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Friday, August 24, 2012

To Tired to Name This Post

I am writing more this week than I thought I would.  I think I just need it to get through.  It’s a stress reliever.

I was pretty unfocused yesterday, but ate things that were healthy.  Except for dinner.  I worked until 7:45 and got home and needed to get work done on the garage sale, so I didn’t want to spend time cooking.  My daughter had ordered pizza earlier in the day, so I had one slice of cheese pizza (I was pretty proud of stopping at one slice), and that and a frozen yogurt bar are all I ate last night.  I also probably burned plenty of calories, since I worked for a couple of hours in the garage, lifting and moving stuff, plus was dripping sweat.  I don’t exactly know where I came out on points.  If I was over, it would be only a little.  I had a snack size bag of almonds (bigger than a 100-calorie pack, but not very big), and that was the most calorie-intensive thing I had yesterday afternoon.

I worked a couple of hours on the garage sale.  I have a lot I have to do tonight, and the sale will start at 7:30 a.m. tomorrow morning, so I won’t get much rest between now and the time it is over.  After I shut it down, I will take a nap.  Then, at some point, I will need to take everything that didn’t sell to Good Will or someplace like that, or have it picked up.  I hope I sell the big stuff.  My goal is to make $300 to use toward the moving expenses (more would be nice).

I gave myself a backache last night, but I don’t feel like I set off a big flare-up or anything.  I borrowed a dolly to help with moving stuff, to keep the strain off my back as much as possible.  Bethany is gone, and Stephanie cannot lift, so that left me.

As I have said before, after I move, the plan is for me to come in later on mornings after I have worked late the night before.  I worked until 7:45 last night, but came in at normal time today (around 8:00 a.m.).  I have to get here earlier, because my daughter and I carpool and she has to be to work by 8:15.  I never gave it a thought this morning that, since Stephanie is at home, I probably could have gone in a little later.  Our Office Administrator came by and asked why I was at work so early, knowing I had worked late last night.  I said the plan was for me to compensate for late nights after I get moved.  I am so used to coming in early, I automatically think I have to get gone in the morning at a certain time.  He said he is worried that I work too much.  (Honestly, I think he is more worried about paying OT, but okay.)

The point of all this is, I have gotten so used to working so much, it is going to take some conscious effort to slow down.  Plus, I have gotten used to the extra money, and I am going to have to get used to not having that.  Now, when I ran my budget to decide if I could afford to move where I am moving, I did not count on the amount of OT I have been working to determine if I could afford it.  So I will be fine.  I’m just used to the extra money.  I have to start making the adjustments in my mind.  I don’t have to push, push, push all the time.

Trouble is, I am not in quite as good of a position, financially speaking, as I had hoped at the time of my move.  I have missed some OT hours with Stephanie’s sickness.  I wanted more cushion than I have and I am having trouble telling myself I don’t need it.  I am sure it will all work out.  Anytime I have ever “worried” about not enough OT, for financial reasons, in the past, there was never a reason to worry.  Jerry provides plenty of opportunity for that.  And we are going into a very busy season with our big case – depositions scheduled almost every day starting middle of next week, going into early October.  Then trial prep gets going hot and heavy.

Now, I need to learn to let myself rest more.  I would like to be able to go home for lunch on some days, spend some time with my dog, and just relax.  I usually am at my desk through lunch, most times working.  It will do me good to get away from here more.  It’s just going to take some adjusting in my mind.  Hopefully life is about to change in a good way.  I just have to learn how to live without working constantly.  Money isn’t everything.  Maybe my pain levels would decrease if I didn’t work so much.  We will see.  One thing I know, I need to start “having a life” outside of work and kids.

Pain levels are up today.  It seemed okay this morning – the radiating pain I always feel when first getting up in the morning didn’t seem so bad.  But I am having a lot of all-over pain today.  Am I surprised?  No.  Just have to make it through the next week.

I am having to sell my refrigerator, since the loft has one, and the appliances in the loft are stainless steel and my refrigerator is black, so I wouldn’t want to switch them out.  It is too big for my kids’ apartments, so they couldn’t take it.  I haven’t gotten around to advertising it and I was thinking this morning that I have waited too long – I would have difficulty getting it done before next Thursday (I certainly don’t want to take it to the loft, even temporarily).  I was mentioning this to my friend at work, when her eyes lit up.  She needs a refrigerator.  I told her what I wanted for it, she contacted her roommates, and I sold it!  Yay!  I came back in a bit and mentioned to her and the other girl who was standing there talking to her (who had also heard the prior conversation) that I also had a washer and dryer for sale, if they knew anyone who needed one.  The other girl’s eyes lit up – it seems she needs a washer and dryer!  So hopefully I have sold those too, just from a casual conversation.  That helps my moving budget a lot.  And I wasn’t even counting the refrigerator in what I hoped to make in the garage sale, so hopefully I will still get the $300 I am hoping to raise with the GS.  This makes it more likely that I will get to buy the Electra Cruiser bicycle I have been wanting.

I had made a list of things I wanted when I moved to the loft to round out my d├ęcor, etc. and included it in my moving budget.  I am hopeful I will be able to do all I planned to do (including curtains, a rug for the dining room and my closet, a food processor (my blade broke) and a slipcover for my recliner (to avoid having too much brown in my living room).  I have been waiting so long for this move.  I can’t believe it is finally almost here.  A new chapter of my life is beginning.

I’ve written this post throughout the day (as I usually do).  As the day has gone by, my pain level has increased somewhat.  It is not the grabbing, sharp pain of a flare-up, but the allover pain that makes you feel like you’ve been run over by a truck.  This pain is mostly from fatigue and overwork.  Wish I could stop and give myself a break, but I just can’t.  It will have to wait one more week.

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