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Thursday, May 30, 2013

Reclusive Behavior

I haven't meant to go this many days without posting, but I am missing my laptop.  Every time I sit down at my desktop, Cas whines the whole time I am on the computer.  Work has been so busy since I got back, I haven't had time to do a post from there.

Anyway, I lost 1.2 pounds last week.  That was good.  But I kind of crashed and burned after that.  I didn't do well at all with my eating on my days off and I was very reclusive.  I did get some cleaning done, but the list I got through the most of was my list of DVR recordings.  :p

I am trying to pull it back together with protein bars again.  I have to stop doing this, but I can't seem to make myself right now.

One realization I came to today -- I tend to hide when I am not living up to some standard I have set for myself.  I don't feel good about myself, so I hide.  I don't answer my phone, I don't want to leave my house, etc., etc.  Since I didn't have to go to work, I didn't make myself get out to do much of anything else.

I need to work on this from 2 angles.  I need to do things that make me feel good about myself -- working out always helps with that.  Plus, I need to learn how to cut myself some slack.

I have about decided I am going to ask my doctor to put me on an antidepressant for a few months while I am working through these things.  This is a big time of transition for me, since I finally have an empty nest.  I don't have anyone else I am having to "do" for and I am getting kind of lonely, but then the above behavior gets in the way.  Antidepressants help me in that I cope better with things and I am not so hard on myself -- my self-talk is much better.  So I may use it for a few months while I actively work on behaviors.  Once I get going and they are not so difficult for me, I don't think I will need it.  Now I just have to find time to go to the doctor -- and make myself get out of the house to do it.

I am going to make a list each week of one thing from three categories to work on.  (1) exercise, (2) socialization, (3) improving household habits.  I need to stop expecting myself to be able to do it all at once.  These are big changes for me.  So I need to work on smaller steps.

That's all for now.  I hope I can at least squeak out a small loss this week (or at least avoid a gain).

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