change my lifestyle.
I saw this post from Joyce Meyer (a well-know minister who went through a childhood of abuse and whom I identify with a lot): Don't expect your life to change if you are not willing to change the way you live.--Joyce Meyer. This is so where I am right now. I do want my life to change, so I am working on changing the way I live. And this getting free from sugar addiction is a big one. I think it will make a huge difference.
Incidentally, I started eating sugar again when a friend convinced me to try some of her Christmas goodies she had made using honey. I knew better. It wasn't long until I was eating one thing, then another, then another, and pretty soon I was addicted again. I know better, but I let her talk me into it. She was feeling sorry for me because it was Christmas-time and I "couldn't" eat any goodies. It wasn't bothering me. I know one Christmas week during this 3-year period I lost 4 pounds. That was so much better than stuffing myself on all those Christmas goodies. People who do not have this problem do not understand that sugar addiction is just as real as any other addiction. You wouldn't try to convince an alcoholic to drink just one drink, saying one drink won't hurt you. An addict knows that one drink is all it takes. And that is the way I am with sugar.
So, that is the plan. This is not all I will have to do, by any means, but I hope it will greatly reduce the crashing and burning I have been repeating over and over lately. Already, I feel a little better in control. I hope to get to the place in the next few weeks where saying no is my immediate response and I don't think any more about it. I chose life, health, wholeness, sanity, etc. over being controlled by food.