Search This Blog

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Little Steps

When I am not doing well, I tend to avoid things.  Like the scale.  But I decided to get on it yesterday and face the music.  I've gained around 5 pounds.  I think that will come off fairly easily if I stay on track.  It seems to take a while for it to really "solidify."

During this time of depression and sluggish motivation, sometimes things I need to do are just more than I can face.  It sounds strange, unless you have been there.  For instance, Cas needs a good, long walk.  He NEEDS it.  But that seems to be more than I can face right now.  But a walk down the street to the little park, and walking around it a bit, I can face.  So that is what I am about to do.  Many times I will have the thought,  "I'm going to have to do it sometime, so it might as well be now" -- especially during the Summer when temperatures are milder in the morning, but later would be a whole different story.  Sometimes after I get started, I can do more.  We will see about that.  No pressure.  But I am at least going to take him for a short walk, and then the dog park later -- where he has a chance to burn off some more energy.  For me, small bites is all I can handle right now.  At least mentally.

I made the effort to fix myself a real breakfast this morning.  I had protein waffles with blueberry topping (a la Lori).  It was so much more satisfying than what I have been eating because I just grabbed what was convenient, or what I thought I craved, like a package of powdered sugar doughnuts.  Little steps.  I have some things in my fridge I need to use.  Like some ricotta cheese.  I think I am going to make some stuffed pasta shells -- a light recipe I have in my collection.  It uses skim milk ricotta, ground turkey, spinach and a tomato sauce with a little kick.  It is yummy and it will clear some things out of my pantry.  I've been needing to do that -- I brought too much stuff with me when I moved and it is taking up more room that I really have.

Now, I'm going to go take that walk.  Cas is restless, to put it mildly.

I am back from my walk, and guess what?  I did do a longer walk.  I have lived and worked in Dallas for 20 years now.  I see tourists all the time downtown, visiting various attractions, and I have never visited them myself.  I think of it as home and where I work, not a tourist place.  But one place I see tourists is at Pioneer Plaza, which is actually just a few blocks from my loft.  So I kept going from the small park I first went to and saw it for the first time.

Pioneer Plaza
It was interesting and enjoyable.  I did not spend a lot of time looking at everything, but I will go again.  Cas was a little wary when we were walking (climbing, actually) past the big sculptures.  He stayed on the other side of me and watched them suspiciously (lol).  I walked past the Pioneer Plaza Cemetery (which has a Confederate War Memorial), but did not look.  I will do that another time (I really didn't know what it was other than an old cemetery).  I walked on down Young Street past the Dallas Police Memorial -- another place I need to spend some more time.  Also in Downtown is the JFK Memorial (in another direction), which I will visit.  I came back up Akard Street, through AT&T Plaza, which has a beautiful view of the Adolphus Hotel (you must stay there sometime -- it is absolutely beautiful, inside and out) (photographer I am not!).  It has a lovely park with flowers and trees and fountains.  A little oasis in the city.  I enjoyed looking at all the lovely old buildings, a lot of them around 100 years old now.

I estimate I probably walked a mile.  I walked back in to my loft to the smell of the protein waffles I had made earlier.  I added a little coconut extract -- delicious!  It smelled wonderful.

I have decided to use the money my boss gave me for my birthday (and the other I had saved) to get a new laptop.  This desktop is so slow and Cas goes nuts almost every time I sit down at the desk.  Plus, I like to read blogs while I am sitting and relaxing in the evening and it is hard to fully relax sitting at the desk.  So I am going to look for one when I go out later.

I am giving some thought to my withdrawal.  Don't get me wrong, I am still in withdrawal mode.  However, there are times I still need the medication.  For instance, yesterday I got one of those extremely bad headaches that comes from doing the wrong thing with my neck (since my neck surgery).  I fought it all day, including the whole time I sat in the hospital waiting room waiting for Steph's test to be completed (no results yet).  I was pretty miserable.  When it came time to take my evening dose, I took a whole one instead of a half.  That almost knocked it out, but never did.  It takes a lot to make those things go away.  And that is consistent with some things I have read from people who had the same surgery I did.  I still have the headache today, although I am able to relax and get away from it that way because I am not at work.  The headaches seem to do better if I will just knock them out.  As far as my withdrawal, I am feeling better in one way.  I am not having all the hot flashes I was when taking the medication.  The material I read seems to indicate the hot flashes are from withdrawal, but I seem to have them when I am taking the medicine (and know someone else who is the same way).  I like that I am not having this all the time.  I want to get off the medicine as far as taking it on a daily basis.  But I do want to have it when I really need it for pain.  Since I am not emotionally addicted, I think this is okay.  I want to get away from taking it on a daily basis, but I want to be able to take it when nothing else helps the pain.  And I think that is okay.  So that is my plan -- to get where I don't take it except every once in a while when I am having a bad pain issue.  I think my doctor will be fine with that too.  These headaches (the really bad ones) are very difficult to cope with.  I need to keep working on mechanics -- meaning paying attention to what sets them off and try not to do that, but when I do get one that will not go away with normal remedies, I want to be able to get rid of it.  Also, if I have a flare-up with my lower back and radiating pain, I want to be able to deal with it.  So my goal is to get away from daily use (which was needed for the period of time before I lost weight), but to have it when I need it for significant pain.  Thoughts?

I got my new laptop.  I'm going to have to learn Windows 8.

I bought groceries this afternoon, and after that, and bringing them all in (which is a pain, living in this loft), I was done in.  I realized that is vulnerable time for me, so I need to plan for it.  I think eating out on grocery day is probably necessary, since by the time I get it all I hope, I am too tired for cooking a lot of the time.

Pain issues have flared up this afternoon.  My back seems a little flared up and I am having fibromyalgia pain, as well as the ever-present headache.  It seems never-ending sometimes.  I got kind of snacky when  I got home.  Like I said, I need to plan to eat out on grocery shopping day.  All of the above issues make me want to eat -- tired, hungry and in pain.  Not a good combination.  And I am not very good at buying groceries for one person.

I need to rest up tonight.  Church and a Rangers game tomorrow will make a tiring day.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I welcome your comments and read every one! However, if you are trying to sell me or my readers something, your comment will be deleted posthaste. Thanks for reading my blog and I hope you receive encouragement from it. --Sheryl