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Thursday, October 11, 2012

Day One, Here I Come

 I am still struggling.  I was thinking this morning that I need to get back to the concept I started with in this blog.  500 days to where I want to be.  I need to focus on adding one successful day to another in succession in order to get to where I want to be.

I started out struggling yesterday.  After a fairly good day of following my To-Do List, which helped me focus, I got up to start again, but from the get-go was struggling with a pretty severe hardware headache.  After walking my dog, which is always the first thing on the list -- he's got to potty first thing -- I was having my prayer time.  I use some books sometimes that help, particularly in giving me words to express the needs I am praying about concerning my daughter and her health situation.  So I was praying those written prayers out loud.  As I spoke, I was accutely aware of the pain and discomfort in my throat connected to the hardware from my neck surgery.  And this discomfort always leads to a pretty severe headache.  I finally had to stop speaking out loud, it was so uncomfortable.  The discomfort was already there; the speaking just accentuated it.  So I had to start my day with quite a severe headache.

I went on to work, and by mid-morning, decided to take a muscle relaxant to hopefully alleviate my discomfort a little.  I was doing my best to keep my chin tucked, and it helped some, but my neck felt so tight and stiff, so I decided to take a muscle relaxant.  I took a half of one, to lessen its undesirable effects (sleepiness).  I went home for lunch, walked the dog and had the lunch I planned.  But sitting at my desk when I returned, the sleepiness hit me.  I had been fighting off temptation all morning from my cubie's candy bowl and the donuts in the break room.  Being tired and in pain together is a huge trigger for me.  I finally gave in to the temptation and had a fun size candy bar from the candy bowl.  That did it.  I let down my guard and couldn't pull it back together.  I grazed on the junk all afternoon.  All day, ice cream sounded so good.  The cold and the smooth always feel good on my achy throat.  So that was my dinner.

It is October and time is marching on without making progress.  I don't want to do this anymore.  So I have to focus on getting through this day.  My main focus today will be to just not eat sweets.  For some reason, nothing except what I don't need to have tastes good to me right now.  I am trying not to beat myself up about all this, but at the same time, I need to get back on track.  I need to feel better and for my health to improve.  I need to feel like getting out and enjoying life.

This morning, I am not starting out with the same pain issues as yesterday, thank the Lord.  I don't know why my neck was so out of whack yesterday morning.  I have been struggling with it for a couple of weeks, but I don't know why it was so flared up yesterday morning.  Possibly the way I slept.  I don't know -- I wore my cervical collar, which usually helps.  I would like to never have another headache.  The back problems are bad, but at least they mostly kick in when I stand up and walk.  The headaches are constant and the only way to get away from them sometimes is to sleep.  And I obviously cannot do that during the day, most of the time.  I will try to be very careful not to set one off today.  I am feeling a slight achiness in my throat right now.

Regardless of the pain issues, I have to get going.  If I wait until I don't have pain issues to deal with, I will never get moving again.  So I am praying for strength to do what I need to do, even when I don't feel like it.

Okay, time to get up and get moving.  I need to have one successful day in order to have the 500 I need to get where I want to go.  So, day one, here I come.

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