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Thursday, October 18, 2012

Whatever I Did to Reap the Drama, I'M SORRY!!!

I have been having a rough go of it.  I cannot remember what I have posted and what I have not, so if I am repeating myself, I apologize.

I just can’t seem to get my eating on track.  I am having various stressors in my life, some worse than others.  I was already struggling, so anything added doesn’t help.  I know this is excuses, but this is “where I’m at.”

My step-mother passed away last Saturday.  I was not particularly close to her (my father died a couple of years ago) and she was ready to go, so it was not a grief-filled event for me, but it was something that happened and that took me out of my routine.  I had to make a trip to West Texas on Monday evening and Tuesday to go to her funeral and there was extra eating involved with that.  I didn’t really try to curb it, to tell you the truth.

I was back at work yesterday when I got a call at work from my son’s employer.  I had not talked to my son in a week or so, which is not unusual.  He is 27 and does not live with me.  His employer said he had not shown up to work since Saturday and they had decided he had just decided to quit, but then Jacob’s friends started calling and asking if he had been there because they did not know where he was and were worried about him.  I had tried to call Jacob Monday to tell him about my step-mother and could not reach him.  I was not extremely worried at first.  I figured he had gotten picked up on a warrant for a traffic ticket and was in jail somewhere.  This has happened before.  However, usually I will get a call about that almost immediately, and I had not.  When I got in touch with Nathan, his roommate (which took some doing, since I did not have any of his friends’ phone numbers) and he told me he was worried, I was a little bit more worried.  Saturday to Wednesday is a pretty good amount of time for no one to know where he is.  Nathan said Jacob has really been struggling with the death of his friend.  Chad was killed tragically in December and Jacob has had a really hard time with it.  I think he blames himself to a degree.  Nathan said Jacob has been drinking a lot, which he had also been doing off and on in the months preceding.  So I was beginning to get more worried.  We decided to file a missing persons report, and since the police wanted whoever filed it to be there in Arlington, Nathan filed it, getting information from me by text.  We put the word out on Facebook with all of Jacob’s friends.  Finally, my daughter got a text from a number she did not recognize, saying it was Jacob.  He said he was in Louisiana “visiting Chad” (that is where he is buried) and staying with a friend there.  I assume Jacob has walked away from his job, although I guess it is possible he talked to another manager and they had not communicated with each other.  I just don’t know.  They were concerned about him and knew it did not sound like him to just not show up.

Anyway, yesterday was a very volatile day and I was wiped out last night.  I did some stress eating all day.  I have not been overeating in volume today, but have not really curbed what I am eating.

Here is what I am thinking right now.  Until I can get my head together a little more, I think I am just going to try to step up my exercise a little more and minimize my damages until I get my head together a little bit.  My mind is just not in it right now.  I am not giving up, by any means.  I just recognize I am spinning my wheels right now.  Most days I am walking 2-3 times a day, depending on if I have to work late.  I will have my recumbent bike fixed soon and I have ordered my Electra Cruiser and it should be in sometime next week, so I can get in more exercise that way too.

When I try to make a grocery list, I cannot even think of what I want to eat.  Nothing sounds good right now, and when I cook something I think will be good, it doesn’t taste good.  I am going to try some of the recipes in my “Eat This, Not That” Cookbook.  I made the Macaroni & Cheese the other day and it is the one thing right now that sounds kind of good.  Maybe I can find some things that sound good and taste good to me, but are lightened up a little.

I kind of think if I let up on myself a little, my mind will clear.  There has just been too much to deal with lately.  I have had constant headaches, on top of all the other stressors in my life.  I just need “a break.”

I am very excited about getting my bicycle.  I was thinking late last week that maybe I just needed to go ahead and order it.  I had a little money put back (but not all of it), but kept putting off spending it “in case” I needed it.  I decided that day that if my boss gave me $100 that night (he often keeps me really late on Friday nights and will give me $100 for my troubles), I would order it.  Well, he gave me a special project to do at home last weekend and gave me $200!  So I felt like that was my answer.  That almost covered the entire cost of it, tax and all.  So I ordered my bike yesterday.  I meant to order it earlier, but then heard about my step-mother and that kind of got lost in the shuffle.  Plus I was waiting for payday.  Here is the bike I got.  I got the red one.  I also got a basket for it.  My plan is to run Cassie with it (I am getting a bike leash made for small dogs).  He will only be trotting and I will only run him long enough to get him a good little workout to tire him out some (he has too much energy staying in the apartment all day every day) and then I will put him in the basket when he is tired.  I have read up on it and as long as I follow the rules (don’t run him too hard, use the proper equipment, don’t do it when it is too hot, don’t do it in traffic), it is safe.  I will do it on Katy Trail, which is a walking/running/biking trail near downtown.  I can ride there on my bicycle and then run him a little, put him up in the basket, and ride home again.

I can also use the bicycle for going places downtown that are a little further to walk than I might want to.  I will have the basket to carry things, like if I go to Farmers Market or the butcher.  I could also use it to go to Uptown when I get in a little better shape.  I plan to fully embrace the urban lifestyle and walk and bike most everywhere that I can.  I am already doing that for the most part, but this will expand my horizons.

That’s it for today.  Just wanted to check in.


  1. Is that the Hawaiian cruiser? Sweet - glad you are getting it. Perfect weather to start riding, too!

    I'm sorry you've had such angst...especially about your son. I can only imagine how worried you were about his disappearance. I hope things level out for you soon.

    1. Yes, it's the Hawaiian cruiser. I decided to be a little different than you and get red (although I LOVE the pink one).

      That was a tough one with my son, but thankfully only lasted a few hours. I am still worried for him, but at least not imminently worried for his life. Don't you wish you could just fix things with your kids? If I could have, I would have a long time ago!

  2. Sounds like a lot has been going on. I'm so sorry things have been rough-going, so easing up on yourself is a good thing. You'll get there as you continue to plug away. One foot in front of the other ...


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