Okay, my sister tells me she is looking for updates on my blogs and then they aren’t there. As you can guess, that is because I am not doing great.
I did better yesterday. The day before, I don’t know what happened. Just lost it. When I do that, I get down. So I ask myself why I do it. I don’t know, but reminding myself that it will make me down does help a little.
I am doing a lot of walking. That is good. I will keep that up and I am looking for routes and ways to increase it. It kills two birds with one stone (helps with my dog and gets me my exercise). I walk what I feel like is a pretty long distance, and when I get back to the apartment, it only took 30 minutes. So I will keep increasing as I can. It helps when I choose a destination. I am going to walk to the dog park on Saturday. I am not sure of the safety of the route in the evening, so will walk it on Saturday the first time.
There is a lot of stress related to my daughter. I don’t want to go into it all here. Just looking for some answers to her being sick and hurt all the time.
I am starting to feel the desire to date again, but at the same time, a little fearful about it. If I knew I could go out and find a great guy without having to weed through the not-so-great ones, I would do it. Plus I want to get to feeling better. When I was dating two or three years ago, I was a little surprised at how easy it was to get dates. But I got my heart broken a little bit and I don’t want to do that again. I want to do some things differently this time.
What are my goals, generally, for the next few months? Generally, less pain, lose weight (of course), make friends and begin having a life outside of work and the kids. I want to keep those goals in front of me. Otherwise you get into the day-to-day things of life and never make any changes.
I need to be finding ways to meet new people. As soon as I get my car back, I am going to make a decision about what church to go to and start going back to church. I likely will go back to the one I was attending. I had no “problem” with the church, other than it was big and a little harder to get to know people that way. But the message and the services and the outreach of the church, I am in wholehearted agreement with. The only other “problem” with it is that I will probably never be able to get really involved with the music there, other than sing in the choir. I don’t know that that’s true, but every other church I have attended, I have been on the worship team, done solos, etc., and I do not think that will happen much at this one. I don’t really care right now. But I might at some point. You have to understand, I am good enough to where I was chosen to sing in the Dallas Symphony Chorus. But for some reason, I never felt like I would ever be used much musically at this church. It just never did click. I don’t want to be some prima donna – that’s not what singing in the church is about. But music is part of who I am and how a lot of things are expressed in me, and when I cannot express it in my spiritual home, it bothers me a little. I have been too busy just making a living the last few years to care, but someday I might like to again. But I digress.
They had a happy hour at our loft community last night, but I did not go. I don’t know why – probably because a happy hour is not really my kind of thing. It’s not just that I don’t really drink. But walking in by myself and trying to meet people in that setting would not be easy for me. There is a movie matinee Sunday that I am going to try to go to. (This loft community has its own small movie theater.) Maybe I will meet some friends there that might lead to other activities. I would love to find a group that liked to play board games and stuff. I have heard that some people get together on the patio and do that. Maybe I could be the “instigator.” I have always been the type to sit back and wait to be asked. But there is no reason I have to do that. There is no reason I cannot ask.
I am doing okay on my eating so far today. Just need to hold it together this evening. I am so glad it is Friday!!!