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Sunday, March 31, 2013

My Weekend

Saturday

This Saturday is different than the ones when I was on Medifast.  I felt freer to eat a lot of what I wanted before, but now, I know I really can’t do that.  For the most part, I need to keep following the weekly plan with some additions here and there, using my weekly points.  I don’t think I need to do too much extra in one day.  Maybe spread it over both days of the weekend and save a few in case I need them during the week.  It’s about lifestyle now.
Breakfast this morning was 2 slices of reduced calorie bread and 2 tablespoons of peanut butter, for 7 points.  I need to go to the store, so that’s all I’ve eaten so far.

There are indications that I may be getting my life back sooner than later.  That’s all I can say.  I am having to get my mind around this, but it really is a good thing, if it happens.  I just wasn’t expecting it yet.  Time to brush up my profile on a dating website?  Maybe.  Definitely will be time to pursue friendships more if it actually happens.
I really need to go to the grocery store.  All I have left, as far as fruit is concerned, is some not-very-good apples.  I went to CVS and spent way too much on a fruit cup of grapes and pineapple.  It was nice to have something different.  I am so ready for summer fruit!

Later
Went to the store, so now have food in the house.  My eating today has been different.  I never really ate a formal evening meal, but spent way too much time eating this and that.  None of it was high points value, but it all added up.  However, I tracked everything and still have 18 weekly points left.  I don’t like the way I did this.  I would rather use my weekly points on something I don’t have just every day, so will need to plan better next weekend.  I just wasn’t in the mood to cook.  I ate too many carbs (mostly crackers, but tracked every one).

I called to have my medication refilled on Wednesday.  I wasn’t out, but I wanted to make sure I got it done before the weekend.  I finally talked to my doctor’s office yesterday afternoon because the pharmacy kept saying they hadn’t heard from the doctor.  The doctor said they had never received a request from the pharmacy.  But I received another call from my doctor’s PA that said she had called the refill in to the pharmacy.  So I checked with the pharmacy today and they said they had never heard from the doctor.  Sigh.  I haven’t had anything since last night (I am now out).  I am doing okay pain-wise, but withdrawal will start before the weekend is over.  I can only hope I have dropped one somewhere.  I thought I remembered dropping one and it going under my dresser and I never retrieved it.  I didn’t find it, but did find one in the top drawer of my dresser.  I needed to make that last through tonight and tomorrow, so I had a half at bedtime.  It wasn’t enough to keep withdrawal at bay, so it was kind of a rough night.
Sunday

After my rough night, I decided to move the dresser to see if I could find the one I remember dropping.  I found it, thank the Lord.  So I took the other half this morning.  I knew withdrawal would be extremely uncomfortable during church if I didn’t (think trying to sit still when you have restless legs, except you feel that way all over).  (Perhaps this is why I was so snacky last night.)  With that half, I was comfortable all day, and I have the other one for tonight.  That will get me through until I am able to get a refill tomorrow.  I am going to start working on weaning myself off and see how far I can get with this month’s prescription.  I am being painfully honest.  I am not addicted to pain meds in the sense that I take more than I am supposed to and abuse them that way.  My last bottle lasted me 58 days, and if I had taken the dosage on the time schedule listed, it would have lasted 30 days.  But I have been on them long enough that my body is definitely dependent on them.  Since my pain level has improved so much, it is time to start getting off of them.  If last time is any indication, it will be rough and I want to take it really slow.  Withdrawal from them is the main reason I gained about 40 pounds before starting this blog.  With the weight I gained, the pain got very bad again and I needed them just to be able to function every day.  I am going to take it much slower this time to try to avoid that.  During the withdrawal, I wanted to eat everything in sight at times, especially sweets.  I will just take them further and further apart and then take half-doses, and then stretch those out further and further.  I will be glad to get free of them. 
For breakfast this morning I had Greek yogurt with Kashi GoLean Crunch, some honey and a banana.  That held me fine until lunch, which was near 2:00.  I went to church with my daughters this morning (at my old church).  For lunch we went to Texas Roadhouse.  I knew I could eat reasonably there, as long as I controlled the bread.  I still wanted to use my extra points for a dessert, so I decided that meant no bread (they have yummy rolls they serve as soon as you sit down.  I didn’t have one bite.  My meal was a barbecued chicken breast, a sweet potato with the butter on the side (only used a teaspoon), and fresh vegetables (which was steamed broccoli and carrots).  The chicken had more points than I would have figured, so lunch was a little bit “expensive” on the points side, but much better than other things I could have eaten.  I still wanted some dessert.  I really wanted a cupcake, but all the places you might could get a good one were closed for Easter.  My dessert ended up being a Toll House Cookie Ice Cream Sandwich, which was 13 points.  Next time I will plan better so my dessert (or however I want to use my points) is what I REALLY want.  That took all my daily points, exactly, so I have 18 weekly points left.  I want to save a little extra in case I need them during the week, so want to eat on the lighter side tonight.  I’m not sure yet what that is going to be.

Church was good, and I still love this church.  I just know me – it is too far away for me to get really involved like I want to be to get to know people on a more personal level.  So I need to go back to the two churches in Downtown Dallas that are possibilities.  As soon as I am not working significant OT, I will do that (if not before).
One thing I like about having been away from my church this long is I don’t feel like the same person I was before.  Not in a bad way.  So many memories are tied up in this church (this is where we went when I was married, and then during the painful period after my marriage ended).  I felt so needy all the time back then.  I don’t feel that way anymore.  I was needy emotionally and financially.  It was a tough road making it with the kids after my divorce (it was tough enough before).  I had to ask for help more than once (our church is good that they help their members during times of need).  Through all the hard work, both on my emotional state and financially, I don’t feel overly needy anymore.  And I am glad to get away from a lot of the memories of my marriage falling apart and certain people who played a part in that (not in a bad way, necessarily).  I want to start fresh as the new person I have become.  I like to visit every once in a while with my daughters, but I don’t think it is the permanent place for me, at least for now.

I haven’t done much this weekend, as far as house cleaning or working out.  I was already extremely tired, and spent enough time away from home, that when I got back home, I haven’t felt very energetic.  I hope to be able to take at least a couple of extra days off soon.  I’m going to rest up this evening and try to get started on the right track tomorrow morning.

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