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Monday, March 11, 2013

One More Successful Day On the Books

I got up feeling pretty good this morning, although a little draggy.  I gave myself a few minutes to wake up, and ate a couple of baby carrots so I would have something in my stomach before taking something for a headache, which I woke up with.  My back was achy too, although nothing extreme.  I headed out pretty quickly for Cas’ first walk, mindful that a couple of days ago, the time I was walking out the door was 5:00 a.m.  Cas was his usual spirited self during the walk.

I got back home and changed clothes for a workout on my recumbent bike.  It was 37 degrees outside, so wearing the same clothes for the bike workout would have made me too hot.  (I’m going to have to get me some new workout shorts – the ones I have are falling off of me, literally.)  I did the beginner’s hills workout, although I had to tone down the resistance on the toughest part of the workout.  I was too empty for that intensity.

I forgot to mention yesterday that I began to have some radiating pain over the weekend.  Nothing like it used to be, but I haven’t had any for several weeks.  My back felt a little twinge-y too.  I had some pain shooting to my right knee when I went to bed last night, which kept me awake a little bit.  So I guess I am not totally out of the woods yet.  I don’t know of anything I did this weekend that should have caused it, other than sitting on the couch and twisting a bit to watch television instead of facing it with my whole body facing forward.  That twisting is usually a mistake.  Hopefully it will settle back down again and not get any worse.

I was hoping to get to go to lunch today, but it wasn’t looking good since my boss was there.  However, he took his associates for a working lunch, so I was able to slip out.  I need to keep Cas walked as much as possible.  At least I have more daylight after work now, if I get off on time.  I stayed gone just long enough to walk Cas on our usual lunchtime route, and then hurried back to the office.

Today was a busy, busy day.  Jerry gives me “twenty things” to do, and before I get really going on them, calls me back and gives me “ten more”.  I am exaggerating, but you get the picture.  That man can load you down quicker than anybody I know.  I felt like I was swimming against the current, but finally caught up at least a bit.

I have been so busy today, eating hasn’t been a problem.  I finally went to lunch after 1:00 and walked Cas before drinking down my shake.  So I didn’t have my afternoon snack until 4:00 or so.  That makes it easier to handle the evening because I am not so hungry when I get home that I don’t feel like I am out of control.  I don’t know if I have to work late, but Jerry is moving things along like he is planning to get out of here soon.  But I could be wrong.  I did not bring anything with me for dinner, although I have something (at least the protein part) cooked at home.  I need to make something to put in the freezer up here, because there is sure to be at least one night when I will have to stay and I will be hungry.  As it turned out, Jerry did leave and I got out of the office by 6:15.

I am liking Daylight Savings Time so far.  When I get off on time, I have time to walk Cas a third time, which is good for both of us.  I got home and put me some broccoli in the oven to roast and then took him for another short walk.  So 3 walks and 1 recumbent bike workout today.

I dreamed about my ex last night.  It seemed like a vivid dream during the night, but I can’t exactly recall what it was now and I don’t want to give it so much concentrated thought to remember it.  But snatches of it are coming to my mind during the day.  I don’t like that.  However, it is making me feel determined that the next time I see him, I won’t look much at all like the woman he remembers.  I want to not only be slimmer, but I want to have an athletic look.  I think his current wife is very health conscious (I know she is quite thin).  I was sitting in the bathtub this morning thinking about that whole situation and all I could do is say, “Thank you, Lord, that you set me free from that man.”  There was so much crazy stuff involved with him and I am so very thankful to be away from it.  I suffered a lot of verbal and emotional abuse and I want every trace of that wounded person gone – or every bit of that hurt and shame used to shape me into the strong and confident woman I am becoming today.  I think the true sign of being totally healed is that I won’t care what he thinks when I see him.  But right now I just want him to see the difference in what I was like with him and what I am like without him.  Because inside, there is a HUGE difference.

My friend at work and I were talking about how much of our conversation about our lives is about what we will do “after this trial is over.”  It seems like my personal life, to a degree, is on hold until then.  I am okay with that.  This case is a satisfying case because we are working to recover money retired people lost in a Ponzi scheme.  To help them recover as much of their lost investment as possible is our goal.  So we feel good about what we are doing.  We genuinely care for these folks and are not just in this for the attorneys’ fees.

At least this part of my personal life – working on getting healthy – doesn’t have to be on hold.  And when the trial is over and I have more time to enjoy myself, I will feel so much better than I would have if I hadn’t been working so hard on this.  If when I transition to WW, things are so hectic that I don’t do well because I don’t have time to plan, I will do some kind of program that does not require much planning until I get through these two months before the trial.  The good thing about Medifast is I don’t have to give much thought about what I am going to eat each day.  And I am busy enough most of the time where I don’t have much time to think about what I am “missing” by being on this restrictive diet.

I’m very sleepy tonight.  My eyes have been red and stinging all day, which always makes me sleepy because I just want to close my eyes.  I don’t know why they are like this.  I will probably get to bed early tonight.  So, I’m going to finish up what I have to do and do that.  One more successful day on the books.

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