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Saturday, June 15, 2013

Little Steps

When I am not doing well, I tend to avoid things.  Like the scale.  But I decided to get on it yesterday and face the music.  I've gained around 5 pounds.  I think that will come off fairly easily if I stay on track.  It seems to take a while for it to really "solidify."

During this time of depression and sluggish motivation, sometimes things I need to do are just more than I can face.  It sounds strange, unless you have been there.  For instance, Cas needs a good, long walk.  He NEEDS it.  But that seems to be more than I can face right now.  But a walk down the street to the little park, and walking around it a bit, I can face.  So that is what I am about to do.  Many times I will have the thought,  "I'm going to have to do it sometime, so it might as well be now" -- especially during the Summer when temperatures are milder in the morning, but later would be a whole different story.  Sometimes after I get started, I can do more.  We will see about that.  No pressure.  But I am at least going to take him for a short walk, and then the dog park later -- where he has a chance to burn off some more energy.  For me, small bites is all I can handle right now.  At least mentally.

I made the effort to fix myself a real breakfast this morning.  I had protein waffles with blueberry topping (a la Lori).  It was so much more satisfying than what I have been eating because I just grabbed what was convenient, or what I thought I craved, like a package of powdered sugar doughnuts.  Little steps.  I have some things in my fridge I need to use.  Like some ricotta cheese.  I think I am going to make some stuffed pasta shells -- a light recipe I have in my collection.  It uses skim milk ricotta, ground turkey, spinach and a tomato sauce with a little kick.  It is yummy and it will clear some things out of my pantry.  I've been needing to do that -- I brought too much stuff with me when I moved and it is taking up more room that I really have.

Now, I'm going to go take that walk.  Cas is restless, to put it mildly.

I am back from my walk, and guess what?  I did do a longer walk.  I have lived and worked in Dallas for 20 years now.  I see tourists all the time downtown, visiting various attractions, and I have never visited them myself.  I think of it as home and where I work, not a tourist place.  But one place I see tourists is at Pioneer Plaza, which is actually just a few blocks from my loft.  So I kept going from the small park I first went to and saw it for the first time.

Pioneer Plaza
It was interesting and enjoyable.  I did not spend a lot of time looking at everything, but I will go again.  Cas was a little wary when we were walking (climbing, actually) past the big sculptures.  He stayed on the other side of me and watched them suspiciously (lol).  I walked past the Pioneer Plaza Cemetery (which has a Confederate War Memorial), but did not look.  I will do that another time (I really didn't know what it was other than an old cemetery).  I walked on down Young Street past the Dallas Police Memorial -- another place I need to spend some more time.  Also in Downtown is the JFK Memorial (in another direction), which I will visit.  I came back up Akard Street, through AT&T Plaza, which has a beautiful view of the Adolphus Hotel (you must stay there sometime -- it is absolutely beautiful, inside and out) (photographer I am not!).  It has a lovely park with flowers and trees and fountains.  A little oasis in the city.  I enjoyed looking at all the lovely old buildings, a lot of them around 100 years old now.


I estimate I probably walked a mile.  I walked back in to my loft to the smell of the protein waffles I had made earlier.  I added a little coconut extract -- delicious!  It smelled wonderful.

I have decided to use the money my boss gave me for my birthday (and the other I had saved) to get a new laptop.  This desktop is so slow and Cas goes nuts almost every time I sit down at the desk.  Plus, I like to read blogs while I am sitting and relaxing in the evening and it is hard to fully relax sitting at the desk.  So I am going to look for one when I go out later.

I am giving some thought to my withdrawal.  Don't get me wrong, I am still in withdrawal mode.  However, there are times I still need the medication.  For instance, yesterday I got one of those extremely bad headaches that comes from doing the wrong thing with my neck (since my neck surgery).  I fought it all day, including the whole time I sat in the hospital waiting room waiting for Steph's test to be completed (no results yet).  I was pretty miserable.  When it came time to take my evening dose, I took a whole one instead of a half.  That almost knocked it out, but never did.  It takes a lot to make those things go away.  And that is consistent with some things I have read from people who had the same surgery I did.  I still have the headache today, although I am able to relax and get away from it that way because I am not at work.  The headaches seem to do better if I will just knock them out.  As far as my withdrawal, I am feeling better in one way.  I am not having all the hot flashes I was when taking the medication.  The material I read seems to indicate the hot flashes are from withdrawal, but I seem to have them when I am taking the medicine (and know someone else who is the same way).  I like that I am not having this all the time.  I want to get off the medicine as far as taking it on a daily basis.  But I do want to have it when I really need it for pain.  Since I am not emotionally addicted, I think this is okay.  I want to get away from taking it on a daily basis, but I want to be able to take it when nothing else helps the pain.  And I think that is okay.  So that is my plan -- to get where I don't take it except every once in a while when I am having a bad pain issue.  I think my doctor will be fine with that too.  These headaches (the really bad ones) are very difficult to cope with.  I need to keep working on mechanics -- meaning paying attention to what sets them off and try not to do that, but when I do get one that will not go away with normal remedies, I want to be able to get rid of it.  Also, if I have a flare-up with my lower back and radiating pain, I want to be able to deal with it.  So my goal is to get away from daily use (which was needed for the period of time before I lost weight), but to have it when I need it for significant pain.  Thoughts?

I got my new laptop.  I'm going to have to learn Windows 8.

I bought groceries this afternoon, and after that, and bringing them all in (which is a pain, living in this loft), I was done in.  I realized that is vulnerable time for me, so I need to plan for it.  I think eating out on grocery day is probably necessary, since by the time I get it all I hope, I am too tired for cooking a lot of the time.

Pain issues have flared up this afternoon.  My back seems a little flared up and I am having fibromyalgia pain, as well as the ever-present headache.  It seems never-ending sometimes.  I got kind of snacky when  I got home.  Like I said, I need to plan to eat out on grocery shopping day.  All of the above issues make me want to eat -- tired, hungry and in pain.  Not a good combination.  And I am not very good at buying groceries for one person.

I need to rest up tonight.  Church and a Rangers game tomorrow will make a tiring day.

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