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Friday, February 15, 2013

Today is a Struggle!

I really have the blahs this morning.  I don’t feel bad, I don’t feel sad and I don’t feel upset about anything.  Just blah.  I would have liked to step out of the rat race for the day.  But, I cannot.  And it’s payday anyway.  You have to go to work on payday.  Wish I had direct deposit, but my firm doesn’t do that.

I am really hungry this morning.  That’s probably part of the problem.  I ate four baby carrots before taking Cas to walk, just to get a little something in my tummy.  I was still really hungry, so ate a clementine with my Medifast pancake.  If I am going to deviate from the program because of hunger, I think this is the best way to do it.  I don’t feel tempted – like I am having cravings – I am just hungry.  The scale was down a little more this morning, though.  J  As the morning progressed, at about 11:00, even though I had my mid-morning snack at about 9:30, I was REALLY HUNGRY.  I was beginning to entertain thoughts about what to do about it.  I don’t know if my body is telling me, “I really need something more to eat,” or if I am at that place where if I stay the course, a good amount of progress can be made for staying with the plan.  I would like to think it was the last thought.  I had thoughts of having another crunch bar – not such a bad thing, it is only 110 calories, but I would run short later if I did that.  I finally went and got some baby carrots out of the fridge and decided to eat those.  My hope is that when I have my shake at lunch, that will nip this in the bud and I will have no problem continuing through the day on plan.  I plan to continue through the day on plan, I just hope I am not this hungry all day.  I can stand to be hungry, but I don’t think I could stand this all day.  Whatever I do, I want to make wise choices, not go off and eat something totally off plan because I am this hungry.

I did 10 minutes of the Leslie Sansone video last night.  I was thinking the one I was doing was the Weight Loss Walk, but the one I had in the machine was the Muscle Mile.  She uses some light weights in the hands for part of it.  I felt like I could have kept going, endurance-wise, but I wanted to be wise and not stir up anything.  I did not do any knee lifts (just did kicks instead).  I felt fine.  The only twinge I had was when I stopped and turned to sit down, I felt a little twinge in my knee.  But only a twinge and it did not come back.  I did as much of the arm movements as I could (which was most of them), but did not use any weights yet.  Again, I want to be wise.  I will keep doing this.  The video only lasted 5 more minutes before cool-down, so if I do it once or twice more without any twinges, I will go ahead and do the whole thing.  But I will have to watch it on some of the cool-down stuff.  She does some mini-squats, and my knees do not take those well.  Although I think it is probably the radiating pain I am feeling when I do stuff  like that, so I guess it affects my back more than knees.  I hate that I have to baby my body so much.  I am having to start at such a lower level than I used to because of these things.

I checked my steps on my armband readout when I got home from work last night.  I believe I had something like 7,700 (my target right now is 8,000).  Not bad!  I forgot to put it back on when I took Cas for a short walk, but did put it back on for the Leslie Sansone video.  I came out at around 9,200, so I probably was in the 9,800 range total.  Pretty good!  I found some new features on the readouts I didn’t know about.  Graphs on how your activity looks through the day, etc.  It was pretty much what I expected.  It had graphs on my sleep activity too.  It showed when I was just lying down vs. when I was actually asleep.  It wasn’t too bad.  I would have a few minutes here and there during the night where it showed I was lying down but not asleep, but not more than five or six minutes at a time.  There were some blank times when I guess it was not picking up activity (maybe I was in a position that made it not be able to read anything).  There was one night a week or so ago that had been a rough night for me.  I had quite a bit of interrupted sleep, and when I saw how many minutes it said I slept (56 for the whole night), I thought, I knew I had a bad night, but I didn’t think it was this bad.  Turns out, it had a long period it wasn’t reading anything.  I guess the fact that it shows I am getting sleep is good.  I had a sleep study some years ago (when I was trying to get approved for gastric bypass) and, although, I didn’t have much of any periods where I stopped breathing, it did show that I got very little deep REM sleep.  Hopefully that is improved since I am about 60 pounds lighter now than I was then.  Anyway, the information this armband provides is pretty interesting.  Here are some pictures of the information my armband recorded.  Not a bad day.



Remember, this left off one walk (although it doesn't look like it).  I took my armband off and forgot to put it back on.  The tallest spike of calorie burning was when I was doing the Leslie Sansone video.

I went to lunch and I still am really struggling.  I didn’t walk my dog like I usually do.  It’s kind of cold and breezy and I just didn’t do it.  It wasn’t the exercise so much as getting outside.  While home I decided to make me some cooked vegetables to see if the warm food would help.  I had a few roasted Brussels sprouts and some steamed baby carrots.  I also had my Medifast strawberry shake.  My tummy is pretty full, but I do not feel satisfied.  The thing that is holding me together is knowing that tomorrow is weigh-in day.  I really want to get through this without falling apart.  I am drinking a SF Red Bull, hoping it will give me a pick-me-up.  Plus I like the way they taste, so maybe it will help with my satisfaction.  I thought about buying an individual piece of candy – something that is just a bite or two – to see if that would help.  But I am afraid that would just set me off, so I have not done that.  I did eat a few peanuts out of a coworkers jar and I ended up eating my afternoon snack (the planned one) early.  It was a crunch bar and I think that helped.  I felt better after that.  Hopefully I can make it through the rest of the day with no problem.

I am considering making tomorrow an off day instead of just an off meal, with the proviso that it is not a license to eat as much as I want to.  Just a normal WW day, using a few extra points.  I don’t have any huge cravings.  I just want a “normal” day.  But it will depend on how in control I feel tomorrow.  And I may wake up more motivated and ready to just do the day like I have been doing, with one meal off.  I just don’t want my hunger to build too much, or I will slip up the middle of next week.

I will update this post later and confirm that I made it through without any further slip-ups.  Have to stay accountable!


Update:

Well, I’ve made it through mostly on plan.  I did get into the Kashi GoLean Crisp and ate about a cup of it.  My body feels like it’s crying out for carbs.  The only thing that kept me going was that tomorrow is weigh-in.  This was rough!

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