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Thursday, May 16, 2013

Texas Storms


I am still thinking today about how I don’t feel like I look as good as I did before when I actually weighed a little more than I do now.  I am wearing an outfit that I haven’t worn in about 3 weeks and I definitely see it fitting looser.  But I don’t feel it.  I guess that’s pretty common.  I expect that people who haven’t seen me for a while will notice more of a difference.  I will be glad when I get 10 or 15 more pounds down the road.  As I have said before, getting under 250 is when I really feel like I am beginning to make progress, since I haven’t gotten down this low in a long, long time.

I am planning to go to choir practice at the downtown church tonight.  I will at least check it out and see if it feels like a fit.  At church on Sunday (which was at my old church, since I went with my daughters), our pastor’s wife gave the message (since it was Mother’s Day).  She talked about going through a time when she felt like she lost her “voice.”  She had dreams and goals and they seemed to get swallowed up when she married her husband.  After years of struggling with that, she began to find her voice again and is being used in ways she never thought possible, alongside her husband.  She talked about how different things in our lives can cause us to lose our voice (meaning literally, or our realm of influence, our dreams, etc.), such as hurts and abuse, trauma, etc.  I think that is definitely true with me.  And for me, voice is not only figurative, but literal too.  I have always been a singer.  I have a solo singing voice, and used to sing in churches and for special occasions all the time.  I have sung on TV, even.  I was singing in a “gospel” music group when I got married.  My husband had his own dreams and ambitions, and it seems like who I was and what I was doing got swallowed up pretty quickly.  Then I went through raising kids and all that was required of me then.  Then my marriage got very rocky, and I lost my heart for singing, at times.  I got very beaten down in my marriage, from verbal and emotional abuse.  Then my marriage broke up and life was all about making a living (really was before my divorce, too), so there was no time (or heart) to pursue that much.  I did sing in some community choirs, including the Dallas Symphony Chorus, during one year.  Then I had the neck surgery, which messed with my voice for a while (still does, to a degree, but it is getting better).  So what had been a big part of who I was seems lost.  Most people now don’t even know I can sing.  And it seems like there is a part of me that can only be expressed through my singing.  Like it opens up a river of expression that is not released any other way.  So, that message meant a lot to me.  I think I need to start singing again.  I think this choir may be a better fit for me, too, since I have a more traditional sounding voice (at least, that is where I excel).  I can sing other styles, to a degree, but that is where I do best.  (Maybe if I work on the other styles, I could get better at those, but I haven’t had time to pursue it in the last few years.)

John has been encouraging me to join the choir.  He thinks it will be a very good fit for me, both for the purpose of using my voice again and to make friends.  So I am going to try it.  I really had not planned on doing it quite yet, but if I don’t feel ready after going once, I can wait after tonight.  I don’t need to let him push me into what I am not ready for.  But, he may be completely right and this may be just the thing I need.

After writing the above, I went to lunch.  I walked Cas and coming back, I stumbled on the steps going from the parking garage into my building, and cracked my knee and kind of strained my back.  I decided since my boss was gone for the day, I would stay home and not try to walk back to work.  I had a project I could work on at home.  I didn’t end up working on it much, because sitting there in my chair, after taking medicine for pain/muscle relaxant, I got sleepy.

By evening I was feeling some better and I thought it would probably do me some good to get up and move a bit so I wouldn’t get as stiff.  So I went on to choir practice.  I walked there.

I really enjoyed choir practice.  I think it will be a good fit for me.  The people were friendly and I know I can make some friends there.  My voice got tired, because it is out of shape, and I tend to get hoarse after singing for a while.  But that is much better than it used to be and I think will keep getting better.  Plus, as I use my voice more, the muscles and vocal chords will get back into better shape.  I have a very high voice and I noticed that my voice gets much more tired in my lower range.  In my really high range, the tone is projected above where the problem in my throat is and it feels free and clear.  That is good to know.  Anyway, I really enjoyed it.

As you may have heard, we had some big storms in the Dallas area last night.  I really did not know it was going on until, at the end of choir practice, they told us extremely severe weather was coming and we should probably hurry on home.  But if you lived in certain areas, you might want to wait a bit.  It was pouring outside with lots of thunder and lightning.  John, who plays the bass guitar, was playing at church last night, and so took me home.  It was a good thing, because I would have had to bum a ride with someone.  I had an umbrella, but no way I could walk home in that.  There was supposed to be a little fellowship time after choir, but they postponed that because of the storm.

The worst of the storm hit in a little town southwest of Dallas called Granbury.  My sister moved to Granbury last August.  Fortunately, before I fully knew what was going on, I heard that she was okay.  At least 6 people in Granbury were killed last night, and last I heard, 14 were “unaccounted for.”  They may have been found by now.  One subdivision was completely devastated.  As it turns out, that area is where my sister and her husband were looking to buy a house (they are still living in an apartment, since she moved there at the beginning of the school year last year and he had to stay where they were to close down his law practice, etc.).  He lives there now, but they are still trying to get their house sold, etc.  I’m kind of glad for the delay now (bet they are too!).  Made for an exciting evening.

So, this week I am doing circles around my goal to get out and be with other people at least once a week.  It has been fun, but I am tired.  At least I got a little rest yesterday afternoon.  I am supposed to go to the Rangers game with the singles group tomorrow night, but I don’t know anyone yet, so I’m trying to decide whether to go.  I would know some people by the end of the night, I guess.  If I can push past my shyness, this will be a fast way to meet people.  There is only so much visiting you can do at a Sunday school class.

Just heard from my sister.  They are having school today – probably because a lot of kids need somewhere to go besides just a shelter.  But they are being encouraged not to lay much academic stress on the kids for a few days.

I’m going to get this posted and get to work. I go to the doctor this afternoon to get injections in my knees.  Good timing, what with my stumble yesterday.

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