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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Little By Little

I stayed home again today.  I don’t know if it was the medication or what, but I felt nauseous and still didn’t feel up to par.  I slept pretty much all day again today.  It’s my opinion that unless you are taking something to make you sleep, if you can sleep that much, you probably need it.

I’ve done fine on my eating yesterday and today.  For breakfast today I had Banana Custard Oats with some toasted coconut again.  I slept all morning.  For lunch I had some beef vegetable stew (just didn’t feel like fixing anything today) and a serving of FSTG sweet potato chips and some fresh pineapple.

During the afternoon I had some Greek yogurt and a tangelo.  Later I had an apple.  My daughter dropped by and brought me Chipotle for dinner.  I had 2 tacos, one steak and one chicken, with fajita veggies, lettuce and pico, plus a tablespoon of guacamole on each.  I also had a half-serving of black beans.  I had 8 points left after that.  One thing I had was popcorn (4 points).  Over the weekend I bought a package of the single serving Blue Bell ice creams (a 12-pack).  I was interested to see how I would do with having that around.  I just knew that if I go buy a pint at CVS, I am going to eat the whole pint.  If I buy a regular-sized carton, I am likely to eat a bigger serving than I should.  I wanted to see how I would do with this.  One ½-cup serving (a container) has 4 points.  I did not eat any Monday or Tuesday.  Tonight I had the points available and I ate 1.  My conclusion is this – if I am in the mode where I want to stay on track, I am not going to overeat on it.  If I am not in the mode, then it is just as easy for me to go next door to CVS and get a pint of it.  I like being able to work a small serving of it in every few days.  Sometimes it is not worth 4 points to me.  I want more bulk than that.  But tonight, I felt full enough that it was worth 4 points to me.  So I am okay having it around.

There were thunderstorms all day, so I didn’t walk Cas.  I did do the recumbent bike this morning.  Again, I had not decided I needed to stay home yet.  I already had my makeup on, etc. before I decided I needed another day at home.  I didn’t feel up to doing a second one this evening.  But I have 4 workouts so far this week, which is better than last week by a long shot.  I just don’t know if it is going to be enough after messing up Sunday.  But it’s lifestyle I am working for and there are going to be days I don’t stay on track.  I really am tempted to do a week of Medifast to break things loose, but I am going to give it another week, working on getting more and more active.  It will break loose eventually.

I’m watching an episode of Hoarding.  It’s a real eye opener.  Always makes me want to get up and clean house.  I am nowhere close to being a hoarder, but there is always this fear there is a tiny bit of that in me and I don’t want to go there, lol.  The loft is coming along.  I’m trying to get on a maintenance schedule (now that I am not working so many hours) so it is ready for company at any given time.  At least what I do now is mostly staying done (except the pets make a little mess).  Sometimes I would like to get a smaller bed (mine is a queen) so I have more room in my bedroom.  It makes it harder to make the bed, since it is pushed up in a corner.  I would like to get a new bedspread.  My comforter is too big to wash in my washer, and who wants to go to a Laundromat for 2 hours to wash it and dry it?  Maybe I can find a cleaners that does laundry like that.  I will check.

I was reading Lori’s blog again today.  I want to get to where I can bike long distances (like she does).  I think I am going to make at least one of my workouts each week a distance ride (on the recumbent bike, usually), but on my actual bike when I can.  Just get on it while watching a favorite TV program, with a fairly low resistance (3 or 4) and ride as long as I can and see how many miles I can do.  Other days I am trying to push the intensity a little by either doing intervals or hills or doing arm work at the same time.  If the weather is good, I am going to take my bike to Katy Trail this weekend and take a longish ride (5 miles would be long for me right now).  I will run Cas as far as he can and then put him up in the basket.  Or maybe just go by myself.  But he really needs some running.

I had written a paragraph that I took out about another thought process I am struggling with, but I felt a little neurotic, so took it out.  Sometimes just typing it out helps, even if I delete it.  It had to do with certain fears I have when pondering dating again and beginning a new relationship at some point.  I just want to make sure I have proper boundaries so that I do not make the same mistakes again that I did during my marriage (and in choosing a partner).  I would like to think I have grown to the point where I would not do that again, but I know I have to be on my guard.  I am too apt to adapt myself to my perception of other people’s expectations.  I don’t want to do that in an unhealthy way anymore.

I think the big thing with all the things I am talking about is I just need to keep making a little progress each week.  I am not going to change overnight.  But I want to be proactive about making changes, little by little.

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