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Sunday, January 13, 2013

This Is Not Going to Be Easy

Saturday Night

Day 1 was a little tough, in some ways, but okay in others.  The food was, well, pretty yucky.  The only thing that was halfway good was the snack bar.  I can eat that without dread.  For breakfast, I had “Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal.”  Yuck.  Next time I will add some Stevia, a little salt and some cinnamon.  For lunch, I had a vanilla shake.  I added a little Stevia and a dash of vanilla, but it didn’t help much.  Next time I will add a full package of Stevia.  Also, the ice I put in it was not fully crushed, so it had hard little pieces of ice in it.  I bought me some crushed ice from Sonic for next time, and I will blend it longer.  My afternoon snack was the snack bar.  It was decent.  For dinner, I had a strawberry shake.  I added a full package of Stevia to it and I added a few frozen cherries instead of ice.  It was pretty decent.  The only thing about it is the aftertaste and texture, but I can deal with that.  My evening snack was a brownie.  You mix it up and cook it in the microwave or the oven (I did mine in the microwave).  It was barely tolerable.  Maybe a touch of Stevia would help it too.  The texture was not too bad, but all the foods have that texture that is not great.  It also coats your teeth.  Yuck.

I wanted to take a nap today, both because I was sleepy and to get away from my cravings.  I did not because I am having a flea problem in my apartment (they came with me from the house), and I had to get out of the apartment with Cassie for a few hours to bomb the place.  Also, my daughter was over a large part of the day with her dogs and it is just too hard to get up and do anything with them around (the dogs, I mean).  I told her I would prefer she not bring them tomorrow, if she comes.  It’s just too wild around here with the three dogs all the time and it makes me not want to get up and do anything.  But I have to fight that when they do come.  Next time I should just get out and do what I want to do and get away from them.

The weather was not very cooperative today either.  It was rainy and a cold front was blowing in, so the temperature was dropping as the day wore on and it was windy.  Not great for walks and bike rides.  So I didn’t do that.  I did get out and do a short bit of shopping.

My day was successful in that I ate what I was supposed to.  I did not drink as much water as I should have, but a lot more than I have been.  I will work on that more.  I drank water when my tummy was feeling hungry and it helped.

I hope to lose a good enough amount of weight in the next 30 days so that that is all I need to do of this.  I will choose some different things in my order next time to see if some other foods are more inviting.  I am determined to do this, even if the food is not very good.  It is only temporary and I am so ready to feel better.

I found out today that a friend who had breast cancer a few years ago (and has been in remission since) now has had the cancer come back, this time in her bones.  That is so disconcerting.  I admit I had a very negative reaction to it.  But I know God is a healing God and I will pray for her daily that God heals her.

That got me to thinking that, although my life is filled with a lot of physical pain, at least I do not have a life-threatening illness at this point and I can be thankful for that.  I will rest a little easier after the mammogram results come back.  I truly expect it to be okay, but my friend’s news was sobering.

I watched the first episode of The Biggest Loser on DVR today.  Jillian seems harsh, but I know her motive is to help and to help people learn they can do so much more than they think they can do.  And she talked to them about not looking at themselves as a victim.  I feel like I do that too much because of my physical issues.  It makes me wonder if I am making too many excuses about exercise.  I know I am making some.  At the same time, I know if I “pushed through” like they make them do, I would not be able to walk the next day and the following 2-3 weeks afterwards.  I will keep watching and hopefully my motivation will begin to grow so that I begin to push myself in the right kind of way.  For instance, I could do a long workout on the recumbent bike and burn quite a number of calories and I am not doing that right now.  I have to get on a roll.  Chronic pain is so draining.  She also teaches them to never quit.  I think that is what is important for me in my current situation.

I picked up my renewed prescription today and the doctor had reduced my medication from one every six hours to three a day.  That means I am going to have to either skip a dose I otherwise would have had, or go longer between doses.  I was a little worried about that, but then I got to thinking that in a couple of weeks, if I keep doing what I did today, I should be feeling better and that should not be a problem.  I usually take a dose at 4 in the morning so it has had time to kick in by the time I get up in the morning (to help when I walk my dog).  Then I take another one late morning, especially if I am going to walk home at lunch and walk my dog, because I am in pain.  I have been skipping my afternoon dose, unless I have to work really late.  But I confess I have been taking that afternoon dose with my night-time dose (so it is doubled) so that I have a period more free of pain when I am trying to go to sleep.  I will have to stop doing that.  And I will have to begin timing my doses for when I want to exercise.  That is when I need it the most.

It is time to get going in earnest on the weight loss, since that is likely what will help my pain issues more than anything.  No more goofing around.  So day 1 is under my belt.  I am going to go to bed now.  If I let myself, I could entertain some cravings, and that would not be good.


I woke up with my back and knee hurting a lot.  The knee hurt a lot through the night again.  I don’t know what’s up with that.  I will just have to push through.

I had my gruel for breakfast (Maple Brown Sugar Oatmeal).  It was bad.  It had a bitter aftertaste.  But I ate it, keeping in mind it is just to fill my tummy (which it does), this is only temporary and this is just to get me moving.  Oatmeal will definitely not be a part of my next order.

I weighed this morning and the scale said 283.8.  That is down 2.6 pounds in one day.  Of course, that is water.  I was in the restroom constantly yesterday and that always happens at the beginning of a weight loss program.

Lunch was a chocolate shake.  It was on the yucky side of okay.  I’m not big on chocolate shakes anyway.  Afternoon snack was a snack bar.  It was decent.  It is now 5:51 p.m. and I am supposed to have my dinner at about 6:00, which is another shake (vanilla).  Yuck.  I decided this time that instead of trying to make it into something I might enjoy (which I probably never will), I would just shake it up with water and slug it down.  That’s what I did and I think I do that easier than the other.  Then I ate a few frozen cherries (that I would have put in the shake) to kind of cleanse the taste out of my mouth.  I will probably do this (shake it up and drink it down fast) from here on out.

I will not be having shakes for lunch and dinner every meal.  I elected to do this on weekends when it is more convenient to use my blender than on a weekday lunch.  I will use the soup for as many weekday lunches as I can.  However, now that I decided to do them without the blender, that really doesn’t matter.  I hope the soup is not horrible.  You can’t slug down a bowl of hot soup.  If I continue this past this two-week supply I have, I may order mostly snack bars.  I can face them better than the other stuff.  I just have to tell myself that for this period of time, I am just filling my tummy.  I can enjoy taste again on my off-day and when I go back to Weight Watchers.  I still want to get the first pounds off quickly so my pain level improves.

I am feeling slightly nauseous and have a weird headache this evening.  I feel sure it is the stuff my body is sloughing off from the change in eating.  I rarely ever get nauseous.

Tonight I am thinking about how much better it is going to feel to have my clothes fitting better and to be losing weight again.  I need to focus on that to keep me going.  This month is not going to be easy.

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