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Thursday, March 7, 2013

Better Today

I ended up supplementing my calories a little bit last night.  It was under control, pretty much, and my motive was only to feed my body something it needed because of the weakness.  I don’t know if what I chose was the smartest thing – I am not sure if I needed protein or carbs.  I am on a pretty low carb diet.  What I did was I spread about a teaspoon of peanut butter on my MF chocolate chip pancake and drizzled a little chocolate syrup on it – probably a teaspoon.  I had a little more pb on a spoon (probably a teaspoon) and a few (probably a tablespoon) of craisins.  That was it.  It did seem to help and this morning I walked and did my recumbent bike workout (25 minutes!) without having to eat anything first.  I even added the arm work I did on Monday while I was pedaling the bike.  I felt a little weak walking to work, so I ate a tangelo when I got there.

The scale is moving.  I hope I at least get to or pass 255 at my weigh-in Saturday morning.  255 would be 3 pounds.

I plan to pull out the bins in the top of my closet this weekend and see what I am able to get into soon, plus get the dress out that I am aiming for by Easter and see how far I have to go for it.

I am getting a lot of “skinny” comments around work.  Skinny being a relative term, of course.  But people are noticing.

I got to go to lunch today (Jerry has standing meetings on Thursdays), so that is good for Cas and good for me to get more activity.  I was feeling pretty empty, so ate a few baby carrots before heading out to walk him.  When I got back to my loft, I did a little of this and that and was about to walk out the door when I realized, I forgot to eat lunch!  Lol.  So I mixed up my shake right quick and drank it down.

I have a new discomfort the last couple of days – a catching feeling in my right hip.  I had this before the back problems got worse, so maybe I am backing my way out of the symptoms.  Lol.  After I walk a bit, it eases up.  It’s just uncomfortable for the first 25 steps or so.  Not extreme pain, just uncomfortable.

I’m going to have to have a heart-to-heart with my son.  Confrontation – something I am not good with.  But it is for his own good.  I think I know how to say it in a way that will convey it is because I care about him and not like his father used to do it.  Which is one reason I have been bad about it.  His father alienated him so much in his younger days (they have no relationship now), that I don’t want to do anything to push him away like that.  But I have a proven relationship and track record with him and he knows I am nothing like his father.  So this is something I must do.

I really have to work on my assertiveness.  Something I am having to do at work today should give me practice at that.  My boss has tasked me with talking to the client in a little bitty case we have and getting the case settled.  So I must be authoritative and tell him why he needs to fork out more money to settle it than his last offer.  I sometimes find it easier when I am assuming a different role.  So I psych myself to act like an attorney and it is easier.  It is more difficult for me when it is personal.  I think it goes back to the old mentality that I better not make any waves so people won’t mind having me around too much – a feeling I have had since birth.  This is something I need to overcome, deep down, once and for all, if I am going to be successful in changing my life for the better.  So there is no time like the present to work on it.

I think I mentioned yesterday that I realize it is going to take another week (after next week) of Medifast to get to my preliminary goal.  I was thinking that I may have to take a week off before doing the third week because I have been feeling so weak.  There are a couple of reasons I do not want to do this.  First is I want to get this done before Easter, not only so I can be comfortable in the dress I want to wear, but also because I want to have my hair done by then, which is my reward for reaching that preliminary goal.  The second reason is I just want to get done with Medifast once and for all and move on to WW.  I don’t want to put that off any longer than I have to.  So I am thinking, if I am still feeling weak at the end of next week, the following week I will do a modified version of Medifast.  My thoughts on that right now are to do the 5 Medifast meals as usual, but on my Lean & Green meal, add a carbohydrate such as a piece of bread, a small baked potato, a serving of pasta, possibly with an extra teaspoon of fat, or something like that.  Maybe that extra bit of carbs would give me the extra strength I need without prohibiting the amount of weight loss I need to finish the goal.  We will see.  I don’t know if the carbs is what would help, or more protein.  I guess if the carbs didn’t help after a day or two, I could have something like a container of Greek yogurt in the morning and see if that made a difference.  I just want to get done and move on to my long-term plan.  But I do not want to quit Medifast until I have reached my preliminary goal.  It’s part of the not quitting thing I am working on.

There are times today when I start realizing I am hungry and I think I am going to have to eat some carrots or something, but then will realize it is time for one of my MF meals.  I guess that is good.  But I typically start getting the most hunger in the evening.

Today was one of those days at work that was pleasantly busy, so I felt productive, but not crazy busy where it is push, push, push all day.  I don’t mind those days every once in a while, but days like today are nice.

I took some dinner to work, just in case I had to work late.  I was feeling okay at 6:00 and decided to wait until I got home.  I ended up not getting off until 7:45, but I did okay.  I just warmed up my dinner when I got home.  I wasn’t nearly as hungry today.  Now if the weight will respond well!

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