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Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Decision Made

Well, I finally made the decision to order some Medifast meals.  I need to get to feeling better so I feel like doing more to get my weight moving.  Right now I have just ordered two weeks’ worth to make sure I actually do what I am intending before expending too much money.

I am still struggling in many ways.  I have been doing pretty good about portion control overall, but sometimes what I am eating is definitely not the best choice.  I am tired and sleepy a lot of the time – largely because of medication – and that makes it hard to get really motivated.  Walking (for exercise) is still pretty difficult.  I try to get at least one walk a day in, for my dog’s sake.  The last two days it has been raining constantly, so that hasn’t helped.  Being tired also makes it difficult because I don’t have the energy after work to come home and cook a meal.  Sometimes my son does that for me, but he has been working “doubles” all this week, so has not had time to.  One day I had leftovers from what he had cooked the day before, but last night I just had cereal.

I think the Medifast will be good in one way, in that I won’t have to think about what to cook.  I am working enough hours where I need easy right now.

My daughter continues to have work troubles.  The mother of the kids she has been nannying called Monday morning and told her she had had a rather drastic cut in salary and could no longer afford Stephanie.  She was going to have to do something different for child care.  So Stephanie is out of a job again.  I seemed to take this more in stride than I have at times in the past few months.  For one thing, I felt like this family mistreated Stephanie – mother and kids – so I wasn’t sorry that she wouldn’t be working for them anymore.  Hopefully she will have another job in short order and there is no reason to panic.  She has been putting in multiple resumes and applications every day and has an interview scheduled for a position that sounds promising for what she needs.  So hopefully, there won’t be too much negative backlash from this.

My son is working again and is fast-tracking through training so he can get to the place where he is making a decent amount of money again.

My daughter is also having suspicious feelings in her stomach that make her worry she is working up to another obstruction.  If she has another one, I think it will be time for her to apply for disability because there is not much way she can keep a job if she is going into the hospital to have an obstruction cleared every few months.  Perhaps she could do something like contract work, but otherwise it would be difficult to hold on to a job.  If this is what is happening, I assume the reason is because Stephanie scars so heavily.  She always has.  Scar tissue is what caused the problem the other two times (except the second one occurred because they just didn’t get it fixed right the first time).  I pray that this is not what is happening and that Stephanie’s stomach is fine and she will have no further trouble.  It is just hard for her not to worry about it when she starts feeling this way.  She called and talked to me about it on two different nights, just as I was about to go to bed.  I had to tell her today that, if possible, she needs to talk to me about it some other time besides right before bed.  I go to bed worrying about it, which makes sleep difficult and problems always seem magnified in the middle of the night.  I am so tired of these medical issues, but I just have to take them as they come.  It is not like Stephanie is doing anything on purpose, and who else does she have to go to about it since her father chooses to be out of the picture?  I won’t follow that train of thought.

I so need my life to settle down and all these issues not keep presenting themselves.  But since they are, I just have to learn to function regardless of these difficult situations.  Life seems too hard sometimes, but thinking that way doesn’t help, so I just have to keep on being strong.

Another bit of news is that I felt a lump in my breast a few days ago.  I have not really been worried about it because I had a breast reduction a little less than 2 years ago and this is probably just scar tissue.  But I am having a mammogram just to make sure everything is okay.  Breast cancer does not run in my family, but I know that doesn’t always mean anything.  I feel sure it is scar tissue or something normal from the breast reduction (I have read about fat deposits).

Well, it’s time to go home, so guess I will.  Hopefully I will start having more positive stuff to report soon.  I am not sure how long it will take my order to get her – a few days, I would assume.

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