I haven't meant to go this many days without posting, but I am missing my laptop. Every time I sit down at my desktop, Cas whines the whole time I am on the computer. Work has been so busy since I got back, I haven't had time to do a post from there.
Anyway, I lost 1.2 pounds last week. That was good. But I kind of crashed and burned after that. I didn't do well at all with my eating on my days off and I was very reclusive. I did get some cleaning done, but the list I got through the most of was my list of DVR recordings. :p
I am trying to pull it back together with protein bars again. I have to stop doing this, but I can't seem to make myself right now.
One realization I came to today -- I tend to hide when I am not living up to some standard I have set for myself. I don't feel good about myself, so I hide. I don't answer my phone, I don't want to leave my house, etc., etc. Since I didn't have to go to work, I didn't make myself get out to do much of anything else.
I need to work on this from 2 angles. I need to do things that make me feel good about myself -- working out always helps with that. Plus, I need to learn how to cut myself some slack.
I have about decided I am going to ask my doctor to put me on an antidepressant for a few months while I am working through these things. This is a big time of transition for me, since I finally have an empty nest. I don't have anyone else I am having to "do" for and I am getting kind of lonely, but then the above behavior gets in the way. Antidepressants help me in that I cope better with things and I am not so hard on myself -- my self-talk is much better. So I may use it for a few months while I actively work on behaviors. Once I get going and they are not so difficult for me, I don't think I will need it. Now I just have to find time to go to the doctor -- and make myself get out of the house to do it.
I am going to make a list each week of one thing from three categories to work on. (1) exercise, (2) socialization, (3) improving household habits. I need to stop expecting myself to be able to do it all at once. These are big changes for me. So I need to work on smaller steps.
That's all for now. I hope I can at least squeak out a small loss this week (or at least avoid a gain).