Struggle, struggle. I ended up eating some Pop Chips last night. I just can’t seem to overcome my “snackiness” lately. I guess I won’t keep anything like that in the house for now. Just hope I can keep myself from going to CVS (a few feet from my front door) and getting something there. Or maybe I could implement some kind of strategy that leaves me more points at the end of the day, which is when I am the weakest. At least eating Pop Chips was better than eating a bunch of sweets or a fattier snack. Maybe if I did some kind of workout in the evening, that would help. But I have to make myself do that too. Darn, I hate feeling like this.
I am doing protein bars for breakfast and lunch today. I will be eating out tonight, so I want to have
more points available this evening. I am going to a Barry Manilow concert with a friend. She was
originally going with her sister, but her sister can’t make it, so she invited me. It should be fun!
I have a busier weekend planned than I normally like. I need to get new tires on my car, and I am
having to drive a ways to my doctor’s appointment tomorrow, so I want to get the new tires before my appointment at 11:00. I don’t want to take any chance of having a flat on my way. One or two of my tires look pretty bad. My son was using my car for about a year, so I wasn’t paying attention to that kind of thing. I also need to get my oil changed. Then there is grocery shopping and cleaning, and church on Sunday. I also need to take Cas to the dog park for some much-needed exercise. I should either walk or ride my bike there to give him a chance to really work off some pent-up energy. I need to do this sometime in the morning or the evening, not mid-day when it is the hottest.
I need to take my bike to a bike shop. My chain is loose and comes off too easily. Someone said the
wheel just needs moving back. The wire that controls the gears is also too tight, so I am not able to use all my gears.
I need to stop being “afraid” to spend too much time away from home. Home feels like the “safe” place to be, but I don’t think it is always the best place for me – or at least being alone at home is not the best thing for me. It probably contributes to my depression. I have always felt that if I am not home enough, I don’t feel rested. Getting out and doing things can be resting (since it is time away from my job) too. But I always feel a little crazy if I am not home “enough.” What enough is, I don’t know. I need to get over it. This is a big thing for me to face and get over. It has controlled me too much in my lifetime. Of course, that is part of the reason for the doctor’s appointment and part of the reason I want to be on an antidepressant for a while – to get some help with the anxiety while I am trying to forge new habits and thought patterns. Please tell me it can be done. Spending the rest of my life in front of the television doesn’t sound too satisfying.
I think I have done well enough this week to at least not have gained any weight, or maybe even to have eked out a tiny loss, but that is not going to get me where I want to be when October 5 gets here. I really hope the antidepressant helps. I am going to give myself a pep talk and purpose to get up and do some kind of workout Monday morning, no matter what. That means getting out of bed on time. It’s hard while taking these muscle relaxants, but I can do it if I want it bad enough. Someone told me yesterday it looked like I was losing weight, but I didn’t believe her. It’s always nice to hear, though. But it's time to buckle down and get serious.
I think it might be a good plan to try to limit my TV watching. Even if I am home alone, I need to do
something else. Of course, there is the cleaning, and I can do some reading. I need to do things that
make me feel more productive and, therefore, more satisfied, even if they are not very active things
(yet). I want to get to the place where there are a lot more active things in my schedule. With the heat
of the Texas summers, it is hard to motivate myself for much that is outdoors, at least during the day. But it is not so bad in the evening. And I could use the pool some during the day, if I take care not to get burned.
I’m doing better today on drinking my water. That is probably one of the keys to improving my appetite problems.
On the headache front, I am cautiously saying it is a little better today. I do have a headache, but it is not quite as incessant as it has been.
I’m going to give a mini report on what I have been trying to do this week. My goal has been to not eat sweets, meaning desserts, candy, etc. I have not had any sweets Sunday through now. I will go into more detail about that plan if I keep this up. I’m so flaky right now, I don’t want to do that.
I'm home from the concert. It was awesome!! I thoroughly enjoyed it. The music brought back so many memories. I'm going to have download some of it.
For dinner we went to a Mexican food restaurant. I had about 3 chips with some hot sauce. My entrée was fish tacos. There were two of them with corn tortillas, grilled tilapia, a cream sauce and some cole slaw. Instead of rice and beans, I got their veggies, which seemed to be just steam carrots, cauliflower, squash and broccoli. It was pretty bland. I mixed it with the cole slaw I didn't eat on my tacos. I tried to be very generous when figuring points. I had 23 points left before dinner. I counted it as 16 points for the meal (I broke each component down separately). When I got home I had a little popcorn with very little salt. My eating was under much better control today. I am going to try to start building some momentum.
Busy day tomorrow, so I'm going to close. Have a great weekend!