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Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Where's the Easy Button?

Yesterday was a busy day, even with the boss gone.

At lunch, I walked Cassie again, this time longer.  I took enough pain med to get on top of my pain, and it helped my disposition significantly.  I also contacted my doctor about getting back on an anti-inflammatory med.  I think I need that for now, along with the other pain meds.  I walked Cassie a third time after work.

For lunch I had a Farmhouse Salad from Potbelly.  I used my Newman’s Own Light Balsamic Dressing.  I still am not staying on track, though, since I ate some peanut M&M’s during the afternoon.  I had no plan for dinner and I did not do well.  I am eating way too many carbs.  I was going to make some chicken soup, but couldn’t find my recipe.  I am still not totally organized after the move.

My plan was to get to bed at around 8:30.  I needed to make up for the lost sleep the night before.  I was hoping Cassie would be good and tired after this third walk, but he still whined a lot after we got back.  I used his backpack at lunch and in the evening.  It helps drain his energy and I get more bang for my buck out of shorter walks.  But he was still wired up about something.  I did get to bed at around 8:45, however, and he did fine.  I slept okay, but at times was having trouble getting comfortable.  Although I slept, I was aware of tossing and turning and being in pain.

I need to get back to workouts on the recumbent bike (in the fitness center at the lofts), but I was not up for it this morning. I did walk Cassie this morning, and will walk him two more times today.  I have been going further on the lunch and evening walks. I need to have more of a plan on my eating, but I will just have to exercise some willpower, since I seem to be craving sweets right now.  I need to get some more fruit, but I do have some.  That always helps.

I mapped out a route to Farmers Market in Downtown Dallas.  It is about ¾ of a mile from my loft.  That would mean a mile and a half walk, plus the time walking around FM itself.  That is a lot for me right now (unfortunately).  But I need to get some fresh produce.  However, I checked the hours and it closes at 6:00 p.m., so that will have to wait until Saturday.  I could hop the train and get to a grocery store that way.  My son is borrowing my car right now, until he gets his running.  I could call one of the girls to take me.  But I really want to do everything (or as much as possible) by walking or riding a bicycle.  I might have to work up to that.

I am feeling kind of discouraged this morning.  It is the constant pain.  If it keeps up like this, I don’t know that I can keep dealing with it.  But I need to be thinner before the right kind of surgery could be done anyway, so that really is my only choice.

I feel pressure financially too.  Until Stephanie gets a good job with insurance, I feel like I am weak financially.  Which pressures me to work more.  Stephanie told me this morning she has not been feeling well the last couple of days.  This worries me.  We have to keep her insurance in effect, which means about $500 a month.  Plus her bills have to be paid.  I just feel like I am teetering on the brink financially until this situation is resolved.  It would be difficult for her to take another job if she is not well, either.  Please, Lord, let this be over.  She does have a part-time nanny position, which brings in some income, but she needs full-time with insurance.  And she needs to be well.  I have been tempted to stress eat this morning, but so far, have not.

I printed out the recipe I need, so I can make the soup tonight.  I will have to pick up something “out” for lunch.

This is not how I planned it to be when I got moved.  I need Stephanie’s situation to get resolved before I can feel really positive about everything.  I know I am carrying a load I am not meant to carry.  Worrying about it won’t help one bit.  But I am having trouble not doing that.

I went home at lunch and walked Cassie, and interestingly, came back from that feeling a little more positive.  I picked up a Subway sandwich on the way back, and that was lunch.  I don’t know how to explain it, except that I just felt a little stronger in the motivation area.  I keep telling myself, “It is very important that I get through this day.”

More stress as the day goes on.  I am very tired of having so much to handle.  I just want things to be easy for a while.  But I am not holding my breath about that.


  1. Stress and pain make trying to live and eat your healthiest very, very difficult. (She says as she whines yet again about her dumb foot.) But it will be worth it in the long run! Don't give up, just keep doing the next best thing.

    1. Thanks, Helen. I know I will get there again. This is really tough.


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