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Sunday, March 31, 2013

My Weekend


This Saturday is different than the ones when I was on Medifast.  I felt freer to eat a lot of what I wanted before, but now, I know I really can’t do that.  For the most part, I need to keep following the weekly plan with some additions here and there, using my weekly points.  I don’t think I need to do too much extra in one day.  Maybe spread it over both days of the weekend and save a few in case I need them during the week.  It’s about lifestyle now.
Breakfast this morning was 2 slices of reduced calorie bread and 2 tablespoons of peanut butter, for 7 points.  I need to go to the store, so that’s all I’ve eaten so far.

There are indications that I may be getting my life back sooner than later.  That’s all I can say.  I am having to get my mind around this, but it really is a good thing, if it happens.  I just wasn’t expecting it yet.  Time to brush up my profile on a dating website?  Maybe.  Definitely will be time to pursue friendships more if it actually happens.
I really need to go to the grocery store.  All I have left, as far as fruit is concerned, is some not-very-good apples.  I went to CVS and spent way too much on a fruit cup of grapes and pineapple.  It was nice to have something different.  I am so ready for summer fruit!

Went to the store, so now have food in the house.  My eating today has been different.  I never really ate a formal evening meal, but spent way too much time eating this and that.  None of it was high points value, but it all added up.  However, I tracked everything and still have 18 weekly points left.  I don’t like the way I did this.  I would rather use my weekly points on something I don’t have just every day, so will need to plan better next weekend.  I just wasn’t in the mood to cook.  I ate too many carbs (mostly crackers, but tracked every one).

I called to have my medication refilled on Wednesday.  I wasn’t out, but I wanted to make sure I got it done before the weekend.  I finally talked to my doctor’s office yesterday afternoon because the pharmacy kept saying they hadn’t heard from the doctor.  The doctor said they had never received a request from the pharmacy.  But I received another call from my doctor’s PA that said she had called the refill in to the pharmacy.  So I checked with the pharmacy today and they said they had never heard from the doctor.  Sigh.  I haven’t had anything since last night (I am now out).  I am doing okay pain-wise, but withdrawal will start before the weekend is over.  I can only hope I have dropped one somewhere.  I thought I remembered dropping one and it going under my dresser and I never retrieved it.  I didn’t find it, but did find one in the top drawer of my dresser.  I needed to make that last through tonight and tomorrow, so I had a half at bedtime.  It wasn’t enough to keep withdrawal at bay, so it was kind of a rough night.

After my rough night, I decided to move the dresser to see if I could find the one I remember dropping.  I found it, thank the Lord.  So I took the other half this morning.  I knew withdrawal would be extremely uncomfortable during church if I didn’t (think trying to sit still when you have restless legs, except you feel that way all over).  (Perhaps this is why I was so snacky last night.)  With that half, I was comfortable all day, and I have the other one for tonight.  That will get me through until I am able to get a refill tomorrow.  I am going to start working on weaning myself off and see how far I can get with this month’s prescription.  I am being painfully honest.  I am not addicted to pain meds in the sense that I take more than I am supposed to and abuse them that way.  My last bottle lasted me 58 days, and if I had taken the dosage on the time schedule listed, it would have lasted 30 days.  But I have been on them long enough that my body is definitely dependent on them.  Since my pain level has improved so much, it is time to start getting off of them.  If last time is any indication, it will be rough and I want to take it really slow.  Withdrawal from them is the main reason I gained about 40 pounds before starting this blog.  With the weight I gained, the pain got very bad again and I needed them just to be able to function every day.  I am going to take it much slower this time to try to avoid that.  During the withdrawal, I wanted to eat everything in sight at times, especially sweets.  I will just take them further and further apart and then take half-doses, and then stretch those out further and further.  I will be glad to get free of them. 
For breakfast this morning I had Greek yogurt with Kashi GoLean Crunch, some honey and a banana.  That held me fine until lunch, which was near 2:00.  I went to church with my daughters this morning (at my old church).  For lunch we went to Texas Roadhouse.  I knew I could eat reasonably there, as long as I controlled the bread.  I still wanted to use my extra points for a dessert, so I decided that meant no bread (they have yummy rolls they serve as soon as you sit down.  I didn’t have one bite.  My meal was a barbecued chicken breast, a sweet potato with the butter on the side (only used a teaspoon), and fresh vegetables (which was steamed broccoli and carrots).  The chicken had more points than I would have figured, so lunch was a little bit “expensive” on the points side, but much better than other things I could have eaten.  I still wanted some dessert.  I really wanted a cupcake, but all the places you might could get a good one were closed for Easter.  My dessert ended up being a Toll House Cookie Ice Cream Sandwich, which was 13 points.  Next time I will plan better so my dessert (or however I want to use my points) is what I REALLY want.  That took all my daily points, exactly, so I have 18 weekly points left.  I want to save a little extra in case I need them during the week, so want to eat on the lighter side tonight.  I’m not sure yet what that is going to be.

Church was good, and I still love this church.  I just know me – it is too far away for me to get really involved like I want to be to get to know people on a more personal level.  So I need to go back to the two churches in Downtown Dallas that are possibilities.  As soon as I am not working significant OT, I will do that (if not before).
One thing I like about having been away from my church this long is I don’t feel like the same person I was before.  Not in a bad way.  So many memories are tied up in this church (this is where we went when I was married, and then during the painful period after my marriage ended).  I felt so needy all the time back then.  I don’t feel that way anymore.  I was needy emotionally and financially.  It was a tough road making it with the kids after my divorce (it was tough enough before).  I had to ask for help more than once (our church is good that they help their members during times of need).  Through all the hard work, both on my emotional state and financially, I don’t feel overly needy anymore.  And I am glad to get away from a lot of the memories of my marriage falling apart and certain people who played a part in that (not in a bad way, necessarily).  I want to start fresh as the new person I have become.  I like to visit every once in a while with my daughters, but I don’t think it is the permanent place for me, at least for now.

I haven’t done much this weekend, as far as house cleaning or working out.  I was already extremely tired, and spent enough time away from home, that when I got back home, I haven’t felt very energetic.  I hope to be able to take at least a couple of extra days off soon.  I’m going to rest up this evening and try to get started on the right track tomorrow morning.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Weigh-In Day

I lost 1.2 pounds this week.  I was a little surprised, because nothing was showing up until today.  At least it was a little progress.

More later.

Friday, March 29, 2013

The End of a Busy Week

I was feeling a little blue this morning.  I confess, this was a one-sided pity party, but I still just need to get out there how I was feeling, even if it is silly, okay?  I was feeling like, other than my kids and the people I work with (which, often, is a lot of output and not a lot of input), I have no one who really cares about me on a day-to-day basis.  No one (other than my daughter) asks me to do anything, and rarely inquires about me.  Seems like I am often the one initiating the contact, and sometimes when I do, I don’t even get a reply.  Now, I will admit, I have been too much of a loner with friends and probably done a little too much talking about myself during all the turmoil of the last few years with my family.  I suppose people get tired of that.  But I would have welcomed the same from those I talked to.  They just usually choose to go elsewhere, I guess.  It’s hard being the only single one in my family.  They all have their spouses to go to.  I have tried to start doing better about being a giver instead of a taker.  I don’t know, I guess I am just kind of lonesome.  I’ll be glad when this trial is over, and I will do some more working on that situation.

Enough of that.  Lots of weakness comes up when you are tired.  I am a big believer in, if you don’t like how things are going in your life, then you need to make some changes so things will change.  So that is what I am trying to do.  I have started doing some little things, and as soon as I have a little more free time, I will do more.  That’s all I can do.

I still don’t think I am going to lose any weight this week.  In fact, I may gain.  It’s discouraging, but I know it is just one of those things.  I just have to stick with the program.  Perhaps my body is making adjustments from going from Medifast to Weight Watchers.  The only way I will fail is if I quit.  I was looking at a weight loss journal I have kept.  I journaled about a time when the scale was being really stubborn.  I was in the high 250’s, when now I am in the low 250’s.  The difference in those weights could be the breast reduction.  Seems like this is somewhere my body likes to get stuck.  But maybe it’s just one of those things.  I don’t know.  I know I need to get more workouts done, but work is taking all of my energy right now.  I do plan to do some more this weekend.  I really want to push past it next week.  I need to get my hair done!  Lol.  And I just need to feel like I am on the move again.

There are cookies in the break room.  Ugh.  Need to stay out of there.  Tomorrow is weigh-in day.  Have to keep that in mind, and that helps.  I did pinch a tiny corner off of one, but that was it.

Breakfast today was Banana Custard Oats again.  I did something different yesterday, but forgot to mention that.  This time I put some toasted coconut on it.  For lunch, I didn’t want to spend too many points and not have enough for tonight.  I got a Farmhouse Salad at Potbelly, hold the bacon.  The points on this are not bad – 7 – but adding my dressing (which is Newman’s Own Lite Balsamic Vinaigrette), that ran it up a couple of more.  So I decided to eat 3/4 of the salad and that way, it was only 5 points, plus 2 for the dressing.  I also had a banana and this is holding me just fine at this moment.  I like to have at least about 15 points available at night, enough for my dinner and a little evening snack.  As I have said, that is my weakest time of day.

Jerry is in mediation today.  If the case does not settle, he could be back ready to work late in the afternoon.  On the other hand, he might be so tired, he does not.  I sincerely hope he does not come back, because I really want to go home on time.  I did get to go home at lunch and walk Cas.  That felt kind of good just to get out of the house.  I had a couple of errands to do too.  Cas looked a little forlorn when we came in from his walk and I immediately left again.  I needed to pick up my BP med, because if I don’t take it, I will retain water.  Not good the day before weigh-in.

I haven’t mentioned, but my back has been a little sore since I did the Walk & Firm video.  I really think it is only a “regular” soreness and not a flare-up.  No radiating pain.  However, last night, I turned on my side and there was not enough support in the lower back area and I got a kink in it.  It was hurting pretty badly before I went to sleep and was pretty sore when I got up, but I guess it worked itself out, because later in the morning, it was pretty much gone.  (It was hurting again in the evening, however.)

Surprise, surprise, I got to leave early today.  They let everybody go early because it was Good Friday, and I guess my boss was not coming back, because we were told we could go.  I got home and wanted to eat.  That’s usually what I do when I first get home.  But it was too early.  So I decided to do what my body really needed, and that was rest and sleep.  So I took a nap until about 6:00.  Then, I was hungry and didn’t want to take a long time fixing dinner.  First, I ate the rest of my salad from lunch.  Then I made a wrap with one egg, an egg white and some onions, peppers and mushrooms cooked with it.  I also put a slice of reduced fat cheese on it.  It was good, but not great.  Then I had my usual crackers with Nutella and some popcorn.  I had finished eating by 7:00, so I had to go the rest of the evening without anything.  I could have eaten some more fruit, but didn’t.

My daughter came over and we just watched some TV.  She was tired too.  I cleaned the kitchen a little too, so I would have as much to do tomorrow.

I think I will head to bed soon, since I don’t want to be tempted to eat anything else.  Gonna finish watching Castle first.

Happy weekend!

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Cookie Cravings

Another busy, busy day.  I got through most of the morning before I realized I still had on my athletic shoes from walking to work.  And hadn’t put my lunch in the refrigerator.  I hit the ground running, so to speak.

I got up this morning and was so tired.  I have worked late every night this week and my apartment needed some attention.  I just needed a morning where I didn’t pressure myself to do a workout and could spend the time doing some things that needed to be done.  I will have to make up some workouts on the weekend.  The landlord was going to be entering my apartment with the fire inspector, and I wanted to spiffy things up a bit for that.  And I was just tired.  We have a little more than a month until trial, and then things will be busy during the trial, but after that, things should settle down a bit.

I didn’t go home for lunch.  But I hoped I would get to go home on time tonight.  I sure would like a night off.  But it didn’t happen tonight.  I left work at 8:30.  I don’t think I will have to work late tomorrow night because Jerry will be in a mediation, probably all day.  Maybe or maybe not.  If the mediation is going nowhere, I could see them cutting it short.  We are not going to settle for any small number in this case.  Personally, we want to go to trial.  These Defendants need to pay for what they did.

What I want to do this afternoon is go downstairs to Paradise Bakery and get a couple of cookies.  What I did do is eat my Greek yogurt and part of an orange (it wasn’t a good one).  That kind of behavior needs to be largely a thing of my past.  Not that I can’t ever have a cookie, but I have to be very choosy.  The cookies at Paradise are delicious, but have a ton of points.  And it would probably lead to other overeating behavior.  I will wait until the weekend when I can use the bulk of my weekly points (which is how I am choosing to do it, as a rule; if there is a special occasion, I can vary from that, but this seems to work best).

I got me a sandwich, since I worked late, but that is not what I really wanted to eat tonight.  I don’t know what I wanted to eat, but it was not a sandwich.  One reason I didn’t want to was because it takes up a lot of points.  I decided tonight I would get a 3” sub (kids’ size) so I would have points left when I went home.  I got a roast beef with pepper jack, veggies and honey mustard.  Actually, it was really good.  And it only had 5 points.  So I had 11 points left when I got home.  I ate some popcorn, which is tasting really good to me right now, some crackers and Nutella like I have been having, and 2 Starburst chews someone gave me (1 point).  I waited until I got home to eat those, to make sure that was all I ate.  I put only a little salt on the popcorn – I don’t want to eat too much right before weigh-in.  I feel well satisfied now.  I just needed to be able to snack a little when I got home.

I don’t know if I will work out tomorrow morning either.  I will if I get up on time, which I will try to do, but four days working late is wearing on me.  I know that ultimately, it will help me, but….  I at least know I can walk Cas at lunchtime.  I so wish I could take tomorrow off.  But I won’t ask for days off until after the trial (unless I am really sick).
I am hopeful I will at least lose a little at weigh-in this week.

I guess that’s all for today.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Feeling Burned Out

I am feeling a little dangerous today.  I think it is burnout.  I was not wanting to stay late, at all, last night.  So got home after 9:00 and the pets were restless.  I fed them and hoped they would settle down so I could sleep.  They were rough-housing for quite a while, even after I went to bed.  They kept romping around on my bed chasing each other and wrestling.  Once the cat jumped up on the bed, inside the covers, and grabbed on to my foot.  That hurt!  My foot is all scratched up.  He wasn’t trying to scratch me – my foot just happened to be what was there to grab onto.  I was just about to shut them out of my room (which isn’t always a good idea, because then they will whine or scratch at the door and wake me up later), when they must have settled down and gone to sleep.  But the cat woke up at about 5:00 and started jumping at anything that moved under the cover.  I did close him up in the closet/ bathroom area then so I could get a little more sleep.  I had left my phone at work (again!), so my alarm didn’t go off, so I got a late start, so didn’t get to do my workout. Darn!

I was able to go to lunch today, since Jerry scheduled a luncheon appointment with someone.  I decided to get a sandwich at Potbelly and save what I had brought for lunch from home until dinner, in case I had to work late.  I got a Skinny T-K-Y on wheat and some Pop Chips.  Those sandwiches really have quite a few points.  It’s all the bread.  I used 12 points for lunch, since I put a little guacamole on the sandwich when I got home, instead of mustard or mayo.  I remember this is why I finally decided to make my own Subway type sandwiches at home after doing the Subway Diet for a while.  I could get a bread that didn’t count so many points, but bulk it up with more protein if I wanted to.  That is actually what I had brought from home, so that is what I had for dinner.

I took a little longer for lunch than a usual lunch hour so I had time to get my sandwich, eat it and then get Cas a decent walk.  He has too much pent-up energy.  I wasn’t surprised that I had to work late again tonight, based on what my boss said last night.  That’s the way it’s going to be a lot of the time leading up to trial.  The thing that made me grouchy last night, besides being hungry, was he told me that morning he had to leave at 6:30.  I know better than to count on that, but I was hungry enough, I wasn’t feeling reasonable.  At least I stayed with my eating plan.  A friend of mine at work said I could have eaten some of her food she had in the fridge.  What she doesn’t understand is, I don’t want to eat something just to be eating it.  If I am going to spend the points, I want to want what I am eating.  (She had cheese and yogurt and stuff.)  I just didn’t want to deviate from my plan with snacky stuff and mess things up, even if they were fairly healthy things.

I felt kind of like crying all day yesterday (no reason, just one of those things), and when the cat scratched me, it hurt so much I almost cried.  I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t already been feeling that way.  I think it is just burnout.  There is nothing “wrong”.  I could just use a break.  I can tell my boss is feeling a little grouchy too.  I guess it is getting to all of us who are working so hard leading up to the trial.  When people are pulling at you for other things, you want to come back at them.  Today is his birthday and he strongly admonished that no one should plan any kind of celebration for it right now.  He said he will be ready for some “uplifting” after this trial is over.  Me too.  The uplift a good vacation provides.  I and my co-worker did get him something for his birthday.  He is so difficult to buy for, since anything he wants, he buys.  But we did good!  He loved it!

For some reason, I feel like I have gained weight.  I have not, so that is strange.  Maybe I am kind of bloated, which might also explain why the scale is being so stubborn.  But I think I am just at one of those weights my body “likes” and it takes some convincing to move it on past here.  Darn it!

I did work late tonight – until 8:00.  Funny how I felt like I was getting off early.  That’s the difference attitude makes.  I didn’t mind so much tonight.  It’s one of those weeks.

I was not satisfied after my dinner.  I only had one point left.  I don’t like using too many points at lunch.  I had the same crackers and Nutella I had last night, for 3 points.  So I used 2 of my activity points.

I consider Saturday the last day of my “diet week.”  It certainly was for Medifast.  But WW considers Saturday my first day.  So it says I have used my weekly points already.  I am looking at it like I have used 2 of my weekly points already.  I looked to see if I could change my settings to reflect what is my first day, but didn’t see a way to do that.  It doesn’t matter as long as I keep track of it.

I’m still kind of wanting something to eat, so may go to bed early.  I don’t want to fight this all evening.  At least I got through my dangerous feeling day.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Tough Day at Work

Another busy day.  I didn’t get to go home for lunch again.  Which makes me think of Cas, because I couldn’t walk him at lunchtime.  I may be imagining things, but Cas looks depressed.  He just lay there and looked forlorn this morning.  If he keeps this up, I will have to take him to the vet and make sure he is not sick.  When I walk him, though, which I did this morning, he seems normal, although his frustration is making him act out.  The frustration, as I read it, is because he has been cooped up too much lately.  Poor baby.  He does seem to like the kitty, and they get along.  They even like to wrestle.  Of course, he was not acting forlorn last night.  He would get up and bark at the door every time he heard someone in the hall.  He did that about five times, each when I was about to drop off to sleep.  I didn’t get enough sleep as a result.  Maybe I am imagining Cas’ mood today.  I don’t think I am imagining the frustration, though.  By the way, I want to know why there are so many noisy people in my hallway at 11:00 at night.  I have my fan on to block noise, but Cas has very good hearing.  It's a Yorkie thing.

Breakfast this morning was Banana Custard Oats (a la Lori).  Very tasty, and I didn’t have to add but a teaspoon of sugar to sweeten the oats.  I mashed a very ripe banana and mixed it in while cooking, as well as whisked in liquid egg whites while cooking to add protein and volume.  It held me pretty well until lunch.  I got a little hungry at one point, but I got up and drank my water, and that took care of that.

I had my food all mapped out for the day, so all I had to do was just eat it, like with Medifast.  Theoretically.  Lunch was a repeat of yesterday (tuna wrap, baby carrots and a piece of fruit), except I decided to add some Pop Chips, since I am having so many points left at the end of the day.  I hoped that didn’t come back to bite me.  I would have preferred to have some Food Should Taste Good sweet potato chips, but will have to wait until I go to the store this weekend.  I had an apple instead of an orange.

Afternoon snack was some Greek yogurt and a banana.  Dinner was going to be a pork tenderloin stir-fry (recipe I have in my Cooking Light cookbook), but couldn’t, since I worked so late.  I ate some fish I had prepared a couple of days ago, along with some leftover quinoa and the rest of the veggie kabobs.

I was getting grouchy hungry before I got to leave work and I just wanted to go home.  Plus I was also concerned because Cas is not getting walked like he needs to.

Evening snack was 4 cups of popcorn (that tasted so good last night, except I am going to use a little less salt tonight) and 3 crackers spread with 2 teaspoons total of Nutella (this really satisfies my sweet tooth).  I can’t believe 4 cups of oil popped popcorn has only 4 points.  That was it for today.  It is so much more food than I was getting to eat.

As I said, I was getting grouchy before I got to go home..  That is because my boss announced to me this morning that he would be leaving at 6:30, and that didn’t happen.  If he is not going to go, I would just as soon he not say it.  I should know better than to count on it, although I don’t know what I could have done differently since I couldn’t go home at lunch and I didn’t bring anything for dinner this morning.  But I probably would have been less grouchy and I would have gone and gotten me a sandwich earlier.  I had an orange in the fridge, so ate that and felt a little better.

It is so hard to make plans right now.  I wanted to get some extra workouts, but certainly didn’t tonight.  That’s why that morning workout is so important.

I did one, by the way.  I did the beginning hills workout, which is 20 pretty tough minutes for me.  I had to rest a little in the middle, but the more I do it, the less I will have to do that.

That’s pretty much it for my day.  I should go to bed.  I’m really tired and I need to get up on time.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Walk & Firm

Goodness, this was a busy, busy day.  There was some kind of e-mail that came out from the Court saying we were not going to trial on May 6, and then another one came through where that language had been removed, so I really don’t know what is going on.  We are going forward like we are going to trial.  In a way, I was hoping it was true, because I could use a day off, but in another way, my life is on hold in a lot of ways until this trial is over, so I want it to go forward.

Yesterday went well on my first day of WW.  I am going to have to start making better use of my weekend to get in some exercise, since I cannot count on my schedule right now on weekdays, for sure.  I wasn’t able to go home for lunch today, so no walk then.  I did walk Cas this morning, but overslept and did not get my recumbent bike workout done, despite my best efforts to get other things done ahead of time last night.  I don’t know why I didn’t wake up enough when my alarm went off.  I usually know when it goes off that I have 15 minutes to get up on time.  This time, I turned it off and went right back to sleep for another 45 minutes.  The pets were not bothering me either, which was unusual.  Anyway, I left work at 7:00 tonight (a 10-1/2 hour work day without much of any break).  I had to walk Cas, and I tried the Leslie Sansone Walk & Firm video I have.  It has mini squats and lunges in it, which will be a good start toward my strength training routine.  It also uses some hand weights to do a little arm work.  My knees are starting to hurt me a bit, but it is my knees, not my back, except for twinges now and again.  That didn’t seem to affect these moves too much.  I was tuned in to whether my back felt twinge-y as I went along.  I am anxious to work on my arms, since they are bothering me.  Not so much loose skin yet, but too fat and flabby.  I guess with Spring coming on, when you wear shorter sleeves, I am focused on it more.  Speaking of which, it was 34 degrees this morning.  In Texas.  In late March.  That is unusual.  Kind of ready for some warmer weather, but once it comes, all too soon, it will be way too hot.  I’ll look at it this way, hot weather will make me sweat more and that helps with weight loss.  Just looking on the bright side.

Breakfast this morning was protein waffles with blueberry topping again.  I made a triple batch when I made them (the one thing I don’t like about the recipe is it is a little time consuming to scrape the batter out of the blender every time; so I decided to try making a triple batch to see if it kept okay (it did), so I only have to scrape it out of the blades of the blender one out of three times).  I am out of cottage cheese, so no more until I go to the store again.  I think tomorrow will be some kind of flavored oats (also a la Lori) – probably banana custard.

I hit the ground running at work and had lunch at my desk.  I know that is frowned upon, but that’s life right now.  Lunch was another tuna wrap (only 5 points!), but this time I made some tuna salad with Miracle Whip Light, sweet pickle relish and chopped boiled egg.  I liked this a lot better than the one I had yesterday, for tuna.  It was not such a fishy taste.  At least I can use up all the tuna I have (I bought a multiple pack sometime in the past at Costco).  I thought it was going to become pet food yesterday.  J  With the tuna wrap I had baby carrots and an orange (a 5-point meal).

Afternoon snacks included a container of Greek yogurt (2 points), strawberries (0 points) and a slice of reduced calorie bread with 1 tsp. peanut butter (2 points).

Dinner was 4 oz. grilled chicken breast with barbecue sauce, ½ cup Quinoa cooked with chicken stock and garlic paste, and another skewer of the veggie kabobs like yesterday.

After this, I still had 8 points left, so I had 3 crackers with a teaspoon of Nutella spread on each (4 points) and 4 cups of popcorn.  I guess I should use more earlier in the day, but I like to save enough at the end of the day that I can satisfy any hunger I have (that is my weakest time of day).  I keep feeling like I am eating too much, but I am just used to the little I got on Medifast.

I’m still a bit “down” because of the plateau.  For some reason, I feel like I have gained weight, but I have not.  It will pass, and I am sure I will get moving again.

I really have to get going on my exercise in earnest now.  I didn’t have such a good start this morning.  I will be glad when I have more energy, in general.  I was able to do 20 out of 30 minutes on the Walk & Firm tape.  I could have finished, but I felt it wise not to push too much the first time.  I don’t feel like I did anything to bring on a flare-up.  This is so amazing, because when I first started Medifast, I couldn’t even do the little kicks on one of her tapes, and my hips would start burning and getting too uncomfortable after about 10 minutes.  The left side of my hip got a little “burn-y” for a minute, but it let up after a bit.  And I was doing squats and lunges too.  So, I am very pleased with how much my physical condition has improved from the weight loss.  None of it bothered my knees either.  I expect to be sore tomorrow, but the usual kind of soreness.  I would like to do a 30-minute recumbent bike workout in the morning and do this video each night I can (with my work schedule), as well as walking my dog a couple of times a day.  That’s a pretty good amount of activity.

With this, I am well on my way to the active lifestyle I want to live.  I would like to get another 15 pounds off by the time the trial is over (which would be towards the end of May).  I think that is possible, with consistent work (but I will not be overly disappointed if it doesn’t happen – it is just something to work toward).  At that time, if I feel ready, I am going to put my profile back on a dating website and see about starting to date again.  That would make me around 20 pounds or so lighter than the last time I did this, and I did okay about getting dates then.  I want to be confident enough in myself where I hold firm on what I am looking for in a man and be strong enough to require him to prove he really wants what he is chasing.  It was my experience last time that guys like to pursue and once they think they have caught you, they are not as interested.  Or so it seemed.  I just know I am not going to give my heart away easily.  I certainly want to find a better man than I did the first time.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

WW -- Day 1

I never checked in yesterday.  I guess that tells you I wasn’t that excited about my weigh-in.  I lost .4 pound, 4 pounds short of my preliminary goal.  I lost that .4 pound on the last two days of Medifast, when I increased my calories a little bit.  So I definitely was/am plateauing.  I ate a little more than I should have yesterday, but only a little when counting the points.

So today it really starts.  Everything counts. I get 35 points a day, now, and 49 weekly points (which I anticipate I will usually use on the weekend). This morning I had protein waffles (6 points) with blueberry topping (3 points) a la Lori.  I don’t want you to think I am copying Lori’s blog, by posting a picture of these, but these are awesome if you haven’t tried them.  And they hold you really well.  I did add a teaspoon of sugar to the waffles (same batter as the pancakes) (didn’t change the points value) and 2 teaspoons to the blueberry topping (didn’t change the points value).  Maybe as I progress it will taste sweet enough to me without it.
Yesterday didn’t go anywhere near as I planned.  My daughter wanted me to go with her to look at a car she wanted to buy.  She had a bad accident in 2010 (?), and as a result, had to have back surgery.  She received a pretty good settlement because of the accident because the other driver was texting while driving and plowed into the back of her (my) car while Steph was waiting on oncoming traffic to turn left on a two-lane road.  The little girl hit her at about 50 miles per hour.  Anyway, from that settlement, she paid cash for a 2008 BMW 325i (I think that’s the model).  She had to buy a tire for it recently (which cost her $400), and she talked to a friend about how much her repair costs were going to be, plus she didn’t like toting her dogs around in that nice car and one of them always tries to climb up in the front seat while she is driving, so she wanted to get an SUV-type vehicle.  She bought a Ford Edge.  It’s a really neat vehicle and she got a really good deal.

After that, we went to Chipotle for lunch.  I had 3 tacos made with soft corn tortillas, 2 with chicken, 1 with steak, fajita veggies, pico and guac on each.  Yum!  And not very many points.  I think I have it figured wrong, since I added the guac.  I think it is 10 points for the three tacos.

While we were out, I wanted to stop and look for some more shoes.  A lot of my shoes for work are looking pretty shabby, and as I have lost weight and gotten into some new outfits, I need some shoes to complete the outfits.  I got these blue wedges:

 And these black wedges:

 My black pants are really long (they are Talls, and I am on the tall end of average.  Average pants feel shorter than I like them, but I am not really a Tall, so I have to wear heels with them.  I have some black heels, but needed some wedges, since they are so much more comfortable to be on your feet in.  I also bought some shoe “aids” at the shoe store to help some other problem-shoes I have, work for me.  I got some strips that make the heel straps on a couple of sling-backs keep from slipping off my heels, and some inserts for the ball of the foot area of some shoes to keep my feet from sliding forward in some high heels that then cause them to slip on my heels.  So that gave me four other pairs of shoes I haven’t been wearing added to my wardrobe. So that was fun.

I was also looking for another purse, since the one I have been carrying is so huge, I am messing with my neck and upper back by carrying so much to work all the time.  I didn’t find what I wanted.  I am just not into purses enough to pay $100-200 for one.  Even the ones at Marshalls that I liked and were the size I needed were way too much.  Steph says they have some cute ones at Target, so I will look there.  I am more of a $30-40 a purse kind of girl (if that much).  I have ordered a black one, but I wanted to get another color too (brown, possibly) to match more outfits.  I ordered a rolling tote last week to carry stuff to work without messing with my back and neck. (Now, it’s time to quit shopping for a while!)

After that, I stopped and picked up a few groceries my son couldn’t find when he went for me last week.  By the time I got home, it was around 5:00 and I was tired.

Lunch today was a small piece of steak (lean only) left over from a couple of days ago.  Leftover steak is never as good as fresh, so I cut it in small pieces and put a little barbecue sauce on it and put it on a small baked potato (I’ve been craving one) spread with some Laughing Cow light cheese, and a veggie kabob with a marinade made from Newman’s Own Lite Lime Dressing, jazzed up a little with extra garlic, honey, Worcestershire sauce, and some sriracha sauce.  I tasted the marinade when I mixed it up and it was yummy.  I saw the kabobs yesterday when I picked up the stuff at the store.  They were already assembled – bell pepper, red onion, summer squash and mushrooms.  I marinated and cooked them in the oven.  I don’t have a grill, since I don’t have a balcony or anything.  I could also use my grill pan, but I feel more confident I will cook them correctly by roasting them.  The steak and potato was delicious.  The kabob was so-so.  I wasn’t thrilled with the marinade on the veggies.  I never have liked that lime dressing that much.

Dinner was a wrap made with albacore white tuna, a Laughing Cow Lite garlic & herb cheese wedge spread on a spinach wrap (Olé brand Extreme Healthy Spinach & Herbs Tortilla Wrap -- only 1 point/90 calories each!), with some spinach, julienne carrot, cucumber, onion and apple slices for a little bit of savory and sweet.  I have never liked tuna much, and I still don’t.  The wrap would have been better with canned chicken or grilled chicken.  With that I had some baby carrots and the rest of the apple.

Afternoon snack was a Dannon Light & Fit Greek yogurt (pineapple), an orange, and 3 multigrain crackers with a teaspoon of Nutella spread on each.  I didn’t have all this at the same time.  My evening snack was cinnamon toast made from 2 slices of reduced calorie bread (2 points), 2 teaspoons of butter – 1 on each (2 points), 2 teaspoons of sugar – 1 on each (1 point), and cinnamon (0 points). I forgot to take a picture of the cinnamon toast.  I always used to have cinnamon toast when I wanted something sweet and didn’t have anything in the house and I always felt like I was being “bad.”  Really, though, if you make it like I did tonight, it is not bad at all.  I had 5 points to spend and that did nicely.

My mood is a little down.  Not as in depressed, but less excited than I have been.  I think it is the plateauing.  Two weeks of Medifast and all I had to show for it was .4 pound.  It’s like my momentum was interrupted and I don’t feel as pumped.  Of course, I know that is normal and there will be times when things move more slowly than others – or even stop.  I would have liked to go into the transition feeling up about reaching my preliminary goal.  But I do think it is time.

I feel like I am getting so much food now.  I had planned my breakfast, lunch and dinner and still had 11 points left.  I don’t figure that will last, but it sure is nice right now!  I know better than to eat less than allotted.  You wind up not losing as well, or getting too hungry and bingeing.  I need to just follow the plan and let it work.

On WW, as you lose, you get less and less daily points.  I think as that happens, I will trade in activity points for food to keep it at approximately this much food.  We’ll just see how I lose on the plan and go from there.

Friday, March 22, 2013

I'm Done!

Last day.  Yesterday was a doozy.  I worked until 12:30 a.m., so I was tired.  I know there is supposed to be no excuse for not doing a morning workout, but after working 16 hours, I just could not make it on a little more than four hours of sleep this time.  I slept until 6:45, so didn’t even get to take Cas for a usual morning walk.  I did fine on my eating.  The scale was down a little more this morning (only now dropping below my lowest number before that), so I don’t think I will reach my goal tomorrow morning.  I could be wrong, but it would be unexpected.  I still had not eaten my evening snack when I got home last night, and I debated whether to eat it because it was so late, but it took me a half-hour or so to wind down, and I was hungry.  So I had my pancake.

I was not that hungry this morning, so didn’t eat anything extra other than an orange (which I have been doing for a while).  Still not hungry for anything extra at snack-time, but at lunch, I was going to have an egg.  I was going to put the Benefiber in it like before, but I had taken that to work to put in my yogurt, and it was in my bag at work.  I was ready for something “extra” anyway, so I put the scrambled egg (with sautéed onions, green peppers and mushrooms) between two pieces of reduced calorie bread (80 calories) for my extra.  Yum!  I had some chili paste you buy in the produce section and added a little of that when sautéing the veggies, and it was really good.  Will do this again, for sure.

I don’t know if I will need any more extra for the rest of the day.  If I do, I will eat some frozen cherries.  I do need to drink more water today, since I am behind my usual amount I drink by this time of day.

Tomorrow I will use my daily allowance of 35 points, as well as up to 49 of my weekly points, to have my off-day.  That begins my WW journey.  I hope I will keep right on losing without having to adjust to amount of food, as far as my metabolism, etc. goes.

It is really cool today.  I didn’t check the weather before leaving this morning, and walked out without my jacket.  It wasn’t too bad, but cool enough so that when I went home for lunch, I wore my jacket back.  Unfortunately, the weather forecast is not great for the weekend.  There are supposed to be thunderstorms tomorrow and it’s supposed to be windy on Sunday.  Not good bike riding weather.  I want to start riding my bike more than just to get Cas some exercise.  In fact, sometimes I don’t even want to take him with me.

I did walk Cas at lunch and took a longer lunch than usual, since I worked so late last night.  That was kind of nice.

My son has decided to move out, for sure.  That means I will have my car back as my own.  It’s about time.  He’s been using it, for the most part, for over a year.  I used to carpool with my daughter and then moved downtown, so don’t need a car every day, but I didn’t mean to be giving mine up.  Especially since I make a pretty hefty payment on it every month.  I just wanted him to be able to keep working, and he needed a car to do that.  He has found a job near where he is going to live with a friend.  Now my car can slow down its aging, because I will only be putting a few miles a week on it.  I plan to clean it up, get the brakes fixed, get some new tires when I can, and have a few bumps and dings, etc. fixed and have it painted (all in good time).  Then it will be back to being a pretty decent car.  My son smokes, and although doesn’t smoke in the car, he keeps his clothes and stuff in there a lot, and they make the car smell like smoke.  So it will take a while for it to air out.  I need to get a good detail on it.  Actually, I need to make him do/get a good detail on it.  I must confess I will be glad to have my loft to myself again.

I don’t necessarily think this is a great decision on his part, but I have to let him make his own way.  I can’t do it for him.  He dropped by tonight.  One positive thing – he and his roommate are working on quitting smoking.  Yay!  I pray he is able to quit.  He seemed happier than I have seen him lately and he said he was feeling better.

My weekend will be spent in the following way:  I need to work a couple of hours, cleaning, walking my dog and running him with my bike if I get a pocket of decent weather, cooking and planning meals for next week, settling on a strength training routine to start with, balancing my checkbook, church, and doing whatever the heck I want to.  J  I am having fun seeing what new outfits I can put together, so I will do that – planning what I will wear each day next week and getting it ready.  I need to streamline my mornings, so that means I need to do meal planning and wardrobe planning and preparing beforehand, so I have enough time to work out in the morning.  I have been laying out my clothes in the evening, including jewelry and everything, and putting what I need to take to work in the bag I carry so I don’t have to do that in the morning.  That will include what I take for lunch and/or dinner.  I need to save enough room in the evenings (points-wise) to get a Subway sandwich if I am going to work late.  Unless I have cooked something on the weekend for eating on during the week, I don’t want to have to spend time in the morning making sure I have dinner in case I have to work late.  Now I can just run to the corner and get Subway.

A vendor brought some goodies to the office this afternoon (cookies and little tiny cupcakes).  This time I snagged me something, since I can eat it tomorrow.  I think I will be okay tonight because tomorrow morning is weigh-in and that is very good motivation for me.  And, knowing I can have them tomorrow, I can wait.  I had been trying to decide what kind of dessert I wanted tomorrow, and these looked so good, I decided this was what I would have.

If you have followed me long, you know that the premise I started this blog with was that if I could put together 500 successful days of staying on plan (whatever the plan was at any given time) in close succession, I could get where I want to go.  (I am very motivated by numbers.)  Of course, with all the events that happened in my life, I got side-tracked for a while.  But I had kept pretty good records of when I was on track and what I weighed at any given point.  So when I got back on track, I went back to the last day I had marked being on track and looked up on my chart I am keeping to see what I weighed then.  Then I counted how many days along I was on the 500-day journey at that weight and decided I would start back with saying I had that many days in succession being on plan.  So with those days, and now the successful days since beginning Medifast, I will be starting WW on Day 97 of my journey.  I have 96 successful days under my belt (assuming I stay on track tonight, which I will).  So, in theory, approximately 400 days to go to get where I want to be.  In a perfect world.  But it helps me remember that today, this day, is very important, because if I don’t get through Day 96, I will never get to Day 97, Day 300 or Day 500.  Every day is important.  Although as long as I don’t get off track too many days, it’s not like I go back to square one (or Day 1) when I mess up.  It’s just a way to motivate myself.

It is about 9:00 p.m. now.  I have been a little snacky, but only a little (a few craisins, one cracker and 5 sweet potato chips).  Nothing to do with the goodies I brought home from work.  I’m really tired, so I am going to get this posted and go to bed (going to bed at 9:00 on Friday night – I’m a real swinger).  I want to prevent any further “bleeding” and I just realized the reason I am so tired is I didn’t get much sleep last night.  Not enough for me, anyway.  This seemed like such a long week and I am so glad it is Friday.

Now I can say it – I am done with Medifast!

Thursday, March 21, 2013

One More Day!

I had a whole post written and my computer crashed.  Darn it.

I think I am plateauing.  I decided to eat a little more on these last two days of Medifast.  That doesn’t mean I can go all out.  I am going to keep it at 1200 calories.  For example, for breakfast this morning, in addition to my Medifast pancake, I ate a piece of reduced calorie bread (40 calories) with a teaspoon of peanut butter (32 calories).  I checked the calories on my day with that and the banana I ate this morning (plus my usual foods) and it came up to just over 1000.  So I will add a container of Greek yogurt (80 calories) and some fruit, probably for dinner.  I checked the points on that and it added up to 21.  My current daily points allowance is 35.  So that is well under what I can eat on WW.

I am a little nervous about transitioning to WW.  I worry about keeping things under control.  I expect that my body might have to make a little adjustment from eating 900-1000 calories a day for a couple of months and moving to eating however many I will be getting on WW.  I don’t know, but it seems like your metabolism would have to adjust a little.  Or will the fact that I will still be eating less than required to maintain my weight mean I will keep right on losing, just slower?  I don’t know, but it will be an interesting experiment.

I was a little late getting out of bed this morning, but only a few minutes.  I did walk Cas and I did my recumbent bike workout (20 minutes).  As I said yesterday, I want to start doing 30 minutes on the recumbent bike starting next week, but other than that, the extra exercise I want to start with is some strength training.  Strength training is supposed to help your metabolism work better, and the added muscle burns more calories.  So I want to get into doing a strength workout routine before trying to add any more cardio (other than my walks with my dogs and riding my bike when I want to).

Despite the scale not moving, I am obviously losing inches.  I am wearing an outfit I last wore 2 weeks ago, and there is obviously a different in the way it fits.  I wish I knew the explanation of why I am losing fat and not losing weight.  I can’t say it is because I am gaining muscle, because I am not doing enough working out for that, I don’t believe.  Just one of those times the body decides to hang onto fluid, I guess.  It will show up eventually.

As I have gone through the day, it amazes me how much difference just that little bit of extra food has made.  I haven’t been hungry at all.  Maybe going on something really restrictive at first is not a bad idea because when you get your “normal” amount of food later, it seems like a lot.  But I suspect your body quickly adapts.

I went home for lunch, but I did not do my usual walk with Cas.  It is really windy today and I hate wind.  I have to work late tonight, but if it is not too, too late, I will do a “parking garage” walk if lack of daylight and weather issues keep me from doing a regular one.  I spent my lunch hour cleaning my loft.  I got the kitchen all spiffied up, and it felt so much better to leave it that way than the way it was this morning.  I got some work done on my bedroom, too, but still have more to do in there.  My bedroom is so crowded, just a little bit of stuff makes it look a big mess.  I would like to get a new chair for my room that did not take up so much room, but I will have to wait until I get some other stuff having to do with the kids paid off.  I don’t want to incur that much debt.

I was just thinking, I can’t wait for the summer fruits to come out.  Berries are already coming out, I guess (I will be going to Costco next trip for groceries!), but I can’t wait for cantaloupe, grapes, peaches/nectarines, watermelon, etc.

I’m still at work and it’s 9:48 p.m.  Ready to go home, but don’t know how soon it will be.  I worry about my babies at home (but that is one reason I got the kitty – so they could keep each other company).

I’m going to be tired tomorrow, but at least it will be Friday.  One more day!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Three More Days -- I Can Do That

I didn't realize I didn't get my post posted yesterday.  Oh well.  Nothing special happened.  I stayed on track.

I don’t know what was wrong with me this morning, but I was very slow moving.  I had left my phone at work, so didn’t have my alarm and didn’t get up until 6:15.  But I was very slow after that and I did not get my recumbent bike workout done.  If my boss does what he said, I will not work late tonight, so really need to do that tonight.  It is not looking like I will be going to lunch, so I will also need to walk my dog tonight.

I wasn’t “not wanting” to do a workout.  What I would have preferred to do today is stay home and work out, clean my house, walk my dog, ride my bike, etc. instead of go to work.  I am feeling burned out.  And ready to eat a little more.  I haven’t followed through on that last one up to the point I am writing this; that’s just how I am feeling today.  I think this is going to be my last week of Medifast, regardless.

The scale did move down a little this morning.  Hopefully that trend will continue through weigh-in on Saturday.  But regardless of whether I reach 250 Saturday, I am going to do something other than Medifast.  I don’t want to buy any more food.  I may do a lower calorie alternative next week, but I may just go on to Weight Watchers (this is the mostly likely).  I have achieved my objective in doing Medifast, which was to lose enough to decrease my pain level so I would be able to do more exercise when I started Weight Watchers.  I have done that.  I hope I reach the 250 goal this week, though.  My reward still depends on my reaching that goal.

Next week there will be no excuses for not getting more intense workouts, and beginning strength training – other than my work schedule leading up to this trial; but no excuses for not doing a more intense morning workout, anyway.  I want to start doing 30-minute workouts Monday.  I need to get my butt out of bed early enough to do that.  Of course, part of the reason I am tired is because of not eating as much.  But there will still be that urge to want to sleep later that I will have to resist.  I need to get me an alternate alarm set if I leave my phone at work.  I seem to be doing stupid stuff like that a lot lately.

Okay, I have 3 more days of Medifast; I can do this.  As much as I don’t want to, I can.  So time to go drink my delicious Strawberry Shake.  J  It makes me very happy that I only have to drink one more of those nasty things after this one.  I will do an alternative meal on the other day, since I was one short.

I need to get a short strength training routine mapped out for beginning next Monday.  I probably will do one exercise for each muscle group to begin with, so if something sets off a flare-up, I will know which exercise caused it.  Then I can add one more each week.

There have been several times since I started Medifast that Jerry has offered to buy me lunch when I was going to get lunch for him and/or others, and I keep having to turn him down.  Starting next week, I will be able to accept.  Lol.  He always goes to Potbelly, and I could get any number of things there for a reasonable points value.  I hate to keep turning down free food, lol!

I am starting to feel some twinges in both knees.  These twinges are the knee problems themselves, not radiating pain from my back.  I am very happy about that.  No one expects weight loss to help my knee problems to the point where the pain would go away.  My left knee is bone on bone because the cartilage has worn away from a previous injury, and the right knee pain is from bone spurs building up under the knee cap because of arthritis.  I am still not having significant trouble with radiating pain.  Sometimes I feel some down in my ankle or right above that in my calf, but nothing like I was before.  The injections in the knees obviously helped both problems and I will keep getting them as long as they help, but I think the improvement in the radiating pain is mostly because of the weight loss and it should get better as I lose more.  I pray it does all that it needs to do so I never need back surgery.

I think between now and Sunday (I will do Saturday as I have been, keeping care to not go over my daily WW points allowance – which is now 35 – and my weekly points allowance – which is 49) I will map out my meals for the entire week and prepare everything possible ahead of time.  I need to keep in mind that if I get in a time crunch, I just need to do Subway.  It is always there, right on the corner on my way to work, and time constraints need never throw me off.  I can also do the salad I like at Potbelly (I need to look up how many points that one adds up to, plus that in the dressing I will use, so I will always know how to count that and make it fit in with my daily plan, when necessary).  I like the sandwiches at Subway better than Potbelly (there is a lot more choice of veggies, etc.), but I could have one at Potbelly too, if necessary.  Of course, fruit will always be a part of the plan, and I think I will buy a few of the zero points soups from Progresso to have on hand when I need something to go with a sandwich in a pinch.  I do best when I have things all mapped out for me so I don’t have to give much thought, in the moment, of what I am going to eat.

Although not extremely hungry, my appetite has been dissatisfied all day.  I guess that is not to be unexpected on a program like this.  I think I am so close to the end of it that I am growing less patient.  I have to keep my eye on the prize.  I certainly do not want to screw up my weigh-in Saturday by going off-plan now.  I will feel better after having my dinner.  It always tastes good to me.

I have been having an increased side effect from my pain medication.  I am having “hot flashes” regularly from it.  I might have thought this was menopause, but I am through that, I think, and my friend, who also has to be on the same pain medication, has the same thing.  I am going to be ready to start weaning myself off of them in the not-too-distant future if pain levels stay down.  I am still having a lot more headaches than I am comfortable with, but chronic headaches sometimes can be the result of rebounding on the pain medication.  I want to get myself firmly established on Weight Watchers and able to do good workouts (and not preparing for a big trial, so I have plenty of time to work out, when necessary) before I start doing that in earnest.  But I want to get free from them.

I got off on time and decided to have my dinner before going to walk.  So I put my broccoli in the oven to roast (chicken was already made).  I noticed from a sign in the elevator that they were having a tenant get-together on the patio.  I took Cas up there to use the “green” provided for dogs.  Cassie still won’t go near that thing.  They were serving burgers and brats and beer.  I felt funny going because I couldn’t eat anything and I didn’t want to have to explain why I was there, but not eating.  I will go to the next one when I can work things into my plan.  I do want to start meeting some people.  There wasn’t a huge crowd, but there were a few people (maybe 15 or 20) there.  I went back up and was so hungry, I went ahead and ate my chicken, even though my broccoli wasn’t done yet.  I got my shoes on to get ready to walk and then ate my broccoli.  I went to walk Cas and then sat down for a little TV.  I did not use my fat “allowances” with my meal, so I ate a couple of teaspoons of peanut butter for that (same calories).  I was craving carbs and feeling a little weak (as in motivation).  I knew I had the Food Should Taste Good sweet potato chips, so I told myself I could have 5 of them and no more.  And that’s what I did.  I was thinking about not doing my workout this morning and working up my resolve to do one tonight.  I did get up and do a 20-minute workout (which is what I am doing in the morning right now).  I thought I might have a little more energy in the evening, since I had just eaten a little more substantial meal, but I felt less energetic.  I guess working all day first makes a difference.  But I did it.  So I felt good about that.

I am enjoying watching my dog and cat interact.  They have been chasing each other, and wrestling at times, all evening.  Good – keeps Cas entertained, which is what I wanted.  The kitty seems to enjoy it too.  It’s hilarious.  Hopefully they will both sleep good tonight!

Well, this post is long enough, so I will close.  I should get to bed early tonight and see if I can get my butt up when I am supposed to in the morning.