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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Hungry Today, But Still Going Strong

I made it through Day 3.  So far I am down 6.4 pounds.  The food is terrible, but I am determined.  However, there is one thing on the menu this evening that I don’t think I can stomach.  The Chocolate Mint Soft-Serve.  I think I am going to eat a container of Greek yogurt instead.  It has about the same amount of calories and has more protein, so I feel okay about that.  I wonder if the people who made this “food” ever tasted it?  How can they expect people to want to do this?  I guess it is for people like me who are determined and kind of desperate.  Funny how I am able to make the switch turn on to something drastic, when I was not able to for something that could actually be quite pleasant.  It is all in the mind.  At least I have Saturday (an off-day) to look forward to.

Thank God, the knee did not bother me last night.  I started out in the almost-sitting-up position and it didn’t hurt.  That bend in the back helps take pressure off the nerve.

My goal to end this current plan is to get to 250, which is 30 pounds away.  I don’t know if hoping to get to 250 at the end of 30 days is unattainable (probably is), but that is my hope.  I am also hopeful that at 250, I will feel a noticeable difference in my pain level.

The goal I will have my eyes on after I reach 250 is 215 – 35 pounds down.  The reason for that is this:  if the weight loss is not helping as much as I hope, I do think I will end up having back surgery.  I cannot live like this and I do not think any pain I might have from the back surgery could be worse than what I am dealing with right now.  My daughter had the kind of back surgery that is recommended for me, and her back is much, much better.  She deals with some pain, at times, and is restricted on things she can do because of it, but nothing like what I am dealing with on a daily basis.  The reason I picked 215 as my next goal, is that is what my daughter weighed at the time she had back surgery.  The doctor told me I had too much abdominal fat to be able to do the recommended surgery, so I figure if I get down to where my daughter was at the time, that will take care of that problem.

Of course, my hope is that when I get down to either of those weights, or anywhere in between, I will be feeling enough better that back surgery will not be necessary.  But if I am not, then I am going to want to do something about it.

My OT should cut down drastically after the middle of 2013, when our big case goes to trial.  Unless we have another one to replace it.  I want to be ready to deal with my back issues, if it is still necessary, by sometime shortly after that.  So I need to keep my weight going steadily down between now and then.  I know it is a lot of weight to lose, but it can be done.  I hope to be able to exercise a lot more vigorously after I get the next 30 pounds off.  I still won’t be able to run, but hopefully I can do power walking and possibly elliptical and, of course, the recumbent bike.  Another thing I am going to try soon is the rowing machine.  I am hoping I might be able to do that now, since it does not involve weight bearing.  I think we have one in our apartment fitness center.  I can also make use of the pool when warmer weather gets here.

In order to get to 215 by late summer, I need to stay focused.  I have to learn to stay focused even if difficult things are happening again.  For instance, if Stephanie should have another stay in the hospital, I need to use tools that will keep me on track.  (I got an e-mail from her while writing this, and she is still having worrying symptoms.)  I will use pre-prepared meals, if I have to.  If I am working OT, I need to have a plan in place.  I can use Subway and/or pre-prepared meals to make sure I have what I need on nights I work late.  I need to re-cultivate the early morning exercise habit.  If I get a good workout in before going to work, at least I have that much done if work intervenes and I am not able to do anything the rest of the day.

One of my goals this year is to be intentional about what I do.  I don’t want to be a victim of a candy bowl sitting in front of me, or an unexpected event.  WW will help a lot with that.  If I want candy, then I need to make a place for it in my WW plan.  But I would like to get away from eating candy, for the most part.  I would rather eat a dessert with a little more nutritional value than just empty calories.  Like a fruit dessert.

Another goal this year is to take a really good vacation.  I have already started a savings account into which I put all the money Jerry blesses me with here and there.  He will give me cash for staying late on a Friday night, or a little cash to do a personal task for him, etc., etc.  I would not be surprised if between that and the Christmas cash he gives me each year, it adds up to around $3,000.  My plan is also to take every bit of OT money over what I have budgeted and put it in savings for the vacation.  My sisters and I would possibly like to go to NYC.  They have both been there (I think), but I never have.  And I would like to have enough to be able to do a lot of neat things on my vacation.

Just got word that Stephanie got the job she was hoping for!  Now if her stomach will behave (which is still bothering her).  She doesn’t have to start work for 2 weeks, which I am kind of glad about.  If nothing happens with her stomach in the next 2 weeks, then I will feel better that an obstruction is not what this is about.  There will be lots of praying from this proud Mom.  This is a very good job, with good benefits, with opportunity to move up, etc.  And it will solve the insurance problem that will be presenting itself the end of April if she didn’t get a job with insurance.

I was hungry this afternoon.  At one point it hit me and I realized it was almost time for my “snack,” so I felt better after that.  I got hungry again late afternoon, but I realized it was 5:30, so almost time for dinner and I still had two meals left.  Hopefully I will do okay for the rest of the evening.  I am drinking down water to help.  I am so ready to get past these aches and pains that go along with the drastic change in diet.  My head hurts and I have body aches.  No fever, so I know it is not the flu, but it kind of feels like that (except not nearly as bad).

I want to apologize to you all that many times my blog probably has too much stuff not related to weight loss.  But often the struggles I am dealing with are very much related to weight loss.  I found myself “journaling” too much on FB, and I probably do it a little too much on my blog.  But I felt I needed an outlet. 

If I continue to feel as hungry as I have this afternoon, I may have to add something to the daily menu, but I want to keep it down to maximize weight loss, if I can.

Time to go home!

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