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Wednesday, February 13, 2013

What Reward? and a Stumble

Tuesday

I went to the doctor and got injections in both knees, so hopefully I will have a lot less pain for a month or three.  I can get them every three months as long as they are helping.  I asked him if they help radiating pain and he said sometimes, so we can hope!  I also asked him if I will ever be able to run.  He said it was possible!  “Probably not 20 miles, but maybe 2 miles.”  I will settle for being able to run a 5k someday.  But if I have to have a knee replacement at some point, then I would not be able to run.  Of course there has to be a lot more pounds lost and a lot of improvement in my back before I can ever think about running, but I can hope!  You don’t often see a fat runner!  That’s my philosophy.  And if you do, I would venture to guess they either don’t stay fat or they don’t keep running!

My boss had told me some months back that I might be able to run because when you carry a lot of weight, you build up a lot of muscle.  That muscle has been working hard to protect your joints from the added stress of the extra weight.  So when you lose weight, that muscle is still there and it still works to protect the joint.  (Of course, you would eventually lose some of the muscle if you didn’t use it.)  Anyway, maybe I will at least be able to run 5ks, but not if I have a knee replacement.  It is true, I do have very strong legs.  I can leave some very athletic-looking women in the dust on leg presses.

Food was good yesterday (and I don’t mean tasted good, lol). I got hungry, but stayed on track. I just drank down water and that helped. I brought some baby carrots with me today, as well as some clementines. I don’t want to do the clementines all the time, but eating that would be better than going off plan by eating junk that is available around here. Someone brought cupcakes today. I will be staying away from those.
 
Walked into the break room to this.

Drank down a couple of these instead.
I got home and took a longish walk last evening.  I had checked the readout from my armband and it said I had 5,300 steps before the walk.  But I forgot to put it back on until this morning, so I don’t know how I did.

I have been thinking about a reward for when I reach 250.  I want to get a haircut and highlight, but I need that anyway and don’t know if I should use it as a reward.  But I am planning on a certain cut and the highlight with it will be special and I think it might be just the thing for reaching the goal.  I also think I will get a pedicure, which I haven’t had in quite a while.  My money has been taken up helping my kids, but this paycheck should be “my own.”  I have a little debt to pay off, but at least I don’t have to pay any of their bills.  It will feel more “all mine.”  The front of my hair needs to grow a little more for the cut I want, so the timing should be pretty good when I get to 250.  I saw Candace Cameron Bure in a movie the other day, and the way she had her hair is what I want.
 

 
This is actually the haircut I intended last time, but not what I got (although I like what I got).  It will be kind of a fresh new me to go along with the weight loss.  My gray is beginning to show a little more, although being a blond, it doesn’t show as bad on me.  I can see it, though.
This is what I wound up with last time.
I think my oldest daughter might go to WW with me when I transition over.  I hope so.  I think it is a good workable program to build a lifestyle, and that is what we need.  She has so many health struggles, and I know losing weight would help a lot.  She is trying, but struggles with motivation at times, and struggles with physical limitations.  If I had it to do over again, I don’t know if I would have said “go ahead” on the first foot surgery she had.  Yes, she was having some pain, but I don’t think it was worth all she has been through, and now she has pain all the time.  But hindsight is 20/20.  The big problems were caused when the wound got infected and damaged the nerve.

One thing I am so glad I did not do is have gastric bypass surgery.  I pursued it at one point, but my insurance just would not pay for it.  My friend at work had it (she is still paying for it), and now is having gastric issues she will probably have to live with the rest of her life.  She says, if she had it to do over again, “she would have gotten off her fat a$$ (her words) and exercised” instead of having the surgery.  When I was pursuing it, I weighed 323 and I felt so helpless.  But I started going to the gym and lost a good bit, and although I gained some back, at times, I still am working at it and believe I will get there someday.  I refuse to give up.  There is no quick fix.  I think if I am given the chance to focus on me for a change, I can do what it takes to get the job done.  I just have to demand the opportunity to focus on me, when necessary.  But with the problems she is having and the problems my daughter has had with scar tissue after abdominal surgery, I don’t ever want any kind of abdominal surgery, if I can get by without it.

I may have said this yesterday, but after I give the injections in my knees a couple of days to have their effect, I think I will try doing the Leslie Sansone video again, but I will leave off the knee lifts and do one of the other steps in their place.  Even if I just walk in place and do the arm movements, that will be a good way to get exercise when I can’t get outside.  Like today, it is cold and raining and a walk would not be pleasant.  And sometimes you would just rather stay in your house and get your workout done.  With that and the recumbent bike, which will hopefully be fixed this Saturday, I can get a workout done at most any time.

My foot thing is bothering me quite a bit today.  If this keeps up, I will need to get in injection in it too.  If you don’t remember, I am having pain shooting up the back of my heel, which I believe is caused from walking barefoot on the concrete floors at my loft.  I am trying to not take any steps without supportive shoes.  Sometimes, when getting undressed, I even take my foot out of my shoe, take my leg out of my pants, and put my foot right back into the shoe.  But other times I will walk from one room to the other without any.  No more!!!  I remembered that I have some anti-inflammatory surface patches to put on it and that will probably help.  I will try that, as well as taking Advil for a week or two, plus wearing supportive shoes at all times.  It is quite painful when it happens, but thankfully it doesn’t happen all the time.  I add some extra arch support to my shoes I wear to work, when possible.  I need to see if I can get some that will work with open-toed shoes, for when I wear those.  I need to “stay” healthy, so I need to take all precautions necessary.  The knee doctor told me the elliptical would be good for me, as well as bike riding.  I can do the elliptical at the fitness center at my lofts.  The reason I do the walking a lot of the time is because my dog needs to be walked and so I can combine the two.  But if walking bothers me too much, I may have to pay someone to walk my dog and do something with less impact until I get better.

Wednesday

That is how far I got on my post yesterday.  I worked late, and although got really hungry, was feeling okay.  I switched my evening snack and my dinner so I wouldn't get home and be out of control.

When I did get home, I was feeling pretty hungry.  I got my dinner in the oven and it was tough waiting on it.  I had a little bit of peanut butter off a spoon.  When I got done with my dinner, I don't know what came over me.  I felt almost frantic.  I have two explanations for it, other than I just lost it.  My pain levels after the injection yesterday were pretty good and so I had not taken any medication.  Looking back, I felt like I did when I was going through withdrawal.  So, I probably waited long enough between doses to let withdrawal kick in.  Also, the injection yesterday was a steroid, so that probably had something to do with it too.  Anyway, I binged.  It had nothing to do with the pizza, in case you are wondering.  Usually when I binge, I binge on sweets.  That's how it was last night too.  It doesn't help that I have a CVS just steps from my door.  I made myself feel sick, I ate so much.

So, what do I do today?  I get up and go on just like nothing happened.  It probably won't be the last time it ever happens.  The bad thing is if I don't learn from it.  I still don't have a good contingency plan in place for when I have to work late.  I did have some baby carrots here and some clementines.  I did eat some baby carrots before leaving work.  Honestly, when I left work, I did not feel out of control.  I had no idea that was going to happen.  It wasn't like I was fighting it off all day.  Honestly, I felt strong through most of the day.  That's why I think it was probably a withdrawal thing or the steroid injection.  I just have to be ready for that.  If it has been more than 12 hours without a dose of medicine, I need to take a half dose just to ward off withdrawal symptoms.  As I have shared in other posts, withdrawal will need to be slow if I don't want to gain 40 pounds like I did last time.  It makes me want to eat everything in sight, especially sweets.  If it was the steroid injection, I just need to be mindful of it next time I have one and be prepared for those feelings.  I can overcome them, even though it makes it rough.

So, I don't know how that will affect my weight loss this week.  I hate that I did it, but that's life.  It happens.  If this began to happen more often, I would think it was time to transition to something less restrictive.  But I honestly think it was other things that caused it.  I almost forgot to eat this morning.  Definitely was not hungry.  But I want to get right back on track, so had my Medifast Spiced Pancake.

I don't know if I will get to go home for lunch and walk today.  Cas needs some walking.  But my boss has a tendency to come in right around Noon and be ready to work, when I have been here since 8:30 and am ready for lunch.  I do know he has to leave at 4:00 today, so I should not have to work late.  I will walk then, for sure.  It is pretty nippy this morning (about 40 degrees), but I think is supposed to get up in the high 50s this afternoon.

I do feel generally blah today.  Like I just don't know what I want.  I didn't want to go to work, but I didn't particularly want to stay home either.  It will pass.  I tried to pull up an anchor to think about and motivate me and that helped.

So, back to work.

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