No lunchtime walk again today, unfortunately. Not only did I have to work through lunch, but it is really windy today.
Cas is getting so out of sorts from being cooped up. He lunged and snarled at a person today. He never did that until lately. I don’t know if he would bite them or not. I don’t want to find out. Thankfully he is on a leash and I was able to react quickly enough. The guy (who kind of popped around the corner suddenly in the parking garage) thought it was funny. I don’t know if he startled Cas or if it was because he had on a hat (which has brought a reaction from him before). Probably both. He was fine (with people) for the walk, once I got him settled down. He is still not good with big dogs. I left a note and asked my son to walk him. Whether he will or not is another story. I don’t know what his schedule was for today.
This is another one of those days where my boss has me holed up in an office with him all day. I have to take a minute when he leaves the office to tend to something to have my snacks, although if I told him I needed to do that, he would let me, of course.
Today I can show you pictures of my meals (some of them are representative and not necessarily what I had today).
First thing, a tangelo:
|Who's that in the background?|
Breakfast, a spiced pancake with a little all-fruit jelly:
|This is a small, dessert-sized plate.|
AM Snack, a Peanut Butter Crunch Bar:
|Yum - not!|
Afternoon Snack, a Caramel Crunch Bar:
A Lean & Green Meal:
|This was actually my Lean & Green|
a couple of days ago. The meat is pork
tenderloin. I didn't slice it when I made
it, but put a fork in and twisted to check
for doneness. I took my portion and
seared it a bit.
Another Caramel Crunch Bar for my evening snack (I did not get home in time to have what was on the agenda – a Chocolate Chip Soft-Bake, so had to switch things around.
That’s it. I have not been as hungry today as yesterday. I was getting hungry for dinner, but thankfully had taken something with me today to have for my Lean & Green meal. I don’t know what the difference in my hunger was. Nothing about the way I ate. When I went into the kitchen at lunch to mix up my shake, someone was in there eating barbecue. That gets to me more than anything as far as smelling someone’s lunch. Makes it difficult to face a yucky-tasting shake. But my mind is set on those last 8 pounds and I do not want to mess around getting to that goal.
I was reading the archives of Lori’s blog again today (I read it when waiting on my boss for next instructions when I am in there with him; we are across the desk from each other). She was talking about an article she read about the percentage of people who lose all their weight and gain it all back in 1-2 years. Two-thirds put on more than they lost. That is so scary and speaks to me of the necessity of forming lasting habits, not just holding the enemy appetite at bay until you reach your goal. It will likely mean giving up certain foods for me. I don’t have a very good track record of being able to eat sweets every once in a while. I do better if I don’t eat them at all. It remains to be seen if I come to that conclusion again this time. My experience is, if I don’t eat them, I stop craving them. If I do eat them, I want more and all the time. I really am a sugar-holic. It is also my experience that when I stop eating them, my appetite stabilizes at a much healthier level. So, if I want this bad enough, and I want it to be permanent, this may be something I have to do. They are not good for you anyway, obviously. Is all the pain I have endured in my lifetime (physically and emotionally) worth eating sweets? No, I don’t think so. This is not something I am ready to tackle yet, but when I transition to WW, it may be something I want to do if I keep having trouble getting off track when eating sweets. One way of managing I plan to try is that any sweet I eat has to be something I really want and something “special,” not just something that is there. My eating must not be incidental. It must be something I have planned for and a specific I want. Does that make sense?
Last weekend, on my off-day, I bought some Sara Lee pound cake, which is something I have been craving – pound cake with berries and whipped cream. They had a package that contained 6 slices, individually wrapped. I thought this was a lot safer than getting a whole cake. I did eat two pieces (not at the same time), and that’s not great. I wanted to eat three (and probably would have wanted to eat four after that). The next morning, starting my week of Medifast, I got it out of the house so I wouldn’t have to wrestle with it. If I could limit my sweet-eating to safe times, like at a restaurant (in a proper portion), and never have it in the house, it is possible I could make that work. It is just a question of whether I will do that or not. The old Sheryl would not. The only time I ever lost all my weight and kept it off for any length of time, I quit eating sugar. I did not eat it for three years and I kept the majority of my weight off. I got so practiced at saying no, I never gave it a second thought and it was not difficult. But one Christmas, my friend talked me into eating some of her Christmas goodies with the excuse they were made with honey. That was all it took, and I was off. It wasn’t a year before I gained all the weight I had lost back.
Again, after writing this much, work overwhelmed me and I did not have a minute to look up. It was another rough day – 13 hours without a real break. And it is likely to be like this for the next two months. Still, I did not lose my determination to stay on track with my eating. For a moment or two, I felt sad that I could not “pamper myself” with something to eat, but I quickly pushed those thoughts away. Being busy is good in one way – it keeps your mind off eating a lot of the time. But there are weak moments that want to creep in. If I can stand up to those during the next two months – just work the plan, whatever it is – I think I will strengthen some “muscles” needed in this journey. So that is the plan. The big thing is to HAVE a plan, and then just follow it.
It is going to be difficult to get extra activity in during this time, but if I can get in that morning workout in whatever form, and walk my dog whenever I can, I will at least have the habit built for when I have more time to really intensify things.
I continue to be amazed at my lack of pain. There is no pain with my back and radiating pain. A little bit of achiness in my back in the middle of the night, but other than that – nothing. I am amazed. I am having some trouble with upper back pain and headaches, but they are on the minor side right now -- or at least managed. Hopefully I can do what I have to do to keep them that way. I am sure they are largely caused by stress and tension, so I have to do all I can do to combat against that.
I’ll close now. I’m tired and need to get to bed (even though I have had virtually no evening). Hopefully this will at least make me a lot of money for my vacation I am saving for.