Search This Blog

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Have to Learn to Speak Up!


Last night was a rough one.  For my lower back, usually I only have trouble when I am on my feet.  Although there is occasionally some generalized pain when I am sitting, usually pain is not an issue until I get on my feet.  Yesterday, I started having more pain issues just sitting at my desk, and last night, I had a difficult time sleeping because of radiating pain.  It feels like something has gotten significantly worse.  You know how things always seem worse in the middle of the night.  Last night I got worried that I was going to be in that much pain all the time and there being nothing they could really do about it on a day-to-day basis.  Specifically, the pain shooting to my right knee, and sometimes into my right foot, was pretty bad.

Admittedly, I did not take any pain medication in the evening, but I usually don’t.  Usually once I lay down, I am okay.  I finally had to take some around midnight, but I still had a hard time sleeping.  Finally, around 5:30, I took my morning dose and arranged my pillows so I was almost sitting up and pillows under my knees and that seemed to take some pressure off of the nerve, and slept another 30 minutes after that.  I think I will start out that way tonight.

I had a good day as far as eating and exercise yesterday.  First, I stayed away from the candy bowl.  My meals were fairly healthy and I think where they needed to be calorie-wise.  I asked my son if on the nights he is home (while he is staying with me), he would cook dinner for us so that it was ready when I get home.  He cooked some tilapia (kind of pan-sautéed), brown rice and roasted squash.  It was very good!  I had some frozen (unsweetened) cherries for “dessert” and a few whole grain crackers (about 5) with a little Nutella spread on them.  Breakfast yesterday was some cereal with milk; lunch was a bacon and avocado sandwich on a multi-grain ciabatta roll and an apple.

So, not everything I ate yesterday was exactly “diet” food, but my portions were controlled and I think I can lose weight on that amount of food.  It is not that kind of eating that got me this big.  It was the out-of-control eating and being addicted to sweets so that one serving was never enough that got me here.

As far as exercise, I walked the dog 3 times yesterday and did 30 minutes on the recumbent bike.

For breakfast this morning, I had cereal with milk again.  For lunch, I had a ham sandwich and an orange.  I still need to stock up on some more veggies, although I do have some frozen ones.

I had a couple of “surprises” (not in a good way) this morning.  I am going to have to call a family meeting.  I won’t go into detail – I don’t like anyone to think badly of my kids.  But I really have no one to lean on if they are not going to be dependable, so I had better learn to speak up better where they are concerned.  It makes me feel very alone that I don’t really feel like there is anyone I can talk to about it.  Let’s just say I am feeling a little “pillaged” right now.  I just looked up the definition to that word, and I guess it is a little strong.  My kids are leaning on me a lot right now, but I have no one I can lean on.  The load feels too heavy.  Things are about to get better, but right now, I feel a little used and abused.  I really have to speak up because I don’t need to be under this much stress.  I told them I wanted to have a family meeting, so now I just need to stick to that and say what I need to say.  Nobody else is looking out for me, so if I don’t do it, things will go on as they are.

I am working late tonight, the first night this week.  Of course, I would rather go home, but I will be glad when my paycheck gets here.  Right now, I am alone and the candy bowl was staring me in the face.  I put it down off of my cubie's ledge onto her desk where I can’t see it.  I have no intention of eating any, but seeing it every time I get up doesn’t help.  Plus, when she gets here in the morning, it sends her a message (I told her before I moved it out of sight because it tempts me).  My friend at work, who also has big-time weight issues, plus other issues (she is the one who was in ICU recently and still has not returned to work) told her that when she got back, that thing needed to disappear.  She is much more outspoken than I am, plus she is a supervisor.  My cubie still seems to think we are kidding.  She just doesn’t understand that for people like us, that is a real problem.  It’s like offering champagne to an alcoholic all the time.  Seriously.

For dinner tonight, so far, I have eaten some peanut butter and crackers.  I had some whole grain crackers with me and some natural peanut butter, so I had a few of those.  My intent, when I get home, is just to eat a little fruit or something and let that be it.  That’s enough calories for today.  Maybe a little something else – some yogurt or something.

I just want to make sure I am doing what I need to do every day to get the weight off.  I did not walk my dog at Noon.  The reason I did not was I got busy this morning and did not take my medicine on time.  I remembered it when I was about to leave for lunch, but it had no time to take effect.  I just didn’t feel up to walking without the benefit of the pain medication.  Now I will not get to do it tonight either, but that is one reason I like to do the recumbent bike workout in the morning.  You never know when things will get in the way of getting your exercise, so if you get it done first thing in the morning, nothing can.  So today it will just be the 1 walk and the 30-minute workout on the recumbent bike.  At least I am doing something.

That’s it for today.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I welcome your comments and read every one! However, if you are trying to sell me or my readers something, your comment will be deleted posthaste. Thanks for reading my blog and I hope you receive encouragement from it. --Sheryl