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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

One Foot in Front of the Other

I am doing better this afternoon (it is about 2:30 p.m.).  I felt kind of shaky this morning (as in my resolve).  But I went downstairs to Chick-Fil-A at lunch to get me something to eat.  I fully intended to get a regular (fried) Chick-Fil-A sandwich and some fries (telling myself I just have to do what it takes to stay off the sweets today, and that is all I will concentrate on).  As I was waiting in line, I got to thinking, I will get just as full on a grilled chicken sandwich and a side salad.  So that is what I ended up ordering.  I guess sometimes we do the right thing in spite of ourselves.

I feel like crying this afternoon, and I am not exactly sure why.  I had a conversation with my daughter about my other daughter and it seems to have started after that.  I think it is probably that things are changing – kids are becoming more independent – and I am going to have to become more accustomed to that.  I was trying to explain in more detail, but I think I will just leave it at that.  Sometimes change is difficult.  I will be glad to get my car back, so I can be fully independent.  I guess I could just take the train, etc.  That issue involves my son, not my daughter.  And none of what I am talking about concerns the car.  It’s just the thing that keeps me from being fully independent from my kids.  I think the thing that is bothering me is that I have always gone out of my way (sometimes to my own detriment) to help my kids, so for one to seem a little ungrateful strikes deep.  My daughters don’t read my blog, by the way.  I feel better now that I have articulated what was bothering me.

I have tried to keep myself occupied a little more actively this afternoon, so I wouldn’t get so sleepy.  I usually am very busy, but my boss is out of the office in meetings and hearings.  I have had to choose things to do that didn’t make me feel so sleepy (like yesterday, when I was reading depositions).  I am trying to clean up and organize my area a little.  It has gotten a little messy during my really busy times.  And, I admit, I can be organizationally challenged.  It is something I have to work on.

Some days when I come back from a walk, I feel really taxed, like I have had a pretty hard workout.  I don’t know why.  Maybe it is when it is really hot?  At lunch today, I stopped off at Chick-Fil-A, so took a different route.  To leave the building (lower level), I had to climb a very long flight of stairs (I thought there was an escalator, but there was not).  I made it with no trouble.  Going down stairs is a different story – that really hurts.  (Maybe I could climb stairs, as long as I am not going down.)  Anyway, then I walked home, got Cassie and walked him for 15-20 minutes.  Then, after eating my sandwich, I walked back to work.  I was sweating a lot and felt like I had really worked out.  I guess that’s good.  I will walk again after work.  Seriously, though, maybe I could climb the stairs to my 4th floor loft some of the time.  I could see how my pain level does after doing it.  I need to get every little bit of exercise I can.

On the elevator going back up to the office after lunch, I fancied I looked a little smaller.  I don’t know why I would, except for all the walking.  I do know, when I first went to college at Texas Tech, I had to walk everywhere on campus.  When I got home after the first semester, I had lost 15 pounds.  That was the only thing I could think of to account for it.  So, I think this might be helping.  Now, if I can just get my eating going consistently in a good direction….

I pulled out my Don’t Eat This, Eat That cookbook and am going to start trying some stuff from it.  I have heard really good things about the recipes.  I saw a clip about the new cookbook, Don’t Eat This, Eat That – Italian today on Fox News.  One commentator said his wife had preordered the book and had been trying some recipes and they were really good.

My problem in losing weight is not usually what I eat for meals, so much (that might account for being a little overweight, but not to the extent I am now), as eating out of control outside of meals.  So I need to do some good meal planning.  Even if I can’t make myself eat a salad every meal (that is just an example of something extreme), even if I just eat lightened-up versions of things I really like, that may do the trick until my motivation gets pumped up a little more.  Some things might not be as “clean” as I ultimately want to eat, but right now, I am just trying to get going consistently.

I have to admit, I took an appetite suppressant today.  I don’t really “believe” in losing weight that way (mainly because it doesn’t work), but sometimes it does help me get started.  And it did seem to help today.  If I can just get myself started on a good track again, that will get my mind more set in the right direction.  It is now 5:30 p.m. and I still feel good – not like I am going to go home and be out of control.  We will see how it goes.

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