I woke up in a better frame of mind than I have in two or three weeks. I wonder if that has anything to do with getting the house semi-settled this weekend. I don’t know, but something was different. I felt more content yesterday, like I was finally home.
I do know that being alone can be a trigger for me. Not loneliness, just being alone. That’s because I tend to hide how much I eat from other people, and when no one else is around, I don’t have that inhibition. But it also just depends on the frame of mind I am in. If I am in a good frame of mind, it doesn’t really matter what temptation comes my way, I am probably not going to give in to it. If I am not, then I struggle, and if I am in a pretty bad frame of mind, I will find the bad stuff, whether I keep it around or not.
So, I guess one key is to keep my mind pointed in the right direction. However, sometimes I don’t know why I am suddenly off. I sure would like to get to the bottom of that. I do think the accumulation of stress has had a lot to do with it. Bingeing is a way of “caring for” yourself – a warped way. That is why I reach out to food for comfort. I would like to get to where that is not my natural reaction. I need to find another way to comfort myself in stressful times. At one point a couple of years ago, I had gotten to where I would walk or do another kind of workout during those times of stress. However, since I am also dealing with quite a bit of physical pain, that is not my natural reaction now.
I think another thing that has been causing me a problem is being confused about what plan to follow. I had been giving thought to getting started on the plan in Blood Sugar Solution when I got moved. I still want to do that at some point. But I am not ready right now, and yet I was trying to pressure myself to not eat bread, etc. I was becoming confused in my mind as to what my plan really was, and that never works for me. So, today, I am back on WW. I tracked my breakfast and will go from there. I almost forgot I was doing WW. Silly me. There has just been too much going on lately. I also thrive on routine. Even down to when I drink my water.
Speaking of physical pain, I did notice something yesterday. I was up and around a lot of the day yesterday, trying to get my apartment in better shape. I noticed I was having a lot less pain than when I sit around a lot. I have noticed that in times past, but it is not always that way. I think I have finally gotten over the “extra” pain from the move. The worst times of pain are when I go from times of inactivity to activity. The worst time is first thing in the morning. The way things are now, I have to get up and get out of the apartment almost immediately to take Cassie to potty, so it forces me to be a little more active first thing in the morning. However painful, I am sure that is good for me. We always take at least a walk around the block first thing in the morning, sometimes further. Yesterday I did 1.1 mile first thing.
I had to be to work at 7:00 a.m. this morning. Jerry was supposed to have a deposition, which we later learned was called off. But we did not find that out until they went to the deposition. I didn’t have time to have breakfast at home, so I had a ham, mushroom, egg and swiss cheese on whole wheat square from Potbelly. That came out to 10 points.
I am making a go of getting off SF Red Bulls. I bought me some BC powders for when the inevitable caffeine headache hits me. However, I won’t take anything until/if I get a caffeine headache. I feel sleepy, but I feel sleepy whether I drink them or not.
I also got on the scale this morning. I don’t think I have gained any weight. I say that because my stomach was not completely empty when I weighed and I haven’t taken my BP meds in a few days, which make a difference on water retention. I hope I can get going in earnest this week.
Another thing that shows me I am doing a little better is that my cubie put a candy bowl up on her ledge today and filled it with Starburst, among other things. Now, most women really crave chocolate. Not me. I would much rather have something like jelly beans, gum drops, Skittles or Starburst! So that is a temptation to me. But I have not touched that candy bowl.
I am waking up, not only with the lower back pain, but with some middle back pain and some neck pain. Neck pain is not unexpected, since I had a double fusion on my neck a little over a year ago. I usually sleep with my cervical collar, and did not last night, so I have a little soreness there. The middle back pain is somewhat new, at least to this degree. I do know I have some degenerative stuff going on there, but I have never had an MRI or anything. I think the pain has to do with sleeping position, etc. more than anything. I sleep propped up on pillows, but sometimes they slide around and the wrong part of my back stays “bent” during the night and I wake up hurting. I would ultimately like to get an adjustable bed, so I could elevate my head and shoulders so that it feels good, and elevate my knees also, to take pressure off my lower back (kind of like a hospital bed, but with my Tempurpedic mattress. The trouble is, those beds are kind of expensive. Maybe I will designate any Christmas money I get this year toward it (I usually get a bonus and my boss is usually very generous with me at Christmas).
A girl fell from the 19th story of the apartment building about a half block from mine. I never knew it happened until the next afternoon, when my daughters told me about it. It happened at around 2:00 a.m. Sunday morning. My bedroom is kind of secluded from outside noise (that is good!), so I never heard the police activity, etc. She was 25 years old. They said she lost her balance and fell, but I suspect it was alcohol related. That is the same thing that happened to my son’s best friend in December, except he only fell from the 2nd story (but he was killed). I was walking Cassie this morning and came around the corner and there were candles and bouquets of flowers laying on the sidewalk. Kind of sobering to know I was walking over where she fell and died just hours before. So very, very sad. It makes me worry about my son sometimes. I just have to leave him in God’s hands. I just know that sometimes you make decisions or do things you might not otherwise have done when you have been drinking to excess, and he does like to party. I am not condemning drinking alcohol. I just worry about him being reckless with it, since he has a tendency toward that kind of thing.
In my loft, to get to my master bathroom, I have to walk through my master closet (pictures coming one of these days). There is no other way in. On the top shelf are four huge bins of clothes, all of which are a little to a lot too small for me. I decided when I moved that if I did not start getting into some of these by the first of next year, I have to get rid of them. They are in clear bins in plain sight when I walk through my closet. So they are good motivation – I want to wear those clothes – I don’t want to give them away. They have been given to me by my daughters, my sister and a few that I got too big for. I will use them as a source of motivation.
I’m going to try making a chicken stir fry for dinner. Hopefully it will come out good. I have 16 points left to end my day, and I really want to stay on track. I feel like I could be on my way now.
That’s it for today. Happy Monday, everyone.