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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

The Goal: To Become an Athlete

Goodness, working out is a challenge when eating this many (few) calories.  I got up today and debated a while whether to take Cas on his regular walk.  The temperature was in the 30s with a wind of about 20 mph.  I finally decided to try.  It was okay as long as I was in the shelter of the tall buildings.  When I crossed the street, it was another story.  I walked to the park we usually go to, but did not walk through it.  At least Cas got outside for a few minutes.  Then I came home and got on my recumbent bike.  I wanted to do the 20-minute beginner hills workout.  It was challenging in the middle of it, but I got it done with a couple of few-second breathers.  I worked up a good sweat, anyway, and continued to develop my habit of getting a morning workout.  It feels good to know that even if I can’t go to lunch and walk, or the weather is bad, I still got that workout in.  That doesn’t help Cas, but I got mine done.

I took your encouragement from your last comment, Michelle, and used it last night.  I spent a good 45 minutes picking up around the loft and organizing things, putting the clutter where it belongs.  It felt good to go to bed with most of the house tidy.  My son must have noticed because he fixed himself a meal when he got home (after I was in bed) and cleaned up after himself.  I guess we lead by example (although I usually do put up my meal preparation stuff).  I just might not get the dishes in the dishwasher, but I did last night.  I think this is important because it is behavior I associate with the me I don’t like very much.  Kind of the “fat slob” mentality.  I am worthy to have a lovely, clean home.  I haven’t always felt that way (although it was more of an unconscious thing than anything).  As soon as I get more caught up with things financially, especially if I am working a lot of hours, I am going to have someone come in twice a month and clean.  I have never had that luxury, although I have been working full time plus some for many years.

I was reading Lori’s blog today.  I am still in the part where she hurt her back in 2010.  Some of the symptoms she describes are so familiar-sounding.  She talked about a “tightness” in her thighs.  Yep, sometimes it felt like it took extra effort to make them move like they were supposed to (notice I said “felt”).  I don’t know, I guess it’s nice to know that a lot of my symptoms are not unique to me.  Trouble is, I have been dealing with them for two years (some of them longer than that).  But I am feeling so much better!

I was feeling a little fear today, for lack of a better way to say it.  If things keep progressing as they are now, soon I will have no excuse not to do some of the workouts I read about on other people’s blogs.  Up to now, a lot of it has been out of the question.  But I am quite amazed at how much better I am feeling.  I know I have said this before, but it is so AWESOME to be able to stand up after sitting a while and not have to wait while the pain is washing over me, and sometimes gasping because of it.  I stand up now and – nothing.  No pain.  I have other symptoms, at times, but things have really improved since I started Medifast.  Although it scares me not to have any valid excuses, I know, deep down, I want to be able to do those things I am fearing right now.  I have always not only wanted to be slim, but I have wanted to look like an athlete – to BE an athlete.  I had this gym teacher in elementary school who, because I was chubby, always kind of made fun of me and made me feel like I would never be good at any kind of sports or physical activity, so I quit trying.  He also allowed other kids to bully kids like me and would kind of laugh at you if you ever said anything about it.  (Interestingly, his name was Mr. Bigham, and he was about as big around as he was tall.)  Maybe if I had been encouraged to try, heard “you can do it,” things would have been different for me.  I found out later I was actually a fairly good athlete, considering my size.  I was good at softball – once I finally was given a chance to prove what I could do (I also had softball coaches who assumed that because I was chubby, I wouldn’t be any good at it), I never sat on the bench again.  In high school, although I didn’t play on the team, I found out in gym class that I was a pretty good volleyball player.  The teachers would put together a match of the girls’ PE class against the boys’ PE class.  Most of the girls chosen to be in that match were actually on the high school volleyball team, but I also was one of them.  I took summer tennis lessons at a summer recreation program and the instructor (who happened to be the high school tennis coach) asked me to be on the tennis team.  I didn’t because you couldn’t do music and sports easily at our school, and I excelled at singing.  But just to be asked tells me he recognized something.  I played recreational sports after high school (coed) and there were usually two girls on the team (either volleyball or softball) who played all the time and the rest of the girls rotated in and out.  I was always one of the two who played all the time.  So I know I have it in me.  I wish I knew then what I know now.  But, as soon as I am able, I am going to start living the life I want in this respect and part of that is being an athlete.  I won’t be able to do everything I want to (I suppose, but maybe!), but there will be a lot I can do.

Once I get into working out, I actually get kind of addicted to it.  At one point in 2009, I was sometimes doing three workouts a day (maybe a little much, but it illustrates my point).  One reason I like working out more is you can eat more.  Lol.  But when I was working out a lot, a piece of candy from the candy bowl at work here, and a snack there, didn’t hurt because I was burning it off.  I want to be able to have those little splurges every once in a while.  I feel like getting on the recumbent bike this week is just the beginning.  I am on my way.

I took a picture of my dinner, but for some reason the option to send it to my computer is not showing.  Anyway, I had baked tilapia with some homemade tartar sauce made from Miracle Whip Light, some minced onion and a little sweet relish.  I only put about a half-tablespoon on each fillet.  Besides salt and pepper, I have been sprinkling the fillets with smoked paprika.  I also had roasted Brussels sprouts.  I just cut them in half and sprayed them with non-stick spray and sprinkled salt and pepper on them and roasted them while the fish was cooking.  After cooking, I also sprinkled less than a teaspoon of “real bacon bits” on them.  The label said a tablespoon had 25 calories, so I added 8 calories, at the most, but it added a lot of flavor.  Probably not Medifast sanctioned, but it was only 8 calories.  I have to say, this meal tasted so much better to me than anything I ate on Saturday, my off day.  Food tastes so much better when you are really hungry.  And I used to not like most fish unless it was fried.  This tilapia doesn’t taste the least bit fishy.  Yum-o!

My new MF order came in, so I have all I need to make it through the next 3 weeks (of Medifast foods).  Except for the shakes, which are not too bad, the rest of the food is actually something I want to eat when the time comes.

Okay, time to get some chores done.  Night all.

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