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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

This is Difficult, But Still Going


Tuesday Night

It was tough tonight. It wasn't cravings. I was HUNGRY. So I decided to have a piece of fish and some vegetables. That is how the Medifast plan works. You have 5 Medifast meals and one "Lean and Green" meal a day. I still want to do it the other way as much as possible to maximize my weight loss (remember, this is temporary), but if I am going to vary from that, I think this was the way to do it. I said on FB I was feeling strangely discontent tonight. I think the real thing was I was hungry. Like to the point of being weak. So I feel okay about doing that tonight. Tomorrow I plan to go back to the 5 Medifast meals until Saturday, when I will have my day off.

I was doing some looking online today for meals that might compare with Medifast meals. South Beach bars were listed. And they would cost much less than Medifast. I think I will try one box and see if they are any better.

I had a shake for dinner, but just shook up the powder with water instead of trying to use ice, etc. I just drink it down without taking a breath and it isn't so bad that way. And it is pretty filling. I just was so hungry from earlier in the day, it wasn't enough tonight. One thing that might have caused the hunger is that I didn't want my chicken noodle soup, so I ate a snack bar for lunch instead. Then I had a snack bar in the afternoon (which is what I was "scheduled" to have). That may be why I got so hungry.

I also read today about some "recipes" with the Medifast powders. For instance, you can make 2 oatmeal cookies from the Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal. You just add a pinch of baking soda and a little vanilla. It's got to be better than the oatmeal. I'm going to try that tomorrow morning. I want to try anything I can do to get through this successfully. By the way, the fish and vegetables tasted sooooo good. It's all a matter of perspective. Usually I don't like fish much, unless it is fried. But this tasted really good (it was tilapia). I could have it regularly.

Wednesday

I made the oatmeal cookies this morning.  They look better than they taste.  I added a packet of Stevia, some baking soda, cinnamon and a few craisins (this is “cheating” a little, but as few calories as I am eating, I do not think it will hurt and it made them more palatable).  The thing I forgot to add was a little salt.  They were okay.  Not good when compared with real oatmeal cookies, but much better than the “gruel” when you just eat the oatmeal.  Salt would have helped a little.  I will keep doing them this way.  You can also make a muffin from any of the oatmeal flavors.  That is what I will try with the Maple Brown Sugar flavor.

I was down a total of 7.8 pounds this morning.  I am so happy to be losing again.  It really boosts my motivation.  Sometimes it takes something “drastic” to get me going again.  Sometimes that is something that happens in my life, and sometimes it is doing something drastically different to shake me loose.  I will be happy to get into some clothes that have been just a little tighter than I like to wear.  This bit of weight I will lose on Medifast will get me back into a lot more of my clothes, so I am feeling good when I get going on WW again.

Unfortunately, the knee was a big problem again last night.  It kept me awake off and on all night.  I started out sleeping fairly “sitting up”, but I guess I slide down in the middle of the night.  And sometimes it hurt even when I was sitting up.  Trouble is, there is not much I can do about it other than what I am doing now – pain meds, anti-inflammatory and weight loss.  I have had injections in the past, and they didn’t do much good on the radiating pain.  Not worth the $1,000+ I would have to spend to get one.  I hope this situation improves as I lose and take more pressure off my back and knees.  Until then, I just have to live with it.

I had a vanilla “shake” for lunch and a snack bar for my snack.  I am hungry today, but not as much as yesterday.  I think I need to push the water some more.  I knew this would not be easy, though.

I know there are some naturally thin people that are really critical of overweight people.  My ex was one of them, although he wasn’t thin.  He couldn’t understand why you could not just use some will power and get the job done.  His mother (and maybe his father) were that way too.  But I also know quite a number of people who have been thin all their lives and when faced with the need to limit their food intake find it quite difficult.  I know quite a few who fall off the wagon in the first 2-3 days.  I have proved in my lifetime that I can follow a strict eating plan.  I even fasted 40 days one time and 30 days another (although I was not doing it for weight loss).  I stayed off of sweets for 3 years and have lost 70 pounds at least 3 times in my life.  I have proven I can do it – for a while.  My problem is keeping on doing it for a lifetime.  It requires so much focus for me.  I have never gotten to the place where I can not pay attention to what I am eating all the time without gaining weight.  I wonder if it is possible to so totally change your habits that, one day, you don’t really have to think about it.  That’s just the way you eat.  I have a feeling, for me, it is going to take ongoing diligence.  That is why I want exercise to become a big part of my routine.  I say that and I am not even doing it right now.  I need to get going on that.

I would like to qualify the preceding paragraph by saying that I know too strict of a “diet” is a lot of the problem.  I know I cannot do what I am doing right now long-term, and I don’t intend to.  It is just to get some weight off a little quicker so my pain level improves.  Then the “hard” part begins, learning to eat like I will eat for the rest of my life.  This time I am in it for the maintenance.  I don't want to lose 70 pounds (or hopefully, 140 pounds) and then gain it back again.  I need to find a new “normal” as far as eating and exercise, and it has to be one I can live with forever.  So that is my ultimate goal.

I feel quite tired this afternoon.  I think it is the restricted calories.  Thank goodness I do not have to stay late.  Tomorrow night may be another story, since it will be our last chance to get my boss off on a trip.  And the trip involves some important depositions that we have to have him prepared for.  I better bring stuff to help me make it through tomorrow night.

At least three more weeks of this looks like a daunting task, but at least I get a day off Saturday.  I really want to do this.

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